"I...I see. I happen to like *insert whatever kind of music you listen to here* myself, personally."

Allow awkward silence to settle in.

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)16:19 No. 69464 ID: f4963f
File 125651275071.jpg - (236.81KB , 861x639 , Ch4_Diner_04.jpg )

>>69420
"I... I see. I happen to like musicals, myself."

Joel's eyes light up. "Oh! You too?" After a moment, she adds, "Let me guess. CATS?"

"Well, of course," says Nicolas, "but I like a number of other musicals too. I think my favorite has to be Wicked."

"Ooh, Wicked was good," says Joel. "I love Les Misérables, myself."

"Have you ever seen Joseph?"

The conversation continues for about an hour. It turns out, unsurprisingly, that Nicolas is a fan of The Lion King and CATS, but he also enjoys a number of plays by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Joel insists that Webber is overrated, but she admits that at least Phantom was good.

"God," she says at last, "we're such geeks."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Nicolas says.

>>69464
Skimbles is smart.

Anyway, if you two are done eating, you can continue this conversation on the road.

1/2 Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)17:29 No. 69499 ID: f4963f
File 125651699527.jpg - (104.35KB , 719x621 , Ch4_Diner_05.jpg )

>>69464
What're you talking about? Nicolas always thought Skimbles was kind of dim. Though...

"... meow?"

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)17:30 No. 69500 ID: f4963f
File 125651702374.jpg - (111.40KB , 580x555 , Ch4_Diner_06.jpg )

>If you're done, get back to the car.
Right. Nicolas doesn't want to hang around too long anyway. As Nicolas is writing the check, however, he hears a familiar voice.

"No, you don't understand, officer. We don't pay taxes because we're too good to pay taxes. It's the government that owes us for enriching their country, not the other way around!"

Oh, hey. It's the owner of the Seven Deadly Sammiches. Nicolas believes his name is Tyrael. They met him a few days ago in the city, and he gave them a donation of money to help take down the MIB. What's he doing out here?

"Law is the law, sir. Tax evasion is illegal. Your shop's getting handed over to your assistant manager 'til you've served your time."

Nicolas isn't sure if he should intervene.

Of course he should intervene! You're a Big Damn Hero!

"What seems to be the problem, officer?"

Say that he is your client and you need to speak with him briefly. Let's see if you can't bullshit this.

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)18:31 No. 69517 ID: f4963f
File 125652070474.jpg - (143.02KB , 841x600 , Ch4_Diner_07.jpg )

>>69501
"What seems to be the problem, officer?"

"Ain't no problem now, son. We're just doing our job, putting dangerous criminals in their place."

"... isn't tax evasion the FBI's job?"

"Quiet, boy."

"The only thing dangerous about me is my sex-appeal," says Tyrael. "Well, that and my tremendous strength and sharp wit, but I am such a noble man that I would never turn them to the hands of evil, no matter how dashing I would look as a knight of darkness."

>>69509
>Say he's your client, Mr. Business Lawyer
That's... a pretty clever idea, actually.

"I'm sorry, officer, could I have a moment? We were actually just about to meet about the tax evasion issue. I'm Tyrael's lawyer, Nicolas Zere. We were hoping to settle this out of court."

"I... um. Well, it's a bit late for that now, isn't it, son? Where were you six months ago? And I thought his lawyer was a man named Victor Radley. You don't look anything like him, son."

>>69517
"Victor passed away recently. It was all over the papers. I'm taking over for him."

"Well Victor obviously wasn't doing a very good job, eh?
That's why I'm here now."

Vic met unfortunate ends, did he not? I figure if a lawyer kills another lawyer, the killing lawyer gets all his clients. It's somewhere in the unofficial lawyer honor code book, isn't it? Like a weird gladiator thing tradition. I've lost this analogy.

Say that you are co-counsel recently hired by Victor. That would be far less easy to disprove.

1/2 Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)19:47 No. 69568 ID: f4963f
File 125652522791.jpg - (139.99KB , 841x600 , Ch4_Diner_08.jpg )

>>69521
This comment is awesome. You are awesome.

>>69522
"He is," says Nicolas. "I'm a co-counsel hired by Victor to handle Tyrael's affairs."

"A what?"

"He pawned the job off on me, we split the fee. If you'd like, I can get into technical details. It's covered on page 327 of Lawyer McLawyerson's Boring Book of Law."

"I... fine," says the cop. "You can talk to him. Just, I was ordered to bring him in, so..." ... the guy's expression is hard to read behind his obnoxious shades and his pedophile-mustache, but Nic thinks he's a bit conflicted.

"Thank you, sir. It won't be a moment."

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)19:47 No. 69569 ID: f4963f
File 125652525727.jpg - (156.82KB , 841x600 , Ch4_Diner_09.jpg )

"Fancy meeting you here," Nicolas whispers.

"Most would be flattered."

"Listen, Tyrael. Do you want me to get you out of this mess or not?"

"... though I could have easily handled it myself, I'll exercise my generous humility by allowing you the honor."

"How much do you owe, anyway?"

"A lot." Tyrael lists off an approximate figure of three metric fucktons. It would be enough to put someone's wealth down three wealth levels.

Nicolas stares at Tyrael. "... you can afford that much," he says.

"But... they're asking way too much," protests Tyrael.

Argh. If we're getting Tyrael out of here, someone here is going to have to pay that fee off. Nicolas is exactly three wealth levels above BROKE.

Doesn't he realize that if they take him to prison, he will have to pay, but will also be a felon? Tax evasion is a felony, but the IRS is always willing to negotiate. they'd rather have the money than have somebody in jail.

At least convince him to spread some of the cost. He's going to end up paying the whole thing and going to jail if you do nothing.

>>69569
Use massive diplomacy cheese and flattery to convince him to pay his own damn taxes. After all, someone as kind and generous as him could certainly be gracious enough to donate to the charity that is this nation's legal system.

>>69574
Yes, explain to him all the good things tax money does.

"I'm very sorry, but as I see it, you have the choice here of either being poor, or being poor and in prison. Moreover, if you go to jail, it means I'll have failed to keep you out, and my adorable pet cat Skimbles will be sad. Would you do that to me? Would you do that to Skimbles? Is that the sort of man that you are?"

Say all of this in an extremely serious and businesslike tone of voice while steepling your fingers.

These Seven Sammiches siblings are easy to control if you take advantage of their vice. Play to his pride.

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)20:31 No. 69601 ID: f4963f
File 125652787632.jpg - (157.21KB , 841x600 , Ch4_Diner_10.jpg )

>>69572
>>69582
>Doesn't he realize he'll have to pay it anyway?
>Poor, or poor and in prison?
I know, right?! Arguing with Tyrael is like shouting at a brick wall. Even when he's clearly wrong, he's never going to bloody admit it. Nicolas shakes his head. "Tyrael, if you don't pay your taxes, they're going to put you in jail and take your money anyway. And then I'll be sad. And my pet cat will be sad. We'll all be sad."

"Well of course you will," says Tyrael, "but it's really quite simple. I merely intend to talk to the jury and win their hearts. They'll hear my plight and agree that this is all a very silly affair. Then I won't have to do either. No not mourn my loss pre-emptively, my esteemed lawyer."

... right.

>>69574
>>69576
>>69592
Arguing isn't working anymore. Nicolas needs to take the pink girl's words to heart here.

"Mmm. Yes, I'm sure you would, Tyrael. The problem is that there's a period of detainment before the trial, and the system is moving very slowly. I wouldn't want a person as fine as yourself to be marred in such unspeakable conditions."

"That... would be unfortunate," Tyrael admits.

"If only there were a way for you to show your reasonable nature, without actually having to put up with such inhumane treatment," Nicolas muses. "I don't know, though. I'm stumped. You seem to be in a hard spot. What solutions can you think of, sir?"

Tyrael looks a bit surprised. "Um... well. If I didn't want to sit in jail, I suppose I could... ooh, I've got it. I'll deliver the money directly to the IRS, and tell them to make note of my excessive generosity."

"Well," says Nicolas, "thoughts like that are why you're the manager of the Seven Deadly Sammiches, and I'm not. I'm quite impressed."

"Why thank you~"

"Can you handle the delivery yourself, or did you need some help?"

>>69611
Tyrael's far too PROUD to need help with something. If we ask this, be sure to say it more like...
"Would it be alright if I came along to watch you in action?"
... unless you really don't want to go with him, in which case, yeah, just ask if he needs help.

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/10/25(Sun)22:48 No. 69666 ID: f4963f
File 125653612170.jpg - (133.19KB , 841x600 , Ch4_Diner_11.jpg )

>>69611
>>69640
"Do you mind if we come along, then? I'm sure the officer will want to watch you."

"I'm fine with that," replies Tyrael.

Nicolas directs his attention to the cop. "Excuse me, officer, but I believe we've reached a compromise. Do you mind if we drive this man to the IRS?"

"Can't just let you drive him away, son. Wouldn't be very professional of me."

Hrm. "Would you be so kind as to drive this man to the IRS, then?"

"Well... if it gets rid of the problem, then I don't see why not."

"Thank you kindly, officer."

Tyrael and the officer head off.

"Oh my God," says Joel. "You played him like a fiddle."

"I know, right?" says Nicolas, grinning. "Damn that was easy."

"So, uh, what do we do now?" she asks.

"Follow them and add him to the party, of course."

"N-Nobody speaks like that, Nic." ... "You sure you wanna do that? Th-the MIB aren't going to stop coming at us, y'know."

>>69666
He probably wouldn't even come with us. He's got a business to run. Besides, he's kindof a giant tool.

>>69666
"Well of course they won't. They need to keep chasing us so we can level grind. But more party members always helps!"

>>69666
> "You sure you wanna do that?"
SHUT UP, SATAN.

Tyrael is awesome. We must try to recruit him. At the very least, he'll make the team more colourful.
Let's follow him and make sure he gets through this okay.
TEAMWORK IS AWESOME.

>>69667
> He's a tool.
You're a towel!

His incalculable self-absorption would get old.

Do you know what city they're driving to? How might it relate with your other current tasks?

>>69673
>towel

Correction: I am a damp towel.

>>69677
But his incalculable self-absorption makes him so very easy to control. Phrased right to feed his pride, he'd follow nearly any order. It would get pretty annoying, though...

>>69677
> His incalculable self-absorption would get old.
For you maybe.

> His incalculable self-absorption makes him so very easy to control.
He also has at least a few fucktons of money, which apparently we're starting to lack. Plus, he's the leader of the Seven Sammich Sinners.
Authority Equals Asskicking dictates that he must be capable of kicking some ass, even if he probably can't kick as much ass as he claims (because nobody can kick that much ass).
An extra gun arm is always handy.

Also, he's so full of himself, he'd probably think of himself as the greatest credit to anything we do. ANYTHING we do. Think about that.
"Why yes, officer, we did break into the rofldogs mainframe and replace all its files with a cat hypnotization loop. But it was Tyrael who did most of the work. Man, we couldn't have done it without him."

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)00:13 No. 71536 ID: f4963f
File 12571496373.jpg - (208.00KB , 841x600 , Ch4_IRS_01.jpg )

"Honestly, I'm a bit torn," says Nicolas. "The least we can do is talk and see which direction he's headed, though."

"Well... i-if you say so," says Joel. "I just think we're going to get him killed."

"Well... I'm just a business lawyer, and things could have gone worse."

"I guess you've got a point."

...

An hour passes. Nicolas and Joel manage to pass the time with music and empty chat, mostly waiting for Tyrael's no doubt dramatic confrontation with the IRS worker that Nicolas is somehow managing to pity. Mappy's being annoying. Nicolas pets her anyway.

The door to the main building has opened up, and Tyrael struts towards the car.

That dog loves you so much, you should pet it and be nice to it. I mean, I know it's not a cat, but it tries its hardest.

>>71536
Ask Tyrael what he plans to do now.

See above comment.

1/2 Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)12:18 No. 71647 ID: f4963f
File 125719307942.jpg - (157.85KB , 877x675 , Ch4_IRS_02.jpg )

>>71537
But... but... it's a dog! They're just not as cute or adorable or huggable as cats! Dogs are for armpit-scratching jocks who give you wedgies in high school and crazy obese aunts with rim-horned glasses!

...

Okay. OKAY. FINE. Nicolas gives Mappy a little pet. For a dog, he supposes she's okay. Tolerable. Maybe even a little cute.

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)12:18 No. 71649 ID: f4963f
File 125719310430.jpg - (192.02KB , 841x600 , Ch4_IRS_03.jpg )

"Everything sorted out?"

"But of course~"

"So where were you headed?"

"San Francisco, baby," says Tyrael. "I'd have taken a flight, but the airlines are all shut down. Something about terrorism and governmental takeover?"

"Right, the MIB," says Nicolas. "Well, we were headed in the same general directions - westward, towards Colorado."

"Ooh... that works out well," says Tyrael.

"I should warn you that the MIB have been hunting us like dogs. Especially since I, y'know, killed their second in command."

"Hmph," says Tyrael, "how unsporting of them. How about this; I come along and protect you from the MIB, and in return, you can chip in for gas and dining."

>>71649
...Sure, hop in.

>>71649
I don't trust this guy. Make sure to ask him how he feels about Australia.

Suggestion 2009/11/02(Mon)16:41 No. 71743 ID: 12fc66
File 12572088849.gif - (87.10KB , 150x100 , ownage.gif )

>>71649
YAAAY TYRAEL JOINS THE PARTY

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)17:19 No. 71744 ID: f4963f
File 125721115984.jpg - (111.38KB , 503x534 , Ch4_IRS_04.jpg )

>>71652
"Sure, hop in."

"Tsk. Do you think I walked here on foot? No, we need to get back to the diner and get my ride. Tyrael does not go /anywhere/ without his wheels."

Nicolas pauses, and then nods. "Alright. Then how I drive you over to the diner, and you can follow us in your car, then?"

"Alright," says Tyrael. "Let me hop in."

Nic can't tell if he's being ironic, or just stupid.

>>71741
>I don't trust this guy.
Nic doesn't think Tyrael's in league with the MIB, but he'll make a mental note. He's liable to find Joel more trustworthy anyway.

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)17:58 No. 71756 ID: f4963f
File 125721348817.jpg - (131.32KB , 718x489 , Ch4_Plus_Two_Crotch_Extension.jpg )

Nicolas drives Tyrael back to the diner, where he gets into his... damn. Damn, man. Nic can't say he's surprised. Joel breaks into the chips beside Nic and just gives him a look.

"It's still better than having him in the car the whole way, don't you think?"

Joel just makes a face and puts the Phantom of the Opera back on.

Nicolas and Joel take stock. They've still got plenty of ammunition, gas cans, and multiple days worth of food for two people and two pets. Joel informs Nicolas that their supply of raisinettes is growing dangerously low.

This is probably going to be the last major stop for a few days, unless Tyrael railroads them into stopping someplace.

Anything the party should do before setting off?

Aww hell, have the awesome powers of Tyrael decipher that evil pig-dog-cat-devil statue. I'm still curious about the thing and we've tried everything easily thinkable.

A more productive option would be to take Mappy and Skimbleshanks for a walk while getting those raisennettes for their bathroom break then lets get out of here.

>>71760
I second everything mentioned here. Also we should pick up some bubble gum while we are here.

Make sure to run out of it before we reach Colorado.

>>71756
Team Pose!

>>71770
Shit hasn't become real yet.

We need a Corgyn party member to contrast George the cutebold first. Then shit would be so unbelievably real that the amount of comatose questers would increase by tens.

Shit man, /quest/ needs more corgyns.

1/3 Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)19:27 No. 71782 ID: f4963f
File 125721882560.jpg - (170.57KB , 841x600 , Ch4_End_01.jpg )

>>71760
>>71760
"Hey. You." Nicolas walks up to Tyrael and pushes the cat-pig... dog... thing into his face. "You're smart. Figure out what the hell this thing is."

"A... figurine?" asks Tyrael.

"Yes," says Nicolas. "A figurine that keeps appearing where it shouldn't. It's not magic. Or maybe it is, and it's just really good at hiding it. I don't know. I don't care. All I know is it's pissing me off."

"... of course I can figure out what's going on," says Tyrael. "I just need a few days."

"You do that," says Nic. "I'm going to get Joel a chocolate IV. Will a one hour departure time work for you?"

"A gentleman is always ready," says Tyrael.

"Damn straight," says Nicolas, taking Mappy and Skimbles with him.

2/3 Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)19:27 No. 71784 ID: f4963f
File 125721887040.jpg - (225.19KB , 841x600 , Ch4_End_02.jpg )

Nicolas and Joel start off on the long stretch to Colorado. Though a cross-country trip is by no means short, matters are further complicated by cluttered traffic and slow governmental breakdown. Behind them, Tyrael follows in his sports car.

It's going to be a long trip.

Adept!!MvMGOwL2H3 2009/11/02(Mon)19:28 No. 71785 ID: f4963f
File 125721890033.jpg - (119.46KB , 841x600 , Ch4_End_Splash.jpg )

== Chapter Four End ==

You have 3 people in a car, commence haddaway blasting.