Kaktus 2020/07/26(Sun)10:53 No. 973221 ID: 2c5282
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As your species first reached the stars beyond your own solar system, you expected to find a mostly empty, cold galaxy to explore. Instead, you found a massive federation of dozen upon dozen of alien species, far technological superior and advanced compared to your own. They welcomed you with open arms, being more interested in diverse cultures than conquests and the different nations of your species agreed to join then, mostly out of self-preservation and interests in these new technological wonders. You, on the other hand, willingly embraced these new alien overlords for a more… taste related reason.

You are a Burettian, a hairy, two armed mammal like creature standing on two legs at a height of 1,75m on average, which while seemingly normal to you, is something new and exciting for the aliens that you recently met. It has been about 5 years since first contact and you have volunteered to be part of the first real immigration into the stars, to be integrated and live among the strange alien creatures of the black void beyond your own world. While many sought this opportunity to forward their careers, to get a new perspective on life or simply to explore the unknown, you and several likeminded individuals choose to leave behind your old life and travel to the stars for one reason and one reason alone.

Because you’re huge Xenophiles and want to bang a fucking alien.

Though the first question we must ask… are you a man or are you a woman?

You're clearly a ship model.

Woman

>>973221
You're a man on a mission, and that mission is love.

Male. Tell us about the model, though! Is it one of theirs? Yours? Real? Fiction?

>>973221
Man

Spaceship.

Since you asked, internalized Professor Oak, I'm choosing woman.

Man!

>>973220
Woman

Channel your inner Captain Kirk, good sir.

Woman

A girl with the objective of being dicked by aliens.

Man

Woman

>>973221
Man, and man that's a cool ship model

A woman

Man, assuming you're not a renamed human. If you are, then go girl.

Woman

Intersex

Let's be a woman

man

Man

woman

male

Kaktus 2020/07/26(Sun)16:57 No. 973250 ID: 2c5282
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>You're clearly a ship model.
As a ship model, you cannot do anything of note, least of all go on a date with an alien life form.
>Tell us about the model, though! Is it one of theirs? Yours? Real? Fiction?
Who knows? Maybe you do, but first you’ll need to know who you are, won’t you? Maybe it’s yours? Maybe it’s a friends? …or maybe it belongs to that dorky roommate of yours who won’t shut up about his max leveled wizard in that computer game that came out years ago.
>Man that's a cool ship model.
That, on the other hand, you can admit. It is a really rad ship!
>Channel your inner Captain Kirk, good sir.
As much as you want to go out on adventure in the vast unknown and explore undiscovered planets, your species was simply too late to the party for you to do that… about a thousand years too late, in fact. You will try to bone a bunch of alien babes, though.

>A girl with the objective of being dicked by aliens.
While that is a noble goal for sure, it seems like that will need to wait for another chance. Instead, you will need to be content with dicking the aliens instead… or maybe you are a man with a taste for dick yourself?
>Intersex.
…maybe later?

>You're a man on a mission, and that mission is love.
And that mission begins now!

How would you describe yourself? Are you…

1. Small, slightly chubby and nearsighted as well as a bit timid, shy and intelligent yet friendly. You work as a computer engineer and your love to play roleplaying games, both in real life as well as digital ones.

2. Large, strong and fuzzy as well as bit dull, stubborn and wise yet many consider you a big softy. You are a security guard and the thing you love the most is to train. Either at the gym or in nature.

3. Lean, albino, slightly feminine as well as confident, vulgar and a rebel yet you’ve always been good at reading people. You came here with your band, in which you play the synth, and you’ve been barely able to stay afloat by playing gigs with them. You love music above all else.

Also, what is your name?

>>973250
1) Tristan

3) tristan is a good name though

maybe we're bi...?

3

Lets make some music

Your name is Mel

>>973250
2) chad route lets go

Still go with the name tristan though, since that's a good one.

1) Idk, Jose.

Door number 3. Pretty heavy departure from the first protagonist, but that's not a bad thing. Abstaining from name vote, Tristan and Mel are both fine.

3, and Mel.

We angle towards the ladies, but if a sufficiently handsome/bishie dude comes around we aren't opposed to taking a swing at them.

>>973250
3, need to see how it plays out to be an aspiring musician in spaaaace

3. Tristan and Mel both seem decent names, so use both. Tristan Melbourne.

1: Also likin that Mel name.

1, and Reed. Your parents predicted you might like to reed books.

>>973221
So we're not man this time? Interesting.
I say we go woma-
>>973250
OH GOD DAMMIT
1.Tristan's good

3. Tristan is fine.

3

we've never played as an albino before, could be neat but beware of the sun.

I would humbly like to suggest:
#3 with an alternate Backstory: We are the captain of the Skyfleet (or insert faction name) vessel, the SFS (or corresponding faction ship prefix) Kestrel; the flagship of our outfit.
Same personality, but refine the vulgar into a tongue that can be as sharp as it is silver. Also the band thing, while important, is more of a professional hobby.

1, Tristan.

>>973305
>not HUMAN this time>>973252
>>973253
>>973261
>>973262
>>973263
>>973264
>>973308
>>973315
>>973322
>3 is winning
Aw I liked the socially awkwardness of the OG protag, here 2 and 3 just feel too confident/cocky for me.
The idea of willing giving up your old life to go to space cause your life sucked, of trying to get with aliens cause you hardly got with anyone back home cause you don't fit the standards of beauty, of being someone who doesn't have all their shit together and hasn't lived the most interesting life just seemed to resonate with me more.

On the flip side, the first protag was so pathetic they had an an evening out with positive interactions with three members of the opposite sex and considered that such a failure that they were going to commit suicide. I don't want to play such an incel again.

>>973250
1
It's time to become the ultimate bottom.

Kaktus 2020/07/27(Mon)15:58 No. 973354 ID: 2c5282
File 159589071574.png - (103.83KB , 700x550 , 4.png )

>Maybe we're bi...?
Maybe you are? That’s up to you, after all.
>If a sufficiently handsome/bishie dude comes around we aren't opposed to taking a swing at them.
If you were looking for bishie boys you would have stayed at home. This is weird alien territories.

Now, let us begin…

--------------------------

>Need to see how it plays out to be an aspiring musician in spaaaace.
You are Tristan Dowe, a male albino Burettian, and a musician at trade, though not a very famous one… or wealthy. In fact, one of the reasons why you sought the vast expenses to space was to get another try at it… that, coupled with the fact that you were about to be forced to sleep in a fucking trash container to get by… again…
>Beware of the sun.
An umbrella and a pair of sunglasses usually deal with the sun, though the twin suns on this planet have been surprisingly merciful to you. It’s probably that strange dome that’s around the city you’re in who is responsible for that fact.

>The idea of willing giving up your old life to go to space cause your life sucked…
Your fucking life sucked balls back home. You were sick and tired of always being one bad gig from being out on the street again, always being stuck in the same place without a way to escape and watching everything around you go to fucking shit.
>Trying to get with aliens cause you hardly got with anyone back home cause you don't fit the standards of beauty…
If you’d gotten a credit for each time you’ve gotten your shit kicked out of you because you look different, then you would have been a very rich man. Not to mention all the girls wants either muscular shit houses or cute boys then can push around and not some albino freak wearing makeup… wait, n-no, you m-mean, of course you’ve got l-laid! You got laid all the t-time! The girls were all over you! Y-yeah… that’s right… that’s right, Tristan… you’re cool… keep telling yourself that…
>Tell us about the model, though! Is it one of theirs? Yours? Real? Fiction?
You are pretty sure it’s fictional, though your roommate Mel did buy it when we arrived here, so you guess it might be a real model? Most of the spaceship you’ve seen so far is not that sleek and a lot blockier. You guess you can ask Mel about it, if you actually gave a rat’s ass… but not now, you don’t have time for that dork at the moment.

>Lets make some music.
If by making music you mean making sweet love to an alien, the hell yes. But if you mean actual music then that will need to wait until after the weekend is over, as that’s when you have another rep with the squad.

No, today is a special day! While you’ve been here over a week, you still haven’t been able to really get to know the aliens around here that well… but that changes now. See, you’ve found this dating site dedicated to the special little niche of interspecies relationships and you’ve finally had the courage to make a user on it.

Warning: Interspecies relationships might be dangerous. Please keep the following facts in mind:
Do not eat or drink any cuisine of another species without first checking if it is non-toxic for your species.
Do not ingest any organic material without first checking if it is non-toxic for your species.
Do not put your hand or feet inside the mouth of creatures bigger than... ugh blah blah blah…

Aliena Affinitas is not responsible for any harm, injury, mutilations, dismemberment, mangled organs, poisoning, melting, burning, dissolving, devouring or death that might occur after using this site.

Yes, you fucking get it, you’ll be careful!

Kaktus 2020/07/27(Mon)15:58 No. 973355 ID: 2c5282
File 159589072477.png - (163.04KB , 900x800 , 5.png )

It doesn’t take long for it to find several matches for you, though you have to remove several of them for a few reasons, the most common lacking a picture. If they aren’t even willing to take a picture then you can’t really bother with them, can you? In the end, you’re left with six profiles that caught your interests…

---------------------------
User: DragonKnight
Name: Sir Ztolteskanx tol Xai.
Species: Raolme. (Quadrupedal Reptile)
Gender: Male.
Age: 24.
Size: Height: 1,25m. Length: 2.25m.
Likes: Freedom, to be able to do what I want, talking to someone as an equal.
Dislikes: Too many responsibilities, nosy family member.

Huh… that’s some very specific likes and dislikes… though I dig the bowtie.

---------------------------
User: GamerBug
Name: Xi’ankh Detadon.
Species: Tuul. (Bipedal insect)
Gender: Female.
Age: 23
Size: Body Size: 75m3. Drone Size: 67cm.
Likes: Games, roleplaying, hanging out.
Dislikes: Liars and their lying mouths!

Wait, that can’t be right? Is she the size of a fucking house?

---------------------------
User: EternalWatchman
Name: Urû Vol.
Species: Flaûgnir (Quadrupedal winged Siliconian)
Gender: Male.
Age: 38.
Size: 2,15m.
Likes: Flying, watching the sun rise, taking it easy.
Dislikes: Bad weather but especially rain, being in a hurry.

Flying? That’s sound really… wait… the fuck is a Siliconian? Are they a freaking rock?

---------------------------
User: PrettyGirl28
Name: Qarka Soulfeaster
Species: Khrax (Limbed snake)
Gender: Female.
Age: 28.
Size: 4,27m
Likes: Cute stuff, calm music, blood, still living meat, flowers and animals.
Dislikes: Blood, scary things and things that are loud.

…is that a massive claw I see in the picture? …heh, wicked.

---------------------------
User: Shifter
Name: Etële
Species: Wirnëahy (Liquid)
Gender: Male, but I can change.
Age: 32
Size: N/A
Likes: Whatever you want it to be, babe.
Dislikes: Whatever you don’t like, babe.

…I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be intrigued or worried…

---------------------------
User: LadyInBlue
Name: Madame Zaliasquenska tatil Xai Lentazin, chu tertal o Ankh, High seat of Etrall, chu Matriarch de zartel o Xaito, first of her name.
Species: Raolme. (Quadrupedal Reptile)
Gender: Lady.
Age: 438.
Size: Height: 1,15m. Length: 2.05m
Likes: A drink, a nice conversation and a few friends to share the moment with. Also classical music, art and other small, beautiful things life might offer.
Dislikes: People that aren’t honest with themselves and incompetent fools.

Hmm… she seems classy… or at least rich…
Tris? Are you talking to yourself again?
Fuck yeah, I am. Now leave me alone, Mel, I’m busy.

Hmm… you really don’t have the time to check them all out... but with whom do you start?

>It's time to become the ultimate bottom.
Well… maybe the ultimate power bottom… heh…

Xi'ankh. It's time to make a house call.

Zal. Time to see this version of best girl.

(jokes, they're all best girl)

well your thing is music, and two of them like music, so I say either soulfeaster or Zalia

Etele
O Rly?
This deserves... Exploration.

Xi'ankh. She can't actually be the size of a house right? Must be some mistake of editing.

>>973355
Sir

>Etële
>…I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be intrigued or worried…

You should be very worried. You have to be way too courageous to go for a profile that sound so much like a serial killer trap.
Don't get me wrong, if this is genuine it's one of the best options. The problem is that so far you can't tell anything about this person and neither will the police be able to if you disappear.



Speaking of dangerous...

>Qarka Soulfeaster

Are you feeling adventurous? This one seem to have equal chances of finding you cute or delicious and of loving your music or hating your noise.

Pick this one. From all the options she is the most likely to end up liking you for who you are.

>>973354
>if you actually gave a rat’s ass…
So you don’t give your own ass about the ship model?

>>973355
Two of them seem to like music, but would your music be considered too loud and not calm for Qarka? And would your music not be considered classical to Madame Zaliasquenska tatil Xai Le-*bites tongue* fuck! That name is hard to pronounce!

>Pick date
Go with Sir. He sounds like he’s trying to get out from under his family. He might even be a fellow rebel, like you!

>>973355
Go with DragonKnight

>>973355
As much as I want to choose one of the original ladies, I'd rather pick someone new this time. We can always come back to them later.

I say we should pick Urû Vol.

……isn't our buddy Mel into nerd things? Maybe we could try to convince him to make an account on this dating website and try to hook him up with GamerBug. Then we can ask him if she's actually the size of a house or not.

What kind of music do you play? If it's loud then I guess Qarka is a bad match. If you wouldn't mind playing some smooth, calming synth for her then it's a good match.

You're a rebel, so it sounds like Ztolteskanx is a good match.

Also, compare Sir Ztolteskanx tol Xai's name and Madame Zaliasquenska tatil Xai Lentazin's. Being new here, you can't tell if "Xai" is a family name, but there's a possibility that the two are related.

Go for Dragonknight.

>>973346
Yeah my biggest problem with the old quest was that we were just TOO pathetic.

>>973355
First choice: Etële, lets fuck some water!
Second choice: Urû Vol, lets get fucked by a rock!

And don't be an asshole to Mel. You know what it's like to be treated like shit.

>>973355
Etële
Let's check out the shapeshifter, find out decisively whether to be intrigued or worried

ALteratively, Ztolteskanx

>>973360
Seconded

It's looking like bedding any of these guys effectively is going to be a tall (if adventurous) order. Be sure to look up the physiology - both what they eat and what they excrete - of whoever you pick before showing up.

Personally, my vote's for Sir. He seems like a fellow rebel. Might have drama related to Madame. (Soul's a close second since they like music, and the whole dietary thing would have to refer to nonsentient animals (else they wouldn't be allowed to live among other sentients), though the size difference would have the opposite problem of GamerBug.) BTW, I assume you've already weeded out everyone with incompatible sexuality? Feel free to be a power-bottom on the second or third date, but don't be crass on the first, and try to stay away from BDSM levels of power - you seem like a dom, and I don't think he'd appreciate being a sub.

Meanwhile, Shifter's likes and dislikes send up a huge red flag; they aren't interested in sharing their desires, only to conform to yours. Any relationship you have with them will be shallow and one-sided unless you confront them about that at some point, assuming a date's even what they want out of you. (Just a word of advice in case this one wins; not voting for it myself, though.)

Ooh, though, we totally should encourage Mel to meet with GamerBug - sure, she isn't sexually compatible in a conventional way, but if they both like to roleplay, they could do some LAN party dates. Maybe have some masturbatory improv storytime later down the road. (Do tell him to do his research on her kind's culture if he bites, of course - wouldn't want him to write the wrong line.)

Kaktus 2020/07/28(Tue)15:20 No. 973436 ID: 2c5282
File 159597485727.png - (95.02KB , 700x550 , 6.png )

>So you don’t give your own ass about the ship model?
Exactly! If you’re going to give away your own fucking ass, then you need more than just some bloody cheap plastic toy. At least start with some dinner and some shitty movie or some bollocks.
>It's looking like bedding any of these guys effectively is going to be a tall (if adventurous) order. Be sure to look up the physiology - both what they eat and what they excrete - of whoever you pick before showing up.
You’ll make sure it safe before you go on the date, don’t you worry. Though, part of the excitement is going in blind, isn’t it?
>I assume you've already weeded out everyone with incompatible sexuality?
Isn’t that automatic? You’re pretty sure that’s automatic…
>Feel free to be a power-bottom on the second or third date, but don't be crass on the first, and try to stay away from BDSM levels of power - you seem like a dom, and I don't think he'd appreciate being a sub.
Hey, you’re flexible. No matter if they want a power bottom, a normal bottom or someone on top, you’re sure you can please them. Also, where did the BDSM thing come from? You’re not even into that shit?

>Etële, lets fuck some water!
While they are described as being a liquid life form, you don’t think they’ll be like water… maybe more like… jelly? Or maybe like syrup… hmm… you can’t help but wonder if they are sticky or not now…
>You should be very worried. You have to be way too courageous to go for a profile that sound so much like a serial killer trap.
It does sound very much suspect, yeah… but it can’t hurt to just message him... her… them? He said he was male, so you guess he’s a… well, he? But yeah, sending him a message won’t hurt… but you can do that later.
>Shifter's likes and dislikes send up a huge red flag; they aren't interested in sharing their desires, only to conform to yours. Any relationship you have with them will be shallow and one-sided unless you confront them about that at some point, assuming a date's even what they want out of you.
…you know, this is starting to sound like too much fucking work just to get your curiosity sated. Maybe you won’t message them at all…

>Urû Vol, let’s get fucked by a rock!
Would that mean… heh… that he’s going to be ROCK HARD? Hehe… heh… that was fucking horrible…
>Xi'ankh. It's time to make a house call.
She can't actually be the size of a house right? She must have written it in wrong. M3 must be… square meters, so maybe she accidently wrote the size of her apartment down?

>Qarka Soulfeaster. Are you feeling adventurous? This one seem to have equal chances of finding you cute or delicious and of loving your music or hating your noise.
While those claws look thrilling, you don’t like the fifty fifty chance of you being eaten. Maybe you should reread that warning text you saw from before… yeah, you definitely need to reread that thing before you meet any of these aliens in person.
>What kind of music do you play? If it's loud then I guess Qarka is a bad match. If you wouldn't mind playing some smooth, calming synth for her then it's a good match.
You’d like to think that you’re part of an intergalactic synth pop electro-funk band from outer space... so none of your songs are really too loud or scary…
>the whole dietary thing would have to refer to nonsentient animals (else they wouldn't be allowed to live among other sentients).
There’s no fucking way they have aliens around here eating other aliens. That wouldn’t simply work, would it?

>Madame Zaliasquenska tatil Xai Le-*bites tongue* fuck! That name is hard to pronounce!
...she’s called Madame Zalia under her picture, so you’re going to call her that as well. But yeah, she is the kind of lady that likes her titles, apparently.
>Compare Sir Ztolteskanx tol Xai's name and Madame Zaliasquenska tatil Xai Lentazin's.
They do seem familiar, but you can’t really tell because those Raolme names are tongue twisters if you’ve ever seen them. Hmm… maybe they are siblings? After all, she’s only… err… only… why does her profile say that she’s over 400 years old? Can that really be true?


>Go for Dragonknight.
He does seem to be handsome looking, even with the lack of eyes… and you did like his bowtie. Also, he’s an actual Sir, which is just kind of badass… yeah, you think you’ll send him a message, see if he’s interested.
>He sounds like he’s trying to get out from under his family. He might even be a fellow rebel, like you!
People who call themselves rebels seldom are. But it does sound like he wants to have some fun, so that’s a huge fucking positive. Either way, you’ve marked him as being interesting on the site, so you’ll just need to wait and see if he response.

>Don't be an asshole to Mel. You know what it's like to be treated like shit.
Hey, you’re not a fucking asshole to Mel! He’s just a bit annoying at time… but… shit, maybe you were being an asswipe.
>Isn't our buddy Mel into nerd things? Maybe we could try to convince him to make an account on this dating website and try to hook him up with GamerBug.
He’s not really your buddy, he’s just your roommate. You didn’t meet him until you traveled here, so you haven’t actually known him for more than a week and a half. He definitely needs to get laid, though, and you’re the perfect fucking guy to help him! Well, the only bollock here to help him, not counting the muscle head that also lives here, but still.
Hey, Mel, check this shit out.
Huh? W-wasn’t you busy just a moment ago?
Yeah, I fucking was and I still fucking am, but I decided to share this busy shit with you.
What is that? Some kind of game?
It’s a fucking dating site, you dork, for finding fucking aliens interested in fucking interspecies fucking! Well, it starts with dates, but you know where those things can go, right?
Err… t-that’s… um… n-neat…?
And look, here’s a cute little bug interested in dork stuff just like you. I mean, even if you don’t want to take her on a date, you can always nerd out together as friends?
Um… I g-guess?
Want some help setting up a profile, mate?
I t-think I can d-do that on my own… I… err… j-just need some time to digest this… and… err… I’m n-not sure about the… um… bug?
>Then we can ask him if she's actually the size of a house or not.
…she’s what?
It has to be a mistype, but it says that she’s 75 square meters big.
Can’t you just look up her species and see if it’s true?
Eh, that would be fucking boring as shit, though.

Um… why is there a red heart over the first one?
Oh sweet, he returned my notice of interest! Let’s see what he has to say…
…wait, he?
-----------------------
[Greetings]
[I got your request?]
[I don’t know what I need to do now. It’s my first time doing something like this?]
[Hey, no fucking sweat, I’m new to this too, mate.]
[Mate?]
[The names Tristan Dowe btw.]
[And you are Sir Ztolt?]
[I prefer to be addressed as just Zstolt.]
[I dislike the Sir part greatly.]
[And what does your btw title stand for?]
[It’s “By the way”, not a title.]
[Also, why not Sir? It’s pretty sweet.]
[Makes you sound like a fucking badass ready to kick some ass!]

Hey, Mel, by the way, what does Quadrupedal mean?
Um… well… Quadrupedalism is a form of locomotion in animals, often known as quadruped, which means “four feet” in-
They walk on all fours, is that it?
Err… yes?
Sweet.

[It would be a splendid title if I actually earned it.]
[I was just born in to the right family.]
[Then it’s time to earn that bad boy?]
[Because there is so many acts of bravery to do around here to earn it.]
[Besides, I’m not really that kind of person.]
[I mean, fucking badass.]
[I’m not fucking badass.]
[Hey, anyone can be fucking badass if they try.]
[I rather stay not fucking badass if that means not getting into mortal danger.]
[I mean.]
[Not getting into deep feces?]
[Deep shit.]
[Deep shit, yes.]

[Btw, can you send a picture of you that I can actually hear?]
[I already have a picture for you on my profile?]
[I don’t have eyes. I need to hear your shape.]
[There should be an option to take a pic with sonarsync on the datapad.]
[I am sure it is here somewhere?]

Hey, Mel, you know how you can take something called sonarsync with this thing?
Um… no, sorry… err… I guess I can look it up?
That would be fucking awesome, mate. Thanks.

[While you try and find that]
[This is supposed to be a date, yes?]
[That is the current agreement, yes.]
[We start with a dinner at this five star restaurant where I can get a table at]
[Followed by a play in the theater]
[Then a kiss on the check at the door before parting ways.]
[That seemed absurdly formulaic?]
[Also, I do not think theater is my fucking style.]
[Sounds boring as fuck]
[No offence]
[IT IS!]
[BORING!]
[AS FUCK!]
[Yet that is what I was forced to endure every time I tried a date before!]
[Forced?]
[My family wants to decide who I have a date it and how it do it.]
[It’s horrid.]
[It sucks balls?]
[I suck all the balls! That’s how much it sucks!]
[And what about me?]
[Something tells me I’m not on their fucking approved dating list.]
[They don’t know about you]
[So I’m the secret date then? Sweet.]
[It is indeed very sugary and sweet.]
[It is also very sour as I have no idea what to do instead.]
[What do you do on a date?]

Err… Tris, it’s that button you need to press to do the… um… sonar thingy?

>>973436
Okay time to profile picture. Make sure Mel isn't in the frame, get a good pose, and push the button.
>what to do on date
He finds plays boring so find something more active or engaging. Like... is there a flea market or something you could go to and browse around? Could also go for a walk or a hike somewhere interesting. Are there any festivals? You could see if there are any uh, theme park like things, even if it's a single event like an escape room.
Give him a few options for restaurants. How different does he want his dining to be? Greasy spoon? Decent quality buffet? Some weird gimmicky restaurant? Hmm, how about a revolving sushi bar, or something similar at least where you can pick out small dishes from a conveyor belt? Definitely make sure it's not high class cuisine.
Then later you can do more than a single kiss. Don't have to go that far on a first date but extended makeouts are definitely on the table.

[Oh, found the button. Sending you a pic now.] Have Mel walk you through it, but also make sure he's out of the shot. [How do I sound?]

For the record, if you don't remember inputting that info about your sexuality, then it's probably something you should ask him about, like [Before I forget, are you cool with me being a dude?]

[Anyway, we both agree with theatre sucking balls, but a meal's pretty much required on most dates. We prolly don't wanna get seen together at those 5-Star places you were talking about, but that doesn't mean we should skimp on the food. Lemme see if I can't find us a nice 4-Star place I'll be able to fit into better.]

>>973436
You use the word “fucking” a little too much. Might want to cut down on that because it’s a little weird to be using that word 5 times in the same sentence.

>date
You’re gonna need to rely on Zstolt to show around since you’re still really new to the space station. And ask him where he wants to go for a date, not where he’s been told he’s supposed to go for a date.

>Err…Tris, it’s that button you need to press to do the…um…sonar thingy?
“Thanks, buddy!”

Take a sonarsync picture of yourself and send it over to Zstolt.

>Err… Tris, it’s that button you need to press to do the… um… sonar thingy?
thanks Mel
[push sonar thingy]

As him what are some things he DOES like and try to figure something out from there. Also send sonar pic and ask if you did it right.

Thank Mel, make sure he's not in the picture when you take it. And find out what Zstolt would Actually like to do for a date instead of whats expected of him.

If he's not enthusiastic about his usual hangouts, why not show him yours? You probably don't know much about the area yet, but you've probably found a pub you like, right? You could have some drinks, eat some pub food, then go see what sights there are to see. You could even ask him to show you around.

Ask if he wants to go to a rock concert. That's more your style, but if he sees with sound it might be a real trip for him.

Kaktus 2020/07/29(Wed)14:58 No. 973483 ID: 2c5282
File 159605990419.png - (133.65KB , 900x800 , 7.png )

>You use the word “fucking” a little too much. Might want to cut down on that because it’s a little weird to be using that word 5 times in the same sentence.
Hey, that was kind of the joke. Also, you really like the word fuck. Fuck fuck fuckily fuck… okay, maybe you’re saying it bit too much at times, you admit…
>You’re still really new to the space station.
What space station? You’re on some alien colony on some planet that’s located near the edge of this massive alien empire spanning most of the galaxy. It is kind of a lot to take in now that you think about it, honestly.
>Then later you can do more than a single kiss. Don't have to go that far on a first date but extended makeouts are definitely on the table.
You’re willing to go all the way to the goal post if that’s an option, but you won’t force Ztolt into something he doesn’t want. If he just want a kiss, then a kiss he’ll get… but if he want to drag you home and have some fucking fun… well… we’ll see…


>“Thanks, buddy!”
D-don’t mention it… um… pal? So… d-do you need any more help or can I leave now?
Huh? Where are you in such a bloody hurry?
Oh… y-you know… got stuff to do…
Like checking out the site I showed you?
Ye- I mean… err… no, of course not… um… bye?
Have fun, heh…

>You’re gonna need to rely on Zstolt to show around since you’re still really new to this planet.
[So the deaf will be leading the deaf then.]
[I guess if you have some idea on what we will do, I can try and provide a location for it?]
>Ask him where he wants to go for a date, not where he’s been told he’s supposed to go for a date.
[Do not turn this around on me! I asked you first!]
[Besides, I already told you, I am not sure.]
[I am shit out of ideas.]

>Could also go for a walk or a hike somewhere interesting.
[There is the park in high town that has some really beautiful vistas, especially in the evening.]
[But walking around seem a bit dull.]
[I mean]
[Boring as fuck?]
[No offence?]
[It is a great opportunity to talk and get to know each other and shit, though.]
[That is true.]
[Yes, maybe a walk in the park would make a decent date after all.]
>is there a flea market or something you could go to and browse around?
[I can’t say if there is any markets like that around. I do not really keep my nose out for it.]
[How about a festival or something then?]
[Isn’t the culture festival this weekend here in high town?]
[Yes, it is. It is starting today in fact.]
[It is filled with all kind of old stuff from the days before we traveled the stars and shit like that.]
[That does kind of sound freaking sweet.]
[I haven’t been there since I was a kit]
[Though I usually aren’t that interested in that shit]
[But it does sound, as you say, freaking sweet to go there with you.]
[Aw, how sweet of you.]
[Don’t make this sour.]
>You could see if there are any uh, theme park like things, even if it's a single event like an escape room.
[Why would you escape a room? What’s in the room?]
[It’s full of fucking puzzles and shit. Then you solve them and find a way out on a timer?]
[I don’t think we have anything like that.]
[There is this scary mansion thing in low town]
[Never been there but I heard it’s alright?]
[That’s like an escape house?]
[That’s completely different.]
[But I does sound kind of fun!]
[I don’t know. I’ve never liked scary shit.]
[Aren’t you the brave Sir Ztolt?]
[Who bravely ran away. Yeah, that’s me.]
[But I guess if you’re there I’ll be alright?]
>If he's not enthusiastic about his usual hangouts, why not show him yours? You probably don't know much about the area yet, but you've probably found a pub you like, right?
[Oh, hey, actually I do know a place. It’s not a big place, but it might just do!]
[I will need a better description than it’s not a big place, Tristan.]
[It’s kind of a bar.]
[Where a bunch of different alien bands play.]
[So you listen and drink and shit.]
[My band have gotten a steady gig there twice a week.]
[You are in a band?]
[Yeah, I’m in a freaking band, mate!]
[Then I will need to listen to you play sometime.]
[But that can wait.]
[And while I do love listening to music, some alien instruments and songs can be outright painful to hear.]
[Do you know who will play?]
[I have no fucking idea, no… and I don’t think I have anyway to look it up either.]
[I guess we can always leave if things go wrong?]

[So, what sounds the most awesome? Take a trip through that culture festival, get scared shitless at that hunted mansion, go to the bar and listen to some music will getting shitfaced or just have a calm walk in the part? I’m up for all of them.]
[I can’t really decide.]
[Aw, come on, you’re leaving me with the decision making again?]
[As I said before. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing and what will work as a date.]
[So I will leave it in your hands.]
[I trust you to make it fun.]

Kaktus 2020/07/29(Wed)14:58 No. 973484 ID: 2c5282
File 159605991330.png - (70.77KB , 700x550 , 8.png )

>How different does he want his dining to be? Greasy spoon? Decent quality buffet? Some weird gimmicky restaurant? Hmm, how about a revolving sushi bar, or something similar at least where you can pick out small dishes from a conveyor belt? Definitely make sure it's not high class cuisine.
[What is this sushi and why do you need to turn it over?]
[It’s raw fish.]
[I’m sad to say, but I cannot eat that.]
[At least without making our date a short one.]
[I am an insectivore. We eat insects.]
[Oh, that does limit the options a bit.]
[Also, I rather not eat with greasy cutlery, so no greasy spoons or forks.]
[I am also not sure about what kind of gimmicks there are out there for restaurants.]
[How about this]
[Do you know somewhere simple we can eat?]
[Well, I know this café nearby that’s fucking sweet, but that’s more of a lunch place?]
[Excellent!]
[Then we shall meet for lunch!]
[Lunch?]
[Yes, lunch.]
[It is almost lunch time, is it not?]
[That way we can meet in person and discuss what we shall eat later.]
[Also, I can’t wait to hear your lovely visage]
[Though I only assume that it’s lovely]
[As I still haven’t been able to hear how you look.]
[OH RIGHT! THE PICTURE!]

>Okay time to profile picture. Make sure Mel isn't in the frame, get a good pose, and push the button.
As Mel has already left the room a while ago, you won’t need to worry about him. Instead, you simply lift up your data pad, make a cheesy pose and press the button. While you were expecting a flash of light or something like that, instead the only thing you heard was a really weird clicking sound. It sounded really out of place coming from the data pad… in fact; it sounded more like an insect? Either way, you can only hope you managed to take a decent picture.

[By the endless dark!]
[I mean]
[Holy shit!]
[So you got the picture?]
[It is not what I expected.]
[You are really cute!]
[I mean, if you like being called cute?]
[Otherwise you are a really beautiful gal.]
[Gal? You do know I’m a dude, right?]
[You are!?]
[Yes? Is that a problem?]
[No?]
[It kind of make you cuter even?]
[I am not used to men wearing makeup.]
[You can hear that I have makeup?]
[I am only guessing that it is makeup.]
[Or do you have something else above your eyes?]
[But still cute.]

>>973484
Hah, sounds like you're scoring some points already.
Tell him he looks pretty handsome himself.

>where to go
Well, it's not great to get too drunk on the first date, especially if you're not sure if sex is on the table.
Go to the festival! At worst it's slightly less boring than a walk in the park. It's reasonable to pick a safe bet for the first date, and try something riskier for future dates, after you've built up some goodwill.

Insectivore... can he eat smaller crustaceans? Shrimp or Crayfish?

Tell him we think he looks cute too.

Wonder if he can hear inside bodies and through clothing, like with an active sonar or ultrasonic scan or something like that? Maybe something to ask at an appropriate time?

>>973483
How about meeting up for lunch, and then later you can hit the bar. If the music ends up being too much for him, take a walk in the park after to chat after the alcohol has loosened lips.

>>973491
This looks like a good mix.

>>973491
Do this

Since he asked, confirm for him that you like being called cute and that you are wearing make-up.

>>973491
This is perfect.

Kaktus 2020/07/30(Thu)16:35 No. 973541 ID: 2c5282
File 159615213963.png - (91.50KB , 700x550 , 9.png )

>Hah, sounds like you're scoring some points already.
You were caught by surprise how positively he reacted to seeing your picture… but of course he thought you were cute. Yeah, you’re super cute! Sure… you’ll accept that. Cute. That works. It’s not what you expected but it works.

>Since he asked, confirm for him that you like being called cute and that you are wearing make-up.
[Then I shall continue calling you cute.]
[Also, good to know what is and isn’t originally part of your body.]
[I have never seen your species before, so it can get confusing.]
>Tell him we think he looks cute too.
[Cute?]
[I do not look cute.]
[Then how about handsome?]
[Handsome is better.]
[I really love your bowtie, it makes you look fucking cute.]
[I mean handsome.]
[It makes you look fucking handsome]
[Honestly, I’ve never liked it myself.]
[But if you think it makes me handsome, even fuckingly so, then I might need to reconsider.]

>How about meeting up for lunch, and then later you can hit the bar. If the music ends up being too much for him, take a walk in the park after to chat after the alcohol has loosened lips.
>Go to the festival! At worst it's slightly less boring than a walk in the park.
[So... the plan is:]
[A light lunch at this café.]
[Then to this bar.]
[And maybe a walk in the part or at the festival if everything goes well?]
[That’s the fucking plan, mate.]
[It does sound nice.]
[I mean]
[Fucking sugary?]
[Sweet.]
[Fucking sweet.]
[Just tell me if the music gets to loud at the bar later and I’m sure it will be fine.]
[Yes]
[I will]
[If that is the case]
[Good.]
[Yes. Good.]
[…]
[…]


[Confound it]
[I mean]
[Shit]
[What’s wrong?]
[Siblings are getting cranky that I’m hogging the bath.]
[You’re taking a bath?]
[It’s the only place I get left alone in this fucking place.]
[But I need to cut this short.]
[So let’s do lunch at that café?]
[I’ll forward the address to you. It’s a bloody nice place, so I’m sure you’ll love it.]
[I sure I will.]
[So let’s meet there soon]
[Let’s say]
[2 hours?]
[Meet there in 2 hours? That sounds fine.]
[It will be a bit of a late lunch, but I’m sure you don’t mind]
[But I’ll see you in 2 hours then.]
[May the rivers flow with you.]
[I mean]
[See you fucking later?]
[See you then.]

…and you have a date.

Kaktus 2020/07/30(Thu)16:35 No. 973542 ID: 2c5282
File 159615214858.png - (52.43KB , 700x550 , 10.png )

Oh shit. You have a date.

And you’re going to fuck it up, like you always fuck these things up. You are a fuckup, and you know it. Or you can make it work. Somehow. Just… act confident. Pretend to be confident. Like you always do. Keep telling yourself you’re confident, that you can do this, and sooner or later you’ll believe the lies. You can do this. You won’t fuck it up. This time you will actually succeed in fucking charming the lady… or the gentleman… as is the case… shit...

And in two hours!? You were expecting tomorrow or even the day after that, not in two hours! How are you supposed to be able to both calm down and get ready in just two hours!? Ugh… deep breaths, Tristan, deep breathes… you can do this… just act… confident… yeah… confident… freak…

>Insectivore... can he eat smaller crustaceans? Shrimp or Crayfish?
You have no idea! Maybe you can ask Mel if he… but you’ve already bothered that dork way to much already. Ugh, you’re going to fuck this up, aren’t you? You’re going to make him eat something he can’t stand… or you’re going to eat something you can’t stand? Because insects… ugh…
>Wonder if he can hear inside bodies and through clothing, like with an active sonar or ultrasonic scan or something like that? Maybe something to ask at an appropriate time?
Wait, how powerful is their hearing anyway? Or their smell? Is your smell going to be a problem? And the sounds you make? He won’t be able to see through you clothes, though… right? That doesn’t sound very plausible… but this is something you’ll need to worry about. Smell and noise… two more ways you can fuck everything up, as always.
>Well, it's not great to get too drunk on the first date, especially if you're not sure if sex is on the table.
Your nerves needs some fucking courage, but you get so easily shitfaced, don’t you? Ugh, going to the bar was probably a fuckup. You’re really bad with alcohol… though you really need a glass or two right now, not to mention all the other options wasn’t any better, really.

Maybe this was a shit idea…

No, Tristan, focus. Just focus on what you need to do before the date. You need to get cleaned. That’s easy. But he he’s blind, so smell is important to him, so… maybe you should skip putting on your usual cologne? Or maybe he’ll prefer something a bit more strong smelling? Then you need to dress the part. But dress how? You don’t really look ready for a date, do you? And he said he liked the makeup? Maybe you should add some more? Or did he actually say that? Maybe it’s better to remove it? Ugh, stop second guessing yourself… what more… you need… what more shit do you need for a date?

Maybe you just need to crawl under your blanket and pretend this never happened?

>>973542
Take bath, put on a *little* cologne, to play things safe while keeping your routine intact.
Check your chat log to reaffirm that he said your makeup made you look cuter, and... don't change it. I guess you'll have to reapply it after the bath, but just... put on the same kind.
Clothes... wear something nice, but casual since it's a lunch date and not a dinner date. Maybe something a little more feminine than you usually wear, but not enough that people would stare? Whatever makes you feel comfortable with who you are. This is an alien colony which means very few will know that it's unusual, much less something to judge you over.

>other things?
Try to calm down. Get a drink of water, use the restroom, make sure your nails are nice, brush your teeth, and let Mel know you're going out.

Little colgne, keep the makeup cause he liked it. Make sure to BATHE. If smells are important, you don't want to saturate things so much that you are smellin like you walked through a perfume store during rush hour.

You're overthinking it. take a moment to calm down.

I'm sure if during your date any sounds were bothering him he'd let you know, same as you'd do if say something with you albinism was bothering you. as for food, you're on an alien planet, everywhere's probably got at least something for some one.

Just get cleaned up and get ready, you have 2 hours.

He isn't familiar with your specie, so whatever you do he will assume is part of your culture until told otherwise. Dress how you would usually dress and act like you would usually act for he will not know what normal means for your kind.
He is already making an effort to incorporate your speech patters on his own, so if you intent to change your behavior in any way limit yourself to mimic his speech patters the same way he is doing. Things like replacing "blind" with "deaf" or using "endless dark" as an exclamation.

>>973542
You've already secured a date! That's more than some can even hope for. Your date wants to meet you, so in a way, you're already desirable and doing things right.

>You're going to make him eat something he can't stand, or he's going to make you eat something you can't stand
No. You're going out for lunch, and if the dish doesn't agree with you, you just move on to another one. He's sensible enough to do the same.

>anxiety, calming down before the date
Clear your mind, and just focus on deep breathing in and out, until the anxiety clears, thinking about how you're going to freshen up and the other things you'll do before your date. Do things one step at a time to get ready.

If you haven't bathed or hit the showers today, go do that real quick. Do whatever quick grooming you need to do, make sure your makeup is applied right the way you would have it on usually.

>maybe you should skip putting on your cologne
Look up, real quick, if your cologne's type of scent is distasteful to his species. If it is, you just dodged a bullet, go au natural. If it isn't go for it.

Zstolt wants someone to talk to as an equal. Don't worry about catering to his every exacting preference during the date, just show up in clothes you think look good to yourself.

>maybe you can ask Mel, but you've bothered that dork too much already.
No way, it's a simple question, and you should ask him. Surely he'll want to help.

I say take shower, get dressed like you're about to do a gig with your band and head on out. And the reason I'm saying put on your band gear is because I'm sure you try and look good while preforming and if the bar you're heading to recognizes you maybe they'll be a little friendly know that you're more or less a regular.

Oh and do you think you'll need your umbrella and shades, especially if this does turn into a walk or a trip at the fair it would really suck for the sun to ruin things but with the dome up you said it wasn't bothering you as much so... think it might be a good idea to bring them just to be safe?

>>973542
Just got to chill out. This guy wants to break out of his shell, live on the wild side. Take a quick shower and listen to some hard rock to psych yourself up and get in the mood, then get ready and go meet him.

Also remember to leave early.

Most important factors are cleanliness, neatness, and honesty.

Make sure you're clean and well-groomed, but don't change your style. You want to be yourself here. Listen to him on the date, and hope that he'll listen to you. Confidence is good, but lying about who you are isn't. Focus on your positive aspects. Maybe it will go wrong and you will offend him, but the only guarantee of that is if you don't go.

I'm sure the restaurant will be able to cater to Raolme; I'd be more worried about yourself, but you'll never know until you try it.

>>973542
Let's take a good shower first.

>>973542
>>973544
Tristan: Try to calm down, fail, panic while taking shower.
Switch POV to Mel.

a shower will help you relax

Well, when an ultrasound is given or the right type of sea creatures use their abilities to see into things, there's a feeling to it. The sound produces a physical vibration sensation in the part being scanned. It is an ACTIVE ability where sound has to be overtly emitted! So if you feel a strange tingling/vibration in certain parts of your body that you can't explain otherwise (perhaps because it's outside your normal range of hearing)... it might be a sonar/echolocation scan, maybe? ... Wait, don't those sea creatures use the scans erotically? Man, if he could do that, that would be AWESOME for bedroom stuff!

Kaktus 2020/08/01(Sat)14:47 No. 973649 ID: 2c5282
File 159631844010.png - (54.30KB , 700x550 , 11.png )

>Switch POV to Mel.
As much as you wish to be someone that has it as easy as Mel has, you can’t. At least, not right now. You’ll simply have to wait for another thread to get his point of view.

>Confidence is good, but lying about who you are isn't.
And if you wish you were the lie you keep telling yourself? After all, you are a confident, handsome dude that takes no shit… and… you’re cute?
>You're overthinking it. Take a moment to calm down.
That’s right, you need to stop thinking about this shit to deeply and focus on the now instead. You might be a fuckup later, but right now you aren’t.
>You've already secured a date! That's more than some can even hope for. Your date wants to meet you, so in a way, you're already desirable and doing things right.
You’ve always found it rather easy to secure dates, the problem is actually getting through them. Usually you do something to fuck everything up… but just as often it’s already gone to crap because they expected someone else… either in your personality or your looks.

>Zstolt wants someone to talk to as an equal.
Which is the problem. He wants someone who is his equal…
>This guy wants to break out of his shell, live on the wild side.
Now that is something you might just be able to help him with. After all, you’ve always been bloody wild.
>if the bar you're heading to recognizes you maybe they'll be a little friendly know that you're more or less a regular.
Which is part why you suggested that place in particular. You know the fuckers that work there… well, some of them… but most importantly the bouncer.

>Most important factors are cleanliness, neatness, and honesty.
Cleanliness is freaking easy, neatness in your surroundings isn’t your thing most of the time but you usually keep yourself neat at the very least. As for honesty… well…
>A shower will help you relax.
A cold shower does soothe the soul as well as cleans it.
>Listen to some hard rock to psych yourself up and get in the mood.
The mood leans more toward Synth Rock, so you put some on while taking that shower.
>Make sure your nails are nice.
You polished them this morning, so they should be nice and soft.
>Brush your teeth.
Which you also did this morning, though it won’t fucking hurt to use some mouth wash. Better to have a minty fresh breath than one that reeks of dead shit.

>Keep the makeup cause he liked it.
He did say he liked it, didn’t he? Though… he had a hard time actually seeing… err… hearing it? Hmm... Will he even notice if you put on a bit of mascara? You usually don’t wear it but…
>Put on a *little* cologne, to play things safe while keeping your routine intact.
Yes, safe… you like safe when it comes to dates… safe is good… as far as you can get from fucking up, really.
>Look up, real quick, if your cologne's type of scent is distasteful to his species.
And you’ve already done your first fuckup by not checking that first! Luckily… or unluckily, you can’t find anything about this particularly scent at all. Of course, you can’t really understand what scents his species find distasteful either, with the exception of the usual things that most people think smells like shit. Well, there were a warning about powerful smells, but that’s about it…

>Get dressed like you're about to do a gig with your band.
You really don’t want to go around in costume all night… not to mention you don’t think Ztolt would appreciate it either. Besides, that thing is a nightmare to get shit out of, so no fucking thanks.
>Clothes... wear something nice, but casual since it's a lunch date and not a dinner date.
Your usual clothes are as casual as you can get, really… though of course you don’t really have any super nice shit to put on in the first place anyway.
>Maybe something a little more feminine than you usually wear, but not enough that people would stare? Whatever makes you feel comfortable with who you are.
Do you even have anything that feminine to wear? You do have some things that are more pink and purple. Yeah, no matter what the other fuckers says, you’ve always been able to rock the pink!

So it’s either that or the clothes you usually wear… or should you hurry and buy something new before the date? Hmm… he was wearing a bowtie in that picture, so maybe he’s expecting a suit? You don’t... do suits very well…


>Let Mel know you're going out.
You can hear him talking to himself in the other room, so you don’t even need to leave the bathroom to speak to him.
Hey, Mel, what was that about talking to yourself you said earlier?
Huh!? I wasn- I mean, I… err… did… I’m s-sorry.
No sweat, dude. You do you. Just wanted to say I’m going to bail soon, so lock up if you leave, you dig?
Err… sure… um… good luck?
>No way, it's a simple question about insectivore, and you should ask Mel. Surely he'll want to help.
What? Why would I know about alien diets? I mean… I’m pretty sure crustaceans aren’t insects, Tris? Why don’t you look it up yourself?
Because I only understand like half the shit that they write in that freaking Archive thing of theirs!
Then ask them about what they eat?
…I guess that works too? Thanks a bunch, mate.

>No. You're going out for lunch, and if the dish doesn't agree with you, you just move on to another one. He's sensible enough to do the same.
Right. He’s an adult, just like you. You don’t need to worry about him, as he will take care of himself. You need to stop thinking that this is like some badly written dating sim or something!
>I'm sure the restaurant will be able to cater to Raolme; I'd be more worried about yourself, but you'll never know until you try it.
They’ll probably have more food for him than they have for you, seeing as you’re the one they’ll find more alien. After all, you’re in their home, not the other way around. You are the alien… fuck, that’s kind of weird… shit man…
>I'm sure if during your date any sounds were bothering him he'd let you know, same as you'd do if say something with you albinism was bothering you.
Indeed, he is after all a human being who you can talk to and… well, he’s not human, but you get the idea.
>Oh and do you think you'll need your umbrella and shades?
You always have them in your bag, just in case.

>When an ultrasound is given or the right type of sea creatures use their abilities to see into things, there's a feeling to it. So if you feel a strange tingling/vibration in certain parts of your body that you can't explain otherwise it might be a sonar/echolocation scan, maybe?
Hmm… the only thing you experienced when you activated that Sonarsync crap was a weird sound, but that might change when you meet Ztolt in person.
>Wait, don't those sea creatures use the scans erotically? Man, if he could do that, that would be AWESOME for bedroom stuff!
That’s… err… heh, yeah, that would be awesome, wouldn’t it. And weird… but mostly sweet.

>Also remember to leave early.
You still have a full hour, so it’s still a bit too early to be leave early.

Let’s see… calmed the fuck down: Check. Cleaned up: Check. Solved the dress situation… well, you haven’t actually decided yet but… almost check?

Let’s see… what else… is there anything more you need to do before the date? Maybe grab a glass of liquid courage? Or have a quick wank. You’ve heard that supposed to be something you do before a date. Of course, you heard that from a terrible movie, but still… and aren’t you supposed to bring a gift or something? Hmm…

Don't bother bringing a gift, it's a bit too early for that kind of thing, you don't even know what kind of stuff he'd like yet.

Wear what you usually do, wear the make-up, don't worry about a gift right now. The real goal of this will be getting to know each other, so you can get a gift later once you have a better idea what he might like.

>liquid courage
No, save the social drinking for the date if you're going to.

>quick wank
Don't shoot your load just yet, we're running things tight on energy and drive as it is! We want to go into this with some mana.

>aren't you supposed to bring a gift
Zstolt wants to have a fun and interesting date. Gift giving and making yourself out to not be his equal are exactly how not to go.

Don't make a big deal out of his social status, just treat him as your equal, because in this situation you are: you're looking to get to know each other personally over the course of lunch.

>Zstolt wants someone to talk to as an equal.
>Which is the problem. He wants someone who is his equal…

This is why I didn't vote for him. Guess people wanted bow tie dragon now rather than latter...


>You do have some things that are more pink and purple.
The color doesn't matter, you are dating a blind person.

>you heard that from a terrible movie
That movie suck and the advice was given by someone trying to sabotage the protagonist chances.

>liquid courage?
Didn't you said that you get shitface easily? Drunk people are only fun to hang around when you are also drunk, so don't start before Zstolt.

>supposed to bring a gift
Like flowers? That is pretty gay dude.
You could give him a trinket that serve as a conversation piece. Something like a deck of cards.

>deck of cards
I just realize I made a terrible suggestion. Raolmes either can't see the cards content or can "see" the adversary hand.

>>973649
Well, normal clothes are fine for a lunch date too. Just so long as you look good. The color doesn't matter, as someone else said, so... the style and condition is more important. Maybe material as well but we don't know what he likes in that respect.

Mascara could work but it shouldn't matter. He thought you looked really good with just eyeliner on. Leave it off.

Honestly, there's nothing you can do right now that will matter, if your problem is that you do/say something wrong during the date that fucks it up. I wonder though, is that even possible here? You're dating someone from a completely different culture, who won't expect you to know his culture. If you offend him, you can just apologize and find out how to avoid doing so again.

>>973649
If this date goes well, you guys might end up in bed together! Just make sure you guys wear protection so that neither of you end up pregnant!

……what? He's an alien, you don't know how his biology works! It's entirety possible that you could get Zstolt pregnant! Or he could get you pregnant! There's a very real chance that could happen, even though both of you are male!

>>973674
That's not how biology works.

>>973675
We never know there are species that BECOME female and pregnant if inseminated or actually carry the females egg inside themself or turns into female and spontaneously self impregnate if left alone long enough and some of those are actual RL animals

Even considering that, there's no way they'd be interfertile without MAJOR shenanigans going on. And any civilization that has sufficiently advanced technology to allow for true xenofertility, has trivially managed birth control as a matter of course.

It's probably too early for gifts, but he's inexperienced at this. If he brings a gift and you don't have one it might seem rude.

Bring a song album, maybe one of yours'? You can play it off as wanting to show off your music if it turns out to be a no gift thing, and see if he can even listen to your music.

>>973679
Yeah, I like the EP idea, but don't reveal it unless A) He also brings a gift, or B) he asks about your music.

Kaktus 2020/08/02(Sun)17:46 No. 973708 ID: 2c5282
File 159641558684.png - (79.25KB , 700x550 , 12.png )

>Didn't you said that you get shitface easily? Drunk people are only fun to hang around when you are also drunk, so don't start before Zstolt.
Ugh… getting drunk will make you fuck up, yes, but without it you’re going to be a bundle of nerves the whole time…
>Don't shoot your load just yet, we're running things tight on energy and drive as it is! We want to go into this with some mana.
It probably was a horrid advice anyway, from a shitty movie.

>Wear what you usually do.
Actually, just going as yourself is kind of calming in a way.
>The color doesn't matter, you are dating a blind person.
You keep forgetting that he is blind… though, you have to wonder, how much can he actually see? He did see that you were cute, so there’s that, but you don’t really know what he will or won’t notice.
>Mascara could work but it shouldn't matter. He thought you looked really good with just eyeliner on. Leave it off.
So leave it as you usually have it…
>Maybe material matters as well but we don't know what he likes in that respect.
Hmm… material and smell is probably more important to him than color… but you can’t really predict what he will like or not.

>It's probably too early for gifts, but he's inexperienced at this. If he brings a gift and you don't have one it might seem rude.
Which kind of puts you in a bind, doesn’t it? You guess you can get something and only give it if he brings a gift as well? That might work…
>Like flowers? That is pretty gay dude.
You’re going on a date with a man, so it’s as gay as it gets already. Though… aren’t they some kind of reptile? Which means… they don’t have balls… so… your balls can’t touch, thus it is impossible for it to be gay?
>Bring a song album, maybe one of yours'? You can play it off as wanting to show off your music if it turns out to be a no gift thing, and see if he can even listen to your music.
That’s an amazing idea! Not only is it a personal gift, but you can show off your skills to him as well! You just need to remember to play it cool and not force it… as well as hope that he likes the music.

>Honestly, there's nothing you can do right now that will matter, if your problem is that you do/say something wrong during the date that fucks it up.
Being prepared and in the right mindset helps… not to mention going on a date looking like a pile of shit is never endearing… be it intentionally or not. Hmm… better make sure that you haven’t been sitting in anything vile, that has happened once and you’ll make fucking sure it doesn’t again.
>You're dating someone from a completely different culture, who won't expect you to know his culture. If you offend him, you can just apologize and find out how to avoid doing so again.
You can still offend him so massively that he won’t forgive it… or keep offending him some way over and over again… or you can just be bore or a turd or something else he isn’t attractive to… there’s so many ways to fuck up…
>Don't make a big deal out of his social status, just treat him as your equal, because in this situation you are: you're looking to get to know each other personally over the course of lunch.
What even is his social status? Is he a big deal? Oh shit, are you going on a date with some big shot!? What if you’ll need to look out for bodyguards… or paparazzi… or… or mafia goons or… whatever!? Fuck it, Tris, stop it! You’re overthinking this shit again! You’re sure he’ll be just a normal dude with a normal job… that’s still important enough to get titles thrown at him… yeah…

Alright, time to stop fucking around and be awesome! You’re here! You’ll endear! You are probably queer! …and you’re almost a whole ten minutes early, giving you plenty of time to get a table and relax for a bit before Ztolts gets here.

Kaktus 2020/08/02(Sun)17:46 No. 973709 ID: 2c5282
File 159641559404.png - (91.70KB , 700x550 , 13.png )

Then you get a message from Aliena Affinitas, the dating site the two of you were using… a message containing information that is good to know before you go on a date with a Raolme. Apparently, your species share the same kind of acids, so most food that they serve will be fine for your consummation, though they will mostly only eat insects. It also says that… ah… sexual fluids are fine to be… ingested… so no protection is needed? Though there are a few warnings as well…

Warning: Strong sounds and smells can disorient a Raolme, and is considered very rude.
Warning: Raolme teeth are very sharp. If a bite results in bleeding, seek medical aid immediately.
Warning: Raolme teeth are venomous and while not deadly, even the slightest touch may result in temporary localized paralysis. While not fatal on its own, it might create dangerous situations.
Warning: If you are an insectoid species, please reconsider your dating partners. There have been many cases of accidental ingestion, even in situation where you the insectoid was consider larger than the Raolme.
Warning: Do not tie a Raolme into a knot. They do not like it.

Oh right. You were so busy being a sad piece of shit that you forget to fucking read up on his species. But you still have a few minutes, so you’re sure you can look it up real quick… at least the important stuff. Let’s see… they are blind… have really good smell… navigates through echolocation? Huh… cool… hmm… walks on all fours… their bones are malleable? What does that even mean? They can grow, extend and retract bone structures at will? They can move all their internal organs? What? The? Fuck? What have you gotten yourself into?

>If this date goes well, you guys might end up in bed together! Just make sure you guys wear protection so that neither of you end up pregnant!
…how would that even… you know what, they are already weird as hell, so you better make sure… no, they can’t make others butt pregnant, thank god. So that’s something at least that you won’t need to worry about.
>He's an alien, you don't know how his biology works! It's entirety possible that you could get Zstolt pregnant! Or he could get you pregnant! There's a very real chance that could happen, even though both of you are male!
According to this archive thing the aliens got, then fuck no, that won’t happen. Their baby making ways are surprisingly similar to your own, in that the dude blow a load into the girl and then a baby happens…

A weird clicking sounds next to you brings you out of your daydreaming about weird alien pregnancies. It’s the same sound you heard when you took that sonar picture, in fact. Looking down, you find who you can only assume is Sir Ztolt standing right next to you, looking… you think he’s a bit lost? You’re not sure… you can’t really read aliens that well yet.

May I have a moment, my fungalniod fellow? I am in search of someone of the Burettian species, so may I ask if you can direct me to one that’s possibly sitting alone, seemingly waiting for someone? As you certainly know, they are a rather new species, so I haven’t had the chance to learn what they smell like yet… not to mention all these people, smells and noises is confusing me a bit… fuck, am I even in the right building?

…and is that a bowler hat?

Holy shit i know he said he didn't like being called cute but he is downright adorable.

welp, better let him know he found you.

>>973709
I believe the term to describe him is "dapper".
Sounds like he thinks you're a fungoid because of the silhouette of the umbrella. Tell him he's found his date, and put away the umbrella so he can "see" you better.

Fold your umbrella.

"Funny coincidence, he's looking for you too, mate."

"Hey, Ztolt? It's me, Tristan. You're looking handsome."

Then find a seat.

>>973711
Dappadorable.

Well it seems being the being absolutely lost is a universal expression on his species as well. Time to play it cool. Introduce your self.

"Ah- That's me. Is it my parasol that confused you?" Offer to lead him to a quiet corner.

>>973709
>their bones are malleable? What does that even mean?
It means they can bend in lots of ways.

>Ztolt
Tell him that he’s already found his date and introduce yourself to him. You’re gonna have to explain why you have an umbrella to him.

And since he mentioned that he doesn’t know what you smell like, he might try to smell you. If he does, let him and don’t push him away.

Well tell him that if his name happens to be Ztolt then he has found him.

>>973709
Ask if his name is Ztolt, then confirm your identity to him.

You got got yourself a gentleman. Just look at that hat, is fucking adorable.

Oh and do mention your cologne if he's trying to get your scent.

>>973709
What is your species like anyways, Tristan?

Introduce yourself in person. Apologize if your cologne confused him, in retrospect it was not the best of decisions.

Kaktus 2020/08/05(Wed)16:50 No. 973913 ID: 2c5282
File 159667145364.png - (109.58KB , 700x550 , 14.png )

>What is your species like anyways, Tristan?
Normal? You walk on two legs, eat most things, fucks most things and shit like you’re supposed to do. It’s kind of hard to explain, actually…
>It means they can bend in lots of ways.
…kinky.

>Holy shit i know he said he didn't like being called cute but he is downright adorable.
Most… resist… urge… to… pet… tiny… mobster…
>I believe the term to describe him is "dapper".
He’s dapper as fuck! It makes you feel massively underdressed, though.
>Dappadorable.
How can he be both cute and stylish at the same time!? That’s not supposed to be allowed!


>Sounds like he thinks you're a fungoid because of the silhouette of the umbrella.
…huh. You guess the umbrella does kind of look like a large mushroom cap?
>"Funny coincidence, he's looking for you too, mate."
He is? Then may I ask that you point me in his direction, ma’am? Wait, did you say mate? Tristan?
Yes?
…oh. …shit.
>Fold your umbrella.
As you fold up your umbrella and put it back in your bag, you can outright see how the pieces starts falling into place for Ztolt.
…is having an umbrella a fashion choice for your species? Because I am pretty certain it’s not going to rain today.
I’m sure it’s for some, but I mostly use it to protect myself from the sun.
…your species can’t handle the sun?
They can. I can’t. I’m an albino, which makes my fur white, eyes red and the sun fucks my shit up if I’m not careful.
Huh… fur of silver, eyes of fire…

>Time to play it cool. Introduce yourself.
I am Tristan Dowe, usually just Tristan but my friends call me Tris. I would shake your hand but I’m not sure if that’s something your kind does?
Sir Ztolteskanx tol Xai, chu ton o Ankh, yadda yadda and shit, the second… but call me Ztolt. Just Ztolt. And I would entangle my tail with yours but it seems a bit small for that… that is your tail, correct?
That is indeed my tail, mate.
>And since he mentioned that he doesn’t know what you smell like, he might try to smell you. If he does, let him and don’t push him away.
I have to ask, may I… ah… get your scent?
Go crazy, Z.
…
That means you may get my scent.
I… assumed as much, but it’s better to be careful.

His snout almost brushes against your waist as he sniffs you… you’re just lucky he’s wasn’t just a bit shorter, or this might have been even more awkward…

>Oh and do mention your cologne if he's trying to get your scent.
So that what that is. It is remarkable similar to the smell of a Mrrgh.
I’m fucking sorry if it made it a bit confusing for you.
No no, it is fine. It’s just a coincidence… unless you’re trying to smell like a large, walking mushroom?
Unless they smell freaking sweet, then no, I wasn’t.
Talking of sweet… the smell under it… what is that?
…you mean my natural smell?
No, something else… it’s a bit fruity? It’s some kind of fruit I’ve never smelled before…
…you mean my shampoo? It is strawberry scented.
I have no idea what you just said, but it smells lovely.
I’ll keep that in mind to next time.

Kaktus 2020/08/05(Wed)16:51 No. 973914 ID: 2c5282
File 159667146299.png - (114.17KB , 700x550 , 15.png )

>You're looking handsome.
Thank you. Sadly, I cannot say the same for you.
Um…
No, wait, that came out wrong. I cannot say the same for you because I can’t get a good look at you like this. I do like the glasses, though. They make you look sharp.
And I love your hat, mate. It’s ado- It’s really dapper.
And functional.
Oh? What does it do? Protect you from the sun as well?
It protects me from unwanted head pats.
…unwanted pats?
You’d be fucking surprised how often aliens likes to pat us on the head for some reason… so wearing a hat protect me from that.
…heh, a likely story. That thing clearly doesn’t protect you from snout pats, which would probably increase thanks to how ad- how dapper that hat makes you look.
*Snrk* Alright, yes, I’m kidding. No, it’s my teeth that protects me from those head pats.
Teeth?
I might bite the hand that pet me?
By the eternal darkness, remind me to ask for permission before I try to pat you.
Ha!

Ztolt snout widens into a large grin filled with wicked teeth, a grin that’s just slightly too big… it’s a good thing you resisted the urge to pet him earlier…

It’s the endless dark… and please, you don’t need use our phrases and words. I rather listen to the shit you say in your own tongue.
Noted… though I just assumed that you were doing too same with me, what with the sudden swearing.
Swearing? No, swearing is kind of a universal language…or at least it’s easily translated between species. No, I don’t swear for your sake, but my own. Though I admit I might be trying to learn a few new phrases from you. It’s just… when I am with my usual circles of associates and family, I’m forced to be all prim and proper.
While with me you can let lose a bit and talk shit?
It’s a little freedom, but a nice one, to be able to say that they are all fucking… um…
Wankers?
I’m sure that sounds better in your langue, but yes, they are all boring fucking masturbaters.
Well, fuck ‘em. Now, let’s forget about those bollocks and have some freaking fun!
Heh… yes, let’s…

>Offer to lead him to a quiet corner.
A quiet corner does sound, as you put it, fucking sweet.
There is one right over there… err… I me-
I heard where you pointed, do not worry. Now, have you already decided what to order?
Honestly, I’m still a bit unsure what’s what on the menus you guys have here. I’ve found something that’s burger like and I’ve been sticking to that so far, so…
I have prepared by looking up the menu and I found something that sounded rather delightful. Only problem is that it’s a bit heavy for lunch, so I was going to ask if you wished to share it with me?
Well…
Wait, your kind do eat live insects, correct? It said you were omnivores, which includes insects and shit, correct?
Err… live ones?
Also, I must ask, are you well, Tris?
Huh? Why do you ask?
Because your heart beat keeps going up and down quite a bit. It’s honestly a bit distracting.

There are some cultures back home that sometimes eat live animals, but I'm not from one of them. We mostly prefer food to be cooked by heat or chemically. It helps ease digestion, you see.

We certainly could eat insects...probably, but live might be a bit much.

>>973914
Tell him you're a bit nervous, and worried about saying the wrong thing. I guess playing it cool doesn't work when he can hear your heartbeat.

A live insect... uh, normally you don't eat things alive. Generally it's cooked, but there are certain dishes where something is raw but still fresh so as to keep it from being contaminated. On the other hand there are some dishes which could be considered spoiled from an outside perspective, like cheese, and of course alcoholic beverages.
As for whether or not to eat the bug... well, so long as it doesn't move while you're eating it? Killing it right beforehand should be fine.

>Emotional rollercoaster
This is just something my hearth do. Is this too different from other species you've met?
I could try to get more zen but it would take weeks of practice.

>eat live insects
It's a bad idea, but I'm open to new experiences.

Assuming we don't have a heart condition we don't know about which is...possible but really unlikely, the heartbeat stuff is probably just nerves.

I guess we can, physiologically, but it's not usually considered normal. I've never really tried it, but I have to admit it doesn't sound particularly appealing. But I guess I can try it and order something else if it doesn't work out?

"Wait, are we going to be biting into the same thing? I know it isn't direct biting, but would it be safe to eat something your teeth touched? Would cutting this big bug in half first ruin it or something?"

>>973914
Your species easily goes into states of excitement, which is why your heartbeat keeps speeding up. It means that you're enjoying his company.

As for live insects, well... you would rather eat your portion dead and cooked. But if they're able to do half and half that, you're willing to give it a try.

Kaktus 2020/08/06(Thu)15:04 No. 974016 ID: 2c5282
File 159675147746.png - (127.16KB , 700x550 , 16.png )

>Tell him you're a bit nervous, and worried about saying the wrong thing.
And that makes your heart beat faster? Hmm… interesting.
Is this too different from other species you've met?
Considering most species doesn’t have one large muscle pumping blood around their whole body, then yes, it is a bit odd.
You don’t have a heart?
I have a lot of muscles to pump my blood around instead of just having one large fucker in the middle of my chest.
So you’re practically heartless?
*snrk* While my family is known for that, I like to think that I’m a bit different. Always have been more like gran gran than anyone else after all…
I’m sure you have ten thousand hearts of gold in you.
And you have a singular, huge one. Heh… must suck to go through heartbreak with that thing.
Better one large heartbreak than a thousand small ones.
Mmm… maybe you’re right… though it’s more like a hundred, but I digress…
>It means that you're enjoying his company.
And I do enjoy yours as well, even if we haven’t spent that much time together. Don’t have a humongous fucking heart to show it off, though.
Hey, no sweat. I got other ways to see if you’re having a good time, mate.
Oh… really?
For example, you scratch the shit out of the ground with your right hind leg every time I make you smile.
I do? I… I haven’t actually notice that I do that…
>I guess playing it cool doesn't work when he can hear your heartbeat.
Actually, I am quite impressed. That’s one of the reasons why I was so confused at first, as nervous people usually show it off in other ways.
I guess it something you learn being part of a band. Can’t show people how nervous you are when you’re on stage, eh?
I’d love to hear more about this band of yours, but that can wait until later. Right now we should focus on the food, as I’m fucking starving. So what do you say, Tris, share a meal?

>I've never really tried it, but I have to admit it doesn't sound particularly appealing.
It doesn’t?
We can eat insects, sure, but we usually don’t?
Ah… I see…
>We mostly prefer food to be cooked by heat or chemically. It helps ease digestion, you see.
Then the dish I had in mind might not be the most ideal one.
I rather eat my portion dead and cooked so… unless you’re able to do a half and half…
How do you half kill, half cooks something?
Eh… necromancy?
...wait, you’re telling me that they have a level 5 [Translation Not Found!] with the spell [TNF!] just waiting in the kitchen in case someone wanted to [TNF!] and [TNF!] with their [TNF!]?
Half of that didn’t translate well, but I’m guessing it was a roleplaying reference to fucking D&D or some such?
It was indeed a nerd joke, yes… though it’s not from the game you mentioned… which translated to “Dinner and Dick”, which I’m pretty sure isn’t right?
Err… no… no it is not…
Maybe we can play a game of it sometime in the future? The tabletop game, not the freaking dinner and dick part. Geez…
I guess that might be fun, yeah.

>Wait, are we going to be biting into the same thing?
…no? We have utensils, don’t we? Which usually includes a knife?
>Would it be safe to eat something your teeth touched?
I do not believe my venom have any effect if ingested, nor do I believe it will stay active for very long inside something I bite.
That’s good to hear. Would suck if I poisoned myself by sharing a cupcake or something with you.
Not that my venom is dangerous to your kind. If I understand it correctly, if I bit your hand it would only paralyze your hand for a little while and nothing more. Oh, and apparently it gives off a warm, pleasant feeling as well.
Aw man, and here I was hoping to trip some balls…
Heh, sorry man, but you need more powerful stuff for that.
>Well, so long as it doesn't move while you're eating it?
You know, maybe I should order something else?
That might be a good idea, yeah. Oh! How about this, we both order something individually and then we can share the shit between us? That way we can both get a taste of what the other like, eh?
That does sound like a good idea, as long as you order something I can actually digest.
Well… it says the burger has a Raolme option, so I guess that might work?
Whatever you just said didn’t translate, but if it has a Raolme option, then it’s fine.
Then let’s order!

It doesn’t take long after finding that quiet corner you promised him before a waiter approached the two of you. While ordering you make sure to specify that you want the Raolme option while Ztolt make sure that you can actually consume what he is ordering, which you can. Then the waiter scurries off, leaving the two of you alone again as well as leaving two tall glasses of… something drinkable that Ztolt ordered?

Oh, yes, I almost forgot! I… um… got you something?
Oh?
Well… see… funny story… I was kind of in a hurry and… um...
…and you… forgot something?
I kind of forgot for a second that you weren’t a Raolme? A bit silly, yes?
So, you got me a…?
I got you some flowers?
Flowers? Wait… aren’t those just… herbs?
Herb flowers, yes! They… smell really good? There’s [TNF!], [TNF!] and [TNF!] as well as this new thing they have that I really liked called basilica. So yes, I… got you some herbs?
…can’t say I’ve ever gotten a bouquet of herbs before.
As I said, I was kind of going on auto pilot and… as this is my first date with an alien so… I’m sorry, I fucked up a bit?

>>974016
Hmm, they look kindof nice anyway. Take a sniff, see how they smell.

Good thing you have that album ready! Tell him you weren't sure if there was going to be a gift exchange but you brought something just in case.
Ask what kind of music he likes!

Don't worry! I enjoy a good potpourri! It's very thoughtful of you. Just because my species uses sight to navigate doesn't mean we don't like a pleasant scent!

>>974016
No, this is a fine gift. Normally, we go in for flowers for their colors, and herbs of all sorts are used for food... if that's basil in the bouquet, there'll be at least one familiar scent there!

>I’m sorry, I fucked up a bit?

tell him not to worry about it. It's the first date where neither of you really know the other all the well yet. Flowers, or herbs, are a good safe gift when you're not too sure what the other person likes. Guess this would also be a good time to give him a copy of one of your band cds/mp3/whatever you burned the damn thing onto. If he asked why you gave him a copy of our songs just tell him that you also felt that music was also a good safe choice and that you gave him some of your band's songs because you kinda wanted to make sure that none of the interments or anything that you guys play would be considered harmful or painful to his species. Would kinda make for a shitty night if you tried to be cute and play a song for him only to THEN find out that your instrument of choice hurts him.

"I hope they're safe; better to double-check with a bouquet made entirely out of stuff that 'fails to translate.' I do look forward to the smell if it's safe, though, if your own tastes are at all consistent."

"That's actually really fucking romantic, mate. It's a bit unconventional, but I have a feeling this relationship is going to be a whole lot of that so it's actually kind of poetic in a way. Besides, they look nice, let's see how they fucking smell, yeah?"

"Actually, I got you something too. I didn't know if gifts were expected on the first date, so I was playing it safe. I brought you some of my band's music, maybe you could listen to it a bit later?"

Now that the food's been ordered, it's time to make small talk. He mentioned tabletop games, is that something he's done before?

pretty sure the one that actually translated is basil, so hey maybe we can cook with these at some point. it's a nice gift, and since he gave us one i suppose lets give him our music CD.

>>974016
Tell him that you're impressed with how he can hear your heartbeat. You've got these really big ears (grab and wiggle them so he knows where they are on your body) and you can't hear something like that!

Then crack a joke on what he would've been sniffing if he was just a little shorter!

>Gift
Tell him not to worry about it and give him his gift. Tell him you also went on auto pilot as this is also your first date with an alien and you kinda forgot that he's got sensitive hearing, so you're not sure if your music will give him a headache if he listens to it. You're also not sure if he has a way to listen to the CD, since he might not own the device necessary to play it.

Looks like you're the one that might've fucked up a bit.

>Flowers
Gaaaayyyy!

Thank him for the gift and offer him the music record.

>Dinner and Dick
That is a very topical mistranslation. What other weird therms does this program come up with if you two start to recite abbreviations and acronyms to each other?

>>974016
It seems like Tris would be good at poker. He's got a good poker face and can pick out peoples' tells, even in aliens.

Thank him for the bouquet and take a smell of it. Now would be the time to reveal that album. Tell him you wanted to see if he likes or can even listen to your music. In case you ever invite him to a concert or something.

Kaktus 2020/08/08(Sat)17:16 No. 974179 ID: 2c5282
File 159693220091.png - (106.17KB , 700x550 , 17.png )

>It seems like Tris would be good at poker. He's got a good poker face and can pick out peoples' tells, even in aliens.
There’s a reason why your band doesn’t play poker with you anymore…
>Gaaaayyyy!
You’re having lunch with a man that you hope will mount you tonight, so yes, it is super gay.
>Pretty sure the one that actually translated is basil.
It looks like basil, it smell like basil, it probably taste like basil. It is basil. You’re pretty sure Ztolt just remembered the name wrong… or someone actually mistranslated it into basilica?


>No, this is a fine gift.
It’s actually really fucking romantic, mate.
…you think?
It's a bit unconventional for my species, but seeing as we’re different species there’s going to be a lot of that shit, isn’t it? It’s kind of poetic in that way, as it really symbolize how our relationship is probably going to be.
Relationship? That’s a bit… premature… but yes, this date will be a bit unconventional. Though, as much as I’d like to take credit for all that poetic stuff, I just bought them because they smelled freaking nice.
And that’s fine as well.
>It's the first date where neither of you really know the other all the well yet.
Nor does it seem like we know each other’s species very well either… this will be intriguing, if nothing else…

>Take a sniff, see how they smell.
Ugh!
Huh!? You don’t like them?
No, it’s just… *huff*… I didn’t expect them to have that strong of a scent! That, and they are kind of… jumbled together…
Can’t that cute little snout of yours extract the fragrances one by one?
…um… no?
…well, fuck. I’ll make sure it isn’t such strong fragrances next time, then…

>Just because my species uses sight to navigate doesn't mean we don't like a pleasant scent!
With a cute snout like yours, that’s not surprising, Tris.
>Hey maybe we can cook with these at some point.
…or is that considered rude?
It’s consider rude not to use a gift and throw it away. Eating it is one way to use it.
Then I’m looking forward to see what these taste like.
>Normally, we go in for flowers for their colors.
I can’t really comment on that, because… obvious reasons.
I’d gathered that your kind isn’t very well versed in color theory, no.
Just as I’m sure you aren’t well versed in the ways of sonar sight.
I can’t say I’ve ever used it, no.

Kaktus 2020/08/08(Sat)17:16 No. 974180 ID: 2c5282
File 159693221124.png - (133.97KB , 700x550 , 18.png )

>Good thing you have that album ready!
Actually, I got you something too. I didn't know if gifts were expected on the first date, so I was playing it safe. I brought you some of my band's music, maybe you could listen to it a bit later?
You brought your own music? I… I’d love to hear it. This is an amazing gift! I’m actually feeling a bit… cheap bringing some herbs I bought on the way now.
Hey, don’t sweat it, mate. I still loved them.
Though… I have to ask… what is this large plastic square?
…oh, right, you can’t actually… um… see the custom cd case, can you? The music is on one of those sticks that fits one your data pads inside, but… yeah… the case…
>Looks like you're the one that might've fucked up a bit.
Heh…
Hmm?
You know, it’s feel fucking amazing to hear someone actually admitting that they might have made a mistake, even if it is such a minor one that it doesn’t even matter in the end.
Oh? So, you’re used to people making excuses… or are they playing the blame game?
Both. It’s get very tiring after a while, really…
Then that’s when you start confessing to things as soon as you can! Even things you didn’t do!
And get punished for it?
Or they’ll figure out what you’re doing and stop believing you, even when you admit something you actually did! …or they’ll just use you as a scapegoat, either way the excuses are gone.
That’s a horrible idea that will definitely backfire. I fucking love it!
>Tell him you wanted to see if he likes or can even listen to your music. In case you ever invite him to a concert or something.
I will give it a listen when I have the chance and get back to you on that. That I promise you.


>Now that the food's been ordered, it's time to make small talk.
Indeed it is… but where do you start? Doesn’t really matter, because as long as you stay away from the weather you’ll be fine…

>Ask what kind of music he likes!
In the presence of others, I’d like to listen to the new classical Raolme river styled orchestras, but when I’m alone I fucking love the harder, more raw stuff that has come out of the endless darkness. How about you? What does that band of yours play?
I’d like to think that I’m part of an intergalactic synth pop electro-funk band from outer space.
…now I’m definitely need to listen to your music, just to figure out what the hell you meant by that.
Though I also like most kinds of Rock.
…you listen to stones?
...it’s not someone banging stones together, no.
Then why is it called stones?
Because… err… it’s hard? I guess? I’m not sure?
>Tell him that you're impressed with how he can hear your heartbeat.
Is it? You’d think that people would assume that someone without eyes would have good hearing.
It’s still freaking impressive, mate.
But you haven’t even experienced our smell, mate.
Oh? And how good is it?
The last person you sat next to was wearing something that was… colored green?
Err… Mel did have a green vest on him… how the fuck did you…?
It’s the dye, I recognize it.
>You've got these really big ears (grab and wiggle them so he knows where they are on your body) and you can't hear something like that!
Yes, I do know you have very big ears already, they are not very hard to hear, and yes, they are very cute.
You really do think I’m a cutie, don’t you?
You are the biggest fucking cutie, Tristan, you just have to accept that.
And you’re both very handsome and dapper yourself, Ztolt.
Heh… thanks…
And adorable.
…hmpf… do you really find me that-
Dappadorable.
…heh, I can accept that.


>He mentioned tabletop games, is that something he's done before?
I have been in a few games, yes, but it isn’t something that I’m too invested in.
My roommate Mel did mention he was trying to form a group with us Burettian’s that’s moved here, but I don’t think anything came out if it. Mostly because I don’t think he actually got the courage to try. I had this idea for a bard and everything…
A what?
A charismatic music player.
So, yourself then? Heh…
Oh, like you haven’t played a… snazzy thief or something.
A snazzy [TNF!], actually. As in, someone that’s under contract by a higher being in trade for more power.
So… a warlock?
Whatever you just said is probably correct, yes.
>Then crack a joke on what he would've been sniffing if he was just a little shorter!
Wait, your stuff is right there?
Yes?
I mean… it wasn’t like they were hanging out or… anything…
While my pants where in the way, my junk isn’t internal, mate.
It isn’t!? But how… does… y-you know w-what, let’s shelf this c-conversation until we’ve gotten a few drinks in us later.
I’ll make sure we remember it later then.
>That is a very topical mistranslation. What other weird terms does this program come up with if you two start to recite abbreviations and acronyms to each other?
That also sounds like something we should do after a few drinks in a less classy place.
It does sound a bit more fun with a bit of alcohol in us, yeah.
So let’s shelf it as well then… though that shelf is getting a bit full of shit by this point, heh.
Hey, better have it full then empty later, you hear?

So…
Well…
…
…
…about this weather we’re having?

"Rock and Roll" was the genre that evolved into the musical genre "Rock". The translator missed that in my language, 'to rock' and 'a rock' are homonyms. Anyway, like many genres of popular music, such as Jazz (from "Jasm", meaning vitality, related to the word 'jism', for semen), it's name originated as a euphemism for something to do with sex. If you are 'rocking and rolling', what are you doing, after all?

well, time to get to know him i suppose?

Do not let it get this awkward! The situation must not spiral into boredom. Talk about yourself a little, he mentioned fur of silver, eyes of fire when you spoke of being an albino earlier. Maybe you could get him to elaborate a bit? That's a bit surprisingly poetic and all.

Yeah find out about the "fur of silver, eyes of fire" it sounded interesting.

>>974180
So what does he do for a living? Sounds like he's got a family full of politicians, but does he work for them too?
Try sniffing the herbs individually, at more of a distance maybe.

Ask him if it's always herbs or music for gifts. Does he like tactile gifts? Or taste samples?
Oh, speaking of taste, what's his favorite food?

Since he mention the weather you may comment on how the climate here is less harsh on you than on your homeplanet.

Didn't you take a shower after talking with Mel? The green dye stuck with you since than?

Ask him if he can eat crustaceans or if cooking is out of question. There is a very exotic dish from your planet that consist of a live lobster.

Insects must be a very varied diet, specially if he can eat species from other planets. Ask if he tasted some from where you come from. I'm curious about what he would think of bees.

There are some insects that are commonly eaten on Earth. Crickets and mealworms mainly.

Typically those cultures that traditionally eat live animals on my homeworld are ones that eat sea creatures. The closest I know of to insects served like that is usually shrimp, a very small, many-legged crustacean, which when served live, are served drunk so they squirm less. Can you eat shrimp, whether live, raw, cooked with heat, or cooked with citric acid? I don't know how to look this species-specific stuff up.

"So, that name, huh? As stupidly long as it is, it's still gotta mean something, right? They can't have just been piling made-up nonsense noises together to sound long for its own sake. Mind sharing as long as it's not too boring? Gotta be more riveting than the fucking weather, anyway."

It could be a boring tangent, but also a somewhat "safe" way of pressing on the Xai part of his name in particular without being oddly specific about it. He doesn't even have to get too far into his titles to answer our real question; he could cut it short after explaining "Xai" for all we care about it.

>>974183
>>974188
That was probably because his species can only think about visual colors by analogy.

> …about this weather we’re having?
actually that reminds me, does he know anything about the dome the city is in? You said that the dome seem to make it so you don't need your umbrella as much so maybe asking if the dome is doing anything to the suns rays might let you figure out if you need the umbrella still or if it won't be as necessary anymore while you're here.

>…about this weather we’re having?
A little too late for that don't you think?
You have no idea how anxious i was before coming here. Now i actually feel a little more relaxed. You should relax too. Let's talk about ourselves a little. So, who starts?

>>974180
Hey, look at that. He's using one of his feet to hold his drink. Isn't that neat?

>…about this weather we’re having?
Make a joke about how it's funny that talking about the weather is a universal awkward conversation topic, since that also happens on your planet.

These big ears do have good hearing. The thing is that they don't have such PRECISE hearing as he does. You can hear things from further away because they're shaped like little satellite dishes, basically.

Kaktus 2020/08/11(Tue)16:37 No. 974317 ID: 2c5282
File 159718906372.png - (136.81KB , 700x550 , 19.png )

>Do not let it get this awkward! The situation must not spiral into boredom.
While being able to be silent with each other at times is a good thing, it’s still a bit too early for that, yeah. Let’s fill this silence with… something… fucking anything, really.
>Didn't you take a shower after talking with Mel? The green dye stuck with you since then?
While you did indeed shower, change clothes and put on some cologne, you’re still wearing the same leather jacket you wore when you pulled him into a bro hug earlier. That’s probably where the smell is.
>Try sniffing the herbs individually, at more of a distance maybe.
You’ll need to pick a few leaves from them, maybe…
>Hey, look at that. He's using one of his feet to hold his drink. Isn't that neat?
…wait, isn’t his body going in the other direction, though? How is he bending? …you’ll need to resist the urge to look under the table to see how he’s actually sitting… for now, at least…


>Make a joke about how it's funny that talking about the weather is a universal awkward conversation topic, since that also happens on your planet.
Is it really that bad? I mean… fuck, I know it was getting a bit awkward and that I’m a bit of a stranger when it comes to a date like this, but… um…
Hey, you know the rules and so do I, mate. Weather is the last thing you bring up after you’ve given up on all the other shit.
Then let’s not get our cocks knotted before we even started and talk about something else… like… err… how is the weather on your… home… planet?
Geez…
>Since he mentioned the weather you may comment on how the climate here is less harsh on you than on your home planet.
Not surprising, considering this place have an artificial climate.
About that…
>Does he know anything about the dome the city is in?
It’s because this colony is built on an unterraformed planet. The wildlife and climate outside the domes is what was originally here before we came, and while most species can function fine out there, it isn’t really a good climate for cities to be in. There are a lot of thunderstorms and rain, if I remember correctly, and something about a very harsh monsoon?
So you guys just plopped a fucking dome down and built a city under it!?
Well, several domes, but that shit worked, didn’t it?
I mean… I guess the dome does make things easier for me…

>So, that name, huh? As stupidly long as it is, it's still gotta mean something, right?
My name? Is it really that interesting?
Gotta be more riveting than the fucking weather, mate.
I guess it is. Very well, my full name is Sir Ztolteskanx tol Xai, chu ton o Ankh, Metre of Etrall, Est de zartel o Xaito, the second, which the short version means “Ztolt of a family who loves gives shitty titles for everything to make themselves sound fucking important”.
Heh… and the long version? I still don’t know what any of those titles means.
Hmm… Sir is supposed to be given to someone who has done something… noble…
That does kind of sound like being knighted in my culture. You also become a sir then.
That does sound about the same, yes, though the main difference is that I haven’t fucking done anything yet. I’ve just been flopping around in the endless dark without a clue and that’s it!
And the tol xi thing?
Tol Xai. Ztolteskanx of the family Xai. Then it says that I’m the minor duke of some river called the Ankh, back on my home planet, though really I just own something like 4 centimeters of it or something like that.
Geez… that sounds like just buying cheap land somewhere just so you can say that you’re a land owner…
That’s exactly how it is! That thing has been in our family for generations and it just gets smaller and smaller for each clutch that grows up!
Hmm… and what is this Etrall? I’ve heard that name before…
Etrall is the planet we’re on right now. Metre of Etrall just says that I have a vote in matters concerning Etrall… which doesn’t really mean anything as this is a freaking democracy!
And zartel?
Est de zartel o Xaito. “Twice removed blood son of the Xai family”. That’s just my… “rank” in the hierarchy that my family have… and it basically means that I have no say about anything. How about you, what does your name mean? Tristan… Dowe, was it?
It means exactly that. I’m Tristan from the Dowe family.
And your family, who are they?
Oh, they are just a bunch of jerk wads, nothing more.
They can’t be that bad, Tris. I mean, I got a ton of experience with fucking bores of a-
They disavowed me because I liked the wrong people, dressed the wrong way and… acted wrong…
Oh… OH! …that’s… sorry…
No sweat, mate, that’s old history, you dig? How about you? It sounds like your family is full of politicians?
Heh, they wish. Nah, they are just… what was it you said earlier? A bunch of masturbators?
Wankers, but continue…
My family just own a lot of land and businesses here on this colony, which I might remind you is a small, inconsequential place in the ass end of nowhere. So we’re just a large insect in a shallow river, really. Though going by my family usual foolishness they do try to pretend that they are the biggest bitches of the galaxy. Giving each other all kind of shit titles and… ah… you know what, I vote that we forget about families completely for tonight and focus on us instead, agreed?
Agreed. Though… before that, I have to ask… what do you do for a living anyway? You do work for your family, yeah?
They forced me to get an education in economics, so I mostly just make sure the numbers are correct in a bunch of businesses we own. How about you? You’re in a band, correct?
That’s the main fucking source of income right now, yeah, but I’ll probably need to find a proper job if we can’t land more gigs.
Have you thought about educating yourself further?
Maybe… I’ve heard some good things about your education here, but I’ve always been shit at learning stuff.

>Ask him if it's always herbs or music for gifts. Does he like tactile gifts? Or taste samples?
I do love getting chocolate covered insects. But I do love the music you gave me. A personal gift is always better than some expensive shit you bought at some store.
Glad you liked it.
And how about you? I’m guessing you like getting music as well, considering those large ears your species have.
They do let me hear a lot, yeah, though I usually prefer making my own music.
Heh… by banging rocks together, eh?
Actually, thinking about it, I’m pretty sure it’s “to rock” and not the object rock.
So… you make music by… rocking back and forth?
In a bed, yeah.
…heh, alright, I think I get it. It’s the lewd kind of rock.

>He mentioned fur of silver, eyes of fire when you spoke of being an albino earlier. Maybe you could get him to elaborate a bit? That's a bit surprisingly poetic and all.
Hmm? Oh, that’s just from an old poem I’ve read back in school.
A poem? Really?
It’s from right after our first contact with the Xot, who liked to describe themselves as having eyes of fires. Though it was about silver colored scales and not fur.
And I reminded you of it?
It’s just easier for us to have an analogy for colors and the like. So it is easier for me to imagine that your eyes are as hot as fire and your fur is cold as silver than thinking that you’re simply red and white.
Heh, you’re making me sound fucking badass, mate.
Well, you kind of are, mate.
>What's his favorite food?
It’s [TNF!], which is a large, nearly person sized insect called [TNF!] that’s been marinated in [TNF!] and [TNF!] for about a day before you eat it. How about you, what do you like?
Um… I’m not sure… pizza, I guess? It’s a-
Oh, yeah, we have pizza.
You do?
Pizza is some kind of constant through the whole fucking universe. Every species have invented it in some form or another, making it a factor that bring us all together somehow.
…are you serious?
Of course! You can’t joke about pizza!
…I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not…
>Ask him if he can eat crustaceans or if cooking is out of question.
We do cook our food most of the time and while we do have several water based insects back home, I have no idea if your shelled fish is included with those.
>Insects must be a very varied diet, especially if he can eat species from other planets. Ask if he tasted some from where you come from.
We haven’t had the chance to import any from your planet yet, sadly… though I’ve heard that they aren’t very big, are they?
Most of them are rather small, yeah…
Hmm… well… I gue- Oh! The food is here!

Here you go, gentlemen. One boiled [TNF!] and one bug burgare.
I’m pretty sure it’s just burger…
No, sir, it clearly says burgare here.
Either way, that [TNF!] looks amazing! What did we say earlier? Share fifty-fifty?
We did, yeah.
Do you want the back end or the head? The back end is usually tenderer, but the head has that delicious pincer meat, doesn’t it?
Err…

Maybe this was a bad idea?

Hmmm well, you can think of it as a crab, maybe? Hard exterior, tender insides. You can't say you don't like it until you try it! What about the smell?

this certainly wasn't a bad idea, get that sweet sweet pincer meat.

>>974317
Back end. Getting meat out of pincers is always a pain. Also yeah that is approximately like a crab, since it was boiled and has a hard shell.

Did you order any drinks?

More topics: books, movies, tv, videogames. SPORTS, other hobbies.

start with the back I guess.

>>974317
>…wait, isn’t his body going in the other direction, though? How is he bending?
You read about this, remember? A Raolme‘s bones are malleable, meaning they can bend in lots of ways. Apparently, that includes completely backwards in the wrong direction.

……now that you’ve seen it, that one warning telling you not to tie a Raolme into a knot makes more sense, doesn’t it?

>Then let’s not get our cocks knotted before we even started
Hopefully, no one needs to worry about getting their dicks tied in a knot on this date! That sounds painful!

>Maybe this was a bad idea?
No, it wasn’t.

You haven’t even tried it yet! Just take a bite out of it and if your lucky, it’ll taste like something you’re familiar with back home. But just in case, have your drink nearby so you can wash it down if it tastes bad.

Lets be a gourmand, and work on the head first.

>>974317
Tell him you'll taste the back end, since you're feeling adventurous.

There's no shame in being honest if you don't like it. Unless you don't even try it first, in which case: SHAME!

Also,
>Then let’s not get our cocks knotted before we even started
does that mean something lewd or...

>chocolate covered insects
I just remember that chocolate with ants is a thing. It's easy to forget since it just have a small amount of insects and the chocolate dominate the resulting taste.

How much of home did our ships bring? If there are familiar fruits and flowers circulating in the market there must be at least bees to polonaise them. Make a note to investigate as possible future presents.

>Pizza
Flat breed with condiments on top. Cheese seem important now but originally it was just one possible condiment, not a defining feature.
Is cheese a thing around here? It's very mammal.

>boiled [TNF!]
Half of it is much more than I could handle. I'm also concern ingesting a large amount could make me ill.
Why don't you show me how it's done I will try bits and pieces.

ask him to chew some up and spit it into your mouth like a baby bird so you can tell if you like the taste or not.

>>974360
No! That’s disgusting! Don’t say that!

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume your teeth are much tougher than mine; trying to get at the 'pincer meat' sounds like a bitch and a half - the crab leg from hell. I'll take the tail, and not just because you seem to want the pincer."

>>974360
No, what? WHY?!

Bugs of all sorts used to be much bigger on our planet, before there were people, back when there was a higher oxygen level in the air. They're small these days due to inefficient breathing systems. I suppose most things you call 'insects' have actual lungs or come from worlds with more oxygen in the air or something.

And I'll try the tender part, but you're going to have to show me proper technique to only take a small bite!

>>974360
Tristan has some strange kinks, but we should wait until later to explore this.

>>974349
Also good to remember that he can digest chocolate.

>>974317
>Hey, you know the rules and so do I, mate.
We're both strangers to love, yeah.

>Maybe this was a bad idea?
Well, we won't know until we try it, right? If you're feeling a bit less adventurous, maybe we could have the middle half and he could have both ends.

>I do love getting chocolate covered insects.
Does he like chocolate-covered fruit? A lot of our chocolate candies have fruits or sweet jelly inside.

>>974458
They're insectivores, so fruit would make them sick. It's good to know he can eat chocolate. I wonder if it's like some people where they're lactose intolerant, but can manage small amounts.

Kaktus 2020/08/20(Thu)16:38 No. 974821 ID: 2c5282
File 159796669229.png - (50.92KB , 700x550 , 20.png )

>Ask him to chew some up and spit it into your mouth like a baby bird so you can tell if you like the taste or not.
When you said you wanted to swap spit with someone, that’s not how you meant it. Besides, neither of you two are bird last time you checked, so the whole idea is fucking bonkers.
>You read about this, remember? A Raolme‘s bones are malleable, meaning they can bend in lots of ways. Apparently, that includes completely backwards in the wrong direction.
…just how bendable are they? …this needs additional experimentation…
>Now that you’ve seen it, that one warning telling you not to tie a Raolme into a knot makes more sense, doesn’t it?
You were wondering what the fuck they meant with that. But if you can tie them into a knot then… just how freaking flexible are they!?

>How much of home did our ships bring? If there are familiar fruits and flowers circulating in the market there must be at least bees to polonaise them.
They definitely didn’t bring bees with them, that much you know. Do herbs even need bees to grow? Can’t you just bring a few seeds or something? Eh, you don’t know shit about plants, so you have no idea.
>Did you order any drinks?
Ztolt ordered a drink for you… you still haven’t tasted it, though you’re pretty sure it’s non-alcoholic at least…

>There's no shame in being honest if you don't like it. Unless you don't even try it first, in which case: SHAME!
Hey! You’re no fucking sissy, alright? You’re going to rock this bastard of an insect so hard that its grandfather is going to feel it in the bollocks!
>Well, you can think of it as a crab, maybe? Hard exterior, tender insides.
...hmm… you’ve never actually had crab. Well, not real crab. Crabsticks, sure, but not actual crab. So… maybe it’s like a large… Crayfish?
>What about the smell?
The bouquet of herbs Ztolt gave you is drowning out everything else, especially because you’re an arse end and put your bloody nose right in the stuff earlier.

>This certainly wasn't a bad idea, get that sweet sweet pincer meat.
Oh, yes, the pincers meat is the most flavorful, but the shell can be a bit hard at times to chew through. The crackle between your teeth is kind of sweet, though.
Wait, shell?
Yes? You’re not going to get the meat out of the pincers easily, so you usually just eat them whole. The shell on the pincers are usually a lot softer then the shell on the body after you’ve boiled it.
You know what, I might have changed my mind…
>Tell him you'll taste the back end, since you're feeling adventurous.
Ah, yes, the butt! It’s the best part! Especially the two egg sacks on the back.
Eggsacks?
Yeah, those two things on its ass. Just make sure to pop the whole thing in your mouth before chewing, as sometimes they hatch prematurely from the heat.
…
>If you're feeling a bit less adventurous, maybe we could have the middle half and he could have both ends.
…How about this, you take the butt and the front and I’ll have the middle?
Oh? Are you sure? I mean, I won’t say no to both pincers and eggsacks, but if that’s what you want…?
Let’s just say I rather take it slow the first time, eh mate?

>You're going to have to show me proper technique to only take a small bite!
It’s rather easy, actually. First, you use the [TNF!], which is the fourth utensil on your left to carve away the scales on the underbelly, before using the [TNF!] to... err…
I only got a fork and a shitty looking knife over here, mate.
So you do… well… you know what, fuck all these silverware. Never liked keeping up with that shit anyway.
So what? Let’s eat with our hands?
What? Of course not! Only savages and those born at the end of the river eat with their hands. We civilized people use tools.
And I’m sure all 14 of them are necessary, heh…
Okay, I admit, we might have a few to many, but I’m sure we’ll make do with just a fork and knife. Either way, just cut off a piece and eat it. It’s not rocket science or anything.
Oh.
Though it’s a bit hot… maybe give it a minute to cool first?

>Is cheese a thing around here?
Why wouldn’t it be?
So you guys have cows to milk too?
I have no idea what that is, but we go milk. A metric-fuck-ton of that shit from all kind of animals, be it from insects, reptiles or even those weird… what are they called? Mammals? So yes, we have milk and cheese.
>Does he like chocolate-covered fruit?
I like chocolate. I can stand fruit flavors. I can’t stand actual fruits.
>I wonder if it's like some people where they're lactose intolerant, but can manage small amounts.
As I said, I can handle the flavors. I can’t eat a whole fruit, no.

>More topics: books,
I’m not really a book kind of person, but I usually prefer thrillers or mystery novels if possible.
>movies,
Well, I usually go for thrillers or crime dramas… or just plain old action. Have you seen the “Godmother” trilogy by any chance? It’s this really amazing crime series… well, the third part sucks balls, but the first two are really good.
>tv,
Heh… well, funnily enough, I’ve really fallen in love with old detective shows recently. It started with watching a few while I trained, then I kind of just… continued to watch them.
>videogames.
Puzzle and story driven things. Something you can think about afterwards… or during. Never been a multiplayer guy, honestly. Too many… as you called them, masturbators out there.
>SPORTS,
Why, I do play some [TNF!] at times. It’s this game where you’re trying to pull down balls into sockets in a table by moving this disk around and… you know what, maybe I’ll just show you the shit sometime, okay?
>other hobbies.
Well… err… heh… I don’t really have any?
…oh? Really? Your tail says otherwise.
My… tail?
You start moving it around when you’re nervous, Ztolt.
…it’s kind of scary how good you’re getting at reading me…
So… about that hobby of yours? Don’t worry, I won’t judge. I got weird hobbies myself.
Weeeell… um… heh… y-you see… I… kind off… liketoknit?
What was that?
You know what? I’ve been really boorish the last couple of minutes and just been going on and on about myself!
Hey, no sweat, mate.
Still, I’m fucking rude getting all knotted up with myself over here.

>Hopefully, no one needs to worry about getting their dicks tied in a knot on this date! That sounds painful!
Eh!? W-wait, did I really f-fucking say that out loud earlier? By the freaking endless dark, I d-didn’t… hah… err… that k-kind of just s-slipped out, my a-apologies?
Does that mean something lewd or...
What? No!? I mean… err… k-kind off? It’s… y-you know… w-when a young m-man has a g-girl over and h-he’s so eager to… um… he accidently… err… get tangled up with himself? Down there? You know? Haha… ha… eh… e… *cough*
…I can’t say I do, no. How do you even-
SPEAKING OF CHANGING THE SUBJECT! HOW DO YOU EAT THAT BURGARE OR WHAT YOU CALLED IT!?
Woah.
Also, same question you asked me earlier! Books, movies, TV, videogames, sports and other hobbies?

He likes to knit, sounds relaxing.

so what do we do for outside of music? what are our hobbies.

>>974821
Burgare? You just bite into it. No utensils. The bun keeps your hands from getting messy. Or at least that's how you're used to eating them.

>can't smell anything, herbs are drowning everything out
Hmm, can you do something about that? Put them in your bag or something?
Have a taste of your drink.

Tell him it's fine if he knits. You don't believe in judging people for doing things outside of gender norms. You've been exposed to too much of that yourself, since you like makeup and feminine clothes. How good is he at knitting?

Tell him about your hobbies and interests. Even the weird ones.

Burgers are simple, just grab the bun in your hands and take bites out of them. Nothing fancy, just a simple meal meant to taste good and fill you up... though I have heard some places back home actually use silverware to eat it which baffles me as the point of the bread is to keep everything inside so it doesn't make a mess and give you something to grab onto.

>Books, movies, TV, videogames, sports and other hobbies?
Books and movies... well lately I've been mostly reading/watching old documentaries of pass famous musicians mostly out of respect.... and partly to see how they did it.

Tv is a bit more of a mix bag, mostly watch it just to distract myself so usually just pick anything that sounds interesting and if I like it I keep watching so my TV choices are a bit of everything.

As for sports, kinda fulls under the same bar as tv for me as in if its on I might watch it but I actually have a favorite here in the form of... let's call it competitive fighting. Not sure if the actual names would translate well. As for why, well when you're a pissed off kid who just got kicked out of their home there's something special about seeing someone get punched in the face.

And for other hobbies, well until recently I've mostly been focusing on trying to make a name for my band so a lot of focus on music but on the way over from my home planet... man it feels weird saying that, I met with my current roommate who introduced me to some of his hobbies like some tabletop/board games that have been a nice change of pace. Or well if nothing else they did help kill time on the trip over. Still pretty new to them so not sure how I feel about them exactly yet.

Oh and for video games, tend to find myself liking the more party oriented games or games you can just pick up and drop as I tend to be a little too busy to really get invested in any real story driven game. Also fighting games are a bit of a guilty pleasure as well.

>>974824
I like all this.
Also,
he said that he trains, right? What is that about?

>>974825
probably fall under hobbies

>>974821
>What was that?
He said he likes to knit.

>Ztolt explaining how dicks can be tied in a knot.
Wouldn’t that mean that Raolme males have more than one dick?

Obviously don’t talk to Ztolt about it, since he wanted to change the subject. Just quietly think about it.

>>974823
This

Are knots only an allegory to clumsiness or does it caries an inherently sexual connotation outside of the dick context? Maybe knitting is embarrassing because he find it somewhat arousing.

>>974821
>Mammals
What a coincidence. You're speaking to a mammal right now. Maybe if things go well you'll even learn how to milk one!

>Weird hobbies
Has he ever heard of ASMR?

>>974821
Movies: heist films. casing a joint, coming up with the plan, then dealing with complications during execution. the best shit.

>>974851
>Maybe if things go well you'll even learn how to milk one!
Tristan needs to be a pregnant female in order to be milked. Last time I checked, he is definitely not a pregnant female.

>>974821
>HOW EAT BURGER
You just pick it up with your hands and bite into it. The bun is there so you can hold it without getting messy.

>Television?
Tristan likes action comedy shows. They're exciting and it's nice to watch characters having fun.

Wildlife documentaries are interesting, especially ones about sea life; there's a whole bunch of amazing creatures living right on our home planet. Most of them can't talk to us, though.

And if we're being completely honest, he also likes watching magical girl anime. They're usually written for little girls, but it's just fun to watch the pretty sparkles and songs and the romantic stories.

>Video games?
Well, rhythm games would be an obvious answer, but it's certainly true. Platformers are fun too, and he also likes scrolling shooters with fancy bullet patterns. They're surprisingly easy once you get the hang of them.

Also, advanture games. You know, the kind where you walk around and talk to people, and collect all these weird inventory items and have to find some ridiculous use for them. Some of the things they come up with are just so weird that it's hilarious.

>Sports?
Tennis, occasionally. Swimming would be nice if we could find a pool.

>>974821
You like mystery games. Sometimes you're so good at reading others, you can correctly guess who the bad guy is before getting all the clues. It's only frustrating when the game won't let you immediately arrest the bad guy until after you go through the game normally and collect all the clues like it wants you to.

Kaktus 2020/08/23(Sun)17:15 No. 974934 ID: 2c5282
File 159822812544.png - (91.35KB , 700x550 , 21.png )

>Wouldn’t that mean that Raolme males have more than one dick?
…they… do? You know what, if this night doesn’t end in some sweet fucking, then you’re going to need to look that up! Otherwise… it will be a surprise?
>What a coincidence. You're speaking to a mammal right now. Maybe if things go well you'll even learn how to milk one!
Heh, while you do appreciate a dirty joke now and then, let’s play it safe for a bit longer. You can’t really tell if it will offend him or make him laugh just yet.
>Tristan needs to be a pregnant female in order to be milked. Last time I checked, he is definitely not a pregnant female.
Have you never heard the joke about the new farmhand and the bull?


>Are knots an allegory to clumsiness?
Huh? Not…really? I mean… kind of? It has more than one meaning, really, though often it’s a metaphor for getting ahead of yourself or diving too deep.
So… if you’re going to fast, you might tie yourself into a knot?
In a sense. Or if you get stuck on a topic or idea… you know, getting tied up with something.
And cock knots?
Err… w-well… it’s w-when you rush things, okay? W-when you’re t-to eager. Y-yeah… *cough*
>Have a taste of your drink.
What do you think?
It’s… alright? It’s just water and something bit… citrusy?
It’s just water and some fruit juice. I… um… kind of ordered it without asking you, didn’t I?
You ordered it so fast that I didn’t have a bloody chance to say anything.
I apologies, I kind of went on auto pilot again… so… I kind of fucked up… I didn’t even check if you could drink it in the first place.
No sweat, mate. If it was bad I’d just order something else, eh?
I… guess… still, my apologies.

>He likes to knit, sounds relaxing.
Err… y-yeah, it kind of is… learned it from my g-gram gram and… w-well… my sisters make fun of me for doing it so… y-you know… it’s kind of a fucking girly thing to do…
Mate, fuck the gender norms and any knob end who tries to enforce it. Just let people be people, right?
Right…
Be proud of being different! At least you stick out from the masses!
Yeah! I’ll be proud that I knit!
I bet you’re the best knitter around!
Ha! Fuck no! I’m horrible! I can barely make a scarf!

>Tell him about your hobbies and interests. Even the weird ones.
Well, he did mention something he was embarrassed about… so you guess you’ll do the same?
>Until recently I've mostly been focusing on trying to make a name for my band.
Yes, you did mention the band and the music… but there has to be more?
>Movies: heist films. casing a joint, coming up with the plan, then dealing with complications during execution. the best shit.
Oh! Yes! Heist films! Those are great! Though I can really deicide if I love the perfect executed ones or the ones that… well…
Go arse over elbow?
Heh, if you want to put it like that, indeed. Hey, if you have the time, then I got a fucking great one that will blow you right out of the river, I promise!
I’ll hold you to that promise, mate!
>Well, rhythm games would be an obvious answer, but it's certainly true.
Eh… I’ve always felt those are a bit to hectic… though my sisters love those things.
>Platformers are fun too, and he also likes scrolling shooters with fancy bullet patterns. They're surprisingly easy once you get the hang of them.
Platformers are fine, most of them… but bullet hells? No, just… no.
Oh? You can’t keep up with the patterns?
I’m fucking blind, so I can’t see them… and most of them aren’t really designed with sonarsync in mind, thus it makes these goddess awful sound that makes both my brains hurt.
Oh… well, I guess co-op is out of the question then.
>Also, advanture games. You know, the kind where you walk around and talk to people, and collect all these weird inventory items and have to find some ridiculous use for them.
Isn’t that part of puzzle and story driven games? Because I do love myself some point-and-say games.
I guess you might consider it a puzzle game in some ways, yes…
>Also fighting games are a bit of a guilty pleasure as well.
Ugh, no. I can’t stand fighting games, sorry. They are just too… fast and hectic, you know?
But that’s what makes them fun.
Well, not for me.

>Take a bite.
Hmm?
Does it taste wrong?
No, it just isn’t what I… expected? It’s kind of… sour?
Indeed. That’s what makes it so tasty!
...I… guess?
You don’t like it?
No, it’s fine, just… different.

Kaktus 2020/08/23(Sun)17:15 No. 974935 ID: 2c5282
File 159822813569.png - (127.88KB , 700x550 , 22.png )

>Wildlife documentaries are interesting, especially ones about sea life; there's a whole bunch of amazing creatures living right on our home planet. Most of them can't talk to us, though.
Wait, you have sea creatures that can talk?
Um… well… dolphins can kind of… communicate… and whales… I guess?
Hmm… I do love water stuff, though… though I’m not so sure about seas. It’s a bit to big… though that might be just my fear of the endless dark talking. Didn’t really have a lot of seas back on our home planet… mostly just rivers, really…
>lately I've been mostly reading/watching old documentaries of pass famous musicians mostly out of respect.... and partly to see how they did it.
Stealing ideas, eh? Hehe… but yeah, knowing what people did before you is vital if you want to go forward, really. Otherwise you might just start going backwards again.
>if we're being completely honest, he also likes watching magical girl anime.
…what was that last word?
Animation.
Well, I do watch some animation from time to time as well… though… Magical girl?
It’s mostly about a young girl finding out she has special powers before transforming and fighting EVIL!
…In all honestly, I did not expect that you watched that kind of stuff. But you know what, I fucking knit so you can watch the fuck you want. No sweat, mate?
No sweat.

>As for sports, I might just watch it but I actually have a favorite here in the form of... let's call it competitive fighting.
So… boxing?
Boxing and kicking. Let just say there's something special about seeing someone get punched in the face. repeatedly.
…a bit violent, but I see…
>Tennis, occasionally.
And what kind of sport is that?
Well, you use a racket to hit a ball over a net… and on the other side there is another person hitting the ball back.
Oh? That does sound interesting… how did you start to play it?
Actually, my parents enrolled me into classes against my will but… well… I grew to like it… not to mention that’s where I met… well… it’s one of the few things I still got left from my youth, you know.
Hmm… maybe we can try a game sometime?
Maybe.
>Swimming would be nice if we could find a pool.
Oh! I love swimming! Well, I love floating around in a pool, but still, same thing, right?
Then you have to know somewhere that has a great pool, then?
Actually, we have a large pool back home at the estate…
…you do?
Though good luck getting some private time there. The whole fucking family tends to gather there as soon as the weather is good.
Really?
Well, we Raolme do like water a lot, so it’s kind of a given, really…
>He said that he trains, right?
Well, yeah… you have to keep in shape, though it’s nothing special. Just a few exercises every other day in front of the Sonar Vision.


>Burgare? You just bite into it. No utensils. The bun keeps your hands from getting messy. Or at least that's how you're used to eating them.
Wait, you eat it with your hands?
Yes?
…and you... heard what I said earlier?
…yes?
…well, fuck.
Hey don’t sweat it.
Oh, but I will! I just fucking insulted you in your face and said that you were born at the end of a river! Well… shit… I… I just keep fucking this up, don’t I?
Um…
First I call you a girl, then I buy the wrong gift and then I keep insulting you! Not to mention I bought you a drink without even asking!? Gah! Everything is going down river! Maybe my sisters are right…

Wait, what was the insult again?

>>974935
Tell him that he’s not fucking anything up and he shouldn’t be so hard on himself. You’re not mad at him.

>Maybe my sisters are right…
What did they say to him?

>>974935
Tell him you have experiences messing up dates, so you're sympathetic and forgiving. Also you're not bothered by it so far, he can just relax. You like him; you share common ground.
What is the endless dark?

>>974938
The insult was "Only savages and those born at the end of the river eat with their hands" but that sounded more like a criticism of those who eat things in an improper way. Like, there are foods that are meant to be eaten with silverware, but burgers are meant to be eaten with your hands.
There's also french fries, and fried chicken, or various baked goods.

Also if he wants, he can eat the burgare by cutting it up into bite-size pieces and using a fork. It's just... not how you'd usually eat one.

Laugh

Tell him that if he wants to offend you he's going to have to try a lot harder than that. Besides, you've been burned enough times to know when someone just let something slip without meaning any harm and when someone really wishes to insult you.

Plus, this is a blind date... no pun intended, of course both of you are going to fuck up every now and again. Especially when both of you trying to learn a literal alien culture. Not going to learn all the social norms in one fucking meal. This is more to get a feel for each other and see what each other is like, and so far you're have a good time. And besides, the day is still young. You still need to hit the bar next and then decide if you just want to go for a stroll through the park or hit up that fair. Plenty more time for the both of you to fuck up in front of each other so no need to call things off yet.

Eh, tell him he's doing fine, really.

"Oh, trust me, this is nowhere even near the worst date I've ever had. You're doing fine."

Huh, funny, he sounds just like you before the date. You seem to have a lot in common already.

Tell him that is fine, he needs to relax. You haven't taken offence with anything that he said. I mean, it wasn't offensive in the first place.

>>974935
I... honestly hadn't interpreted it that way. We have eating utensils on our home planet, too. We don't eat all our food with our hands, just stuff that isn't messy, like bread and fruit. That could be because we don't walk on our hands, though. I can see how it might be different for a species that walks on all fours.

Actually, we use bread in a lot of different foods to make them easier to hold. We put foods between slices of bread like this burger, we wrap food in sheets of flatbread, we put it in round bread buns, we even have fried meat that's coated in a layer of bread as it's cooked. In some places you can even get bowls made of bread that are filled with soup, although we use spoons to eat the soup before we eat the bread.

And he doesn't need to worry about mistaking us for a girl. We do look quite a bit more feminine than most males of our species. We like to wear makeup to look pretty, so it's nice to meet someone who appreciates it.

Tell him it's ok because you think he's cute.

>>974935
Tell him not to worry. He's not insulting you at all.

>>974935
Hey.
You're cute when you're freaking out.

(Also, like, the gift and drink were great, it was honestly entertaining you saw me as that feminine, and obviously you meant people that eat everything with their hands, not just finger foods. I could see myself saying the same exact thing. Also, I don't even know what "born at the end of a river" even means.)

I wonder when the alcoholic beverages will come into play.

>>975107
These ones aren't alcoholic. The bar comes later this evening.

Kaktus 2020/08/29(Sat)14:09 No. 975290 ID: 2c5282
File 159873534009.png - (106.42KB , 700x550 , 23.png )

>Huh, funny, he sounds just like you before the date. You seem to have a lot in common already.
Being a nervous fucking wreck about a date isn’t really something you can bond over… well… maybe?
>I wonder when the alcoholic beverages will come into play.
When you get to the bar? This one doesn’t have any alcohol in it.

>Tell him that he’s not fucking anything up and he shouldn’t be so hard on himself. You’re not mad at him.
You aren’t?
Yeah, no sweat, mate. We all fuck up sometime, you hear?
Still...
>Tell him that if he wants to offend you he's going to have to try a lot harder than that.
So… um… how far is to fucking far then? Insulting your parents?
Nah, fuck those gits. And I already know that I’m a huge wanker who thinks with his knob end, so no point in getting my tits in a twist about that, eh?
Heh, yeah, we’re both a pair of slumsuckers lost in the dark. But seriously, what ticks you off? Insulting your music?
Yeah, don’t speak ill about the music. Criticism is fucking okay, but don’t be an arse about it. Oh, and don’t be an arse to my friend either.
>Also, I don't even know what "born at the end of a river" even means.
Well… um… it’s kind of… well, shit goes downstream so… those living at the end of the river had the shittiest river?
>Oh, trust me, this is nowhere even near the worst date I've ever had. You're doing fine.
...just out of curiosity, if you don’t mind me ask-
It ended with me face first in a manure filled ditch with my arm broken.
…wait, how?
She had a boyfriend she didn’t tell me about… and he was big and aggressive while I had my pants around my ankles.
Oh. That’s… wow… and here I thought my awkward, stilted dates were bad.
Hey, don’t sweat it, this dates going to be a lot better!

>You're cute when you're freaking out.
HEY! I’m n-not cute!

Putting your finger under his chin, you guide his head upwards until he’s at eyelevel with you before leaning towards him and letting your nose just touch his snout.

But I can’t call you handsome all the time, can I? Besides, I can’t help it! You’re just so cute!
…y-you r-really think s-so?
You’re fucking adorable!
…I… I d-don’t do cute…



>That sounded more like a criticism of those who eat things in an improper way. Like, there are foods that are meant to be eaten with silverware, but burgers are meant to be eaten with your hands.
No, it’s because you… um… we don’t eat with our hands.
Oh.
>That could be because we don't walk on our hands, though. I can see how it might be different for a species that walks on all fours.
Exactly! That’s… that’s… actually, that make a ton of fucking sense. You don’t actually walk on your hands, so it’s… a bit more okay for your kind?
You guys don’t eat anything with your hands?
Do you eat anything with your feet?
Point taken.
>Actually, we use bread in a lot of different foods to make them easier to hold.
Well, I’m still not eating it with my hands. I don’t even want to know what I’ve stepped in while making my way here, let alone taste it.
>Also if he wants, he can eat the burgare by cutting it up into bite-size pieces and using a fork. It's just... not how you'd usually eat one.
I think I’ll do it that way, thank you. I mean, it’s either that or that you feed me, which won’t really work.

>He doesn't need to worry about mistaking us for a girl. We do look quite a bit more feminine than most males of our species.
Which is probably why you sound so cute.
Hey, why can you call me cute while I can’t call you the same, eh?
Because you’re cute, of course.
So are you, mate.
And you’re really rocking the cute look.
Fuck yeah! Of course I am!
And I might be able to call you drop dead gorgeous after I’ve gotten better feel later.
I like to wear makeup to look pretty, so it's nice to meet someone who appreciates it.
Well, I for one like pretty girls in makeup, so do continue using it.
>this is a blind date... no pun intended; of course both of you are going to fuck up every now and again. Especially when both of you trying to learn a literal alien culture.
That’s true… though don’t feel pressure to stop using metaphors about seeing and being blind for my sake.
Noted.
>And besides, the day is still young. You still need to hit the bar next and then decide if you just want to go for a stroll through the park or hit up that fair. Plenty more time for the both of you to fuck up in front of each other so no need to call things off yet.
Yeah! Plenty of time to fuck up some more!
LET’S FUCK IT UP!
WOO!!! Hehe… heh…

>What did they say to him?
Huh? Who?
Your sisters?
Oh… um… well, mostly how I’m a fuck up that can’t do anything right? Though with… prettier words... you know… “You’re a social-inept fool who’s only mark of pride is besmirching our family name with your existence, you clod.”
Off, sounds harsh.
But fuck them.
Sounds like a real pair of boneheaded twits.
They fucking are!
>What is the endless dark?
Oh… it’s kind of a metaphor about… well… it was originally about the sea, where… if you accidently swam out into it, well… you got lost in the endless dark, where there aren’t any smells or sounds to guide you back home. Nowadays it’s more just a saying about when shit goes… what was that you said, butt over… joint?
Arse over elbow.
That’s the one. Yeah.
So the endless dark is just that… and endless darkness?
Indeed. You just float there, not knowing where you are or how far away from land you are or even which direction to swim.
Oh, creepy…

So… um… can I get a taste of that… burgare thingy?

>So… um… can I get a taste of that… burgare thingy?
Sure thing mate, though just a quick question. It is safe for you to eat it right? I'd feel like a right arse if I gave you food poisoning on the first date.

>So… um… can I get a taste of that… burgare thingy?
Knock yourself up. Guess you'll be using utensils.
I'll keep digging at the crab thingy.

As long as it's safe for him to eat let em try it.

>>975290
I wonder if it would be romantic to feed eachother. Like, cut bits of food up and fork them into eachothers' mouths.

>>975290
>So…um…can I get a taste of that…burgare thingy?
Sure. Go ahead and enjoy it!

>>975292
>>975294
>Is the burgare safe for Ztolt to eat?
We ordered our food with the Raolme option. That means that it’s safe for Ztolt to eat it.

>>975290
Ask him why he thinks it wouldn't work if we tried to feed him?