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549154 No. 549154 ID: b3ca75

Old threads and Wiki: http://tgchan.org/wiki/Rust
Discussion (as dead as ever): http://tgchan.org/kusaba/questdis/res/56976.html

Notice: As the author of this quest was recently beaten to death by his own creations, this quest will from now on be done by a lobotomized monkey. You might notice significant rise in the quality of the writing, but pay it no mind… also, ignore any calls of help... everyone is happy here… very happy…
455 posts omitted. Last 100 shown. Expand all images
>>
No. 552748 ID: 7bbaae

>>552747
That's a very good idea. We don't need you to do everything, Jericho. We have other people on our side. Relax, the weight of the world is not on your shoulders. It's on everyone's. Okay that doesn't sound reassuring but trust me, things will work out fine in the end, we're going to win this.
>>
No. 552749 ID: 9ddf68

Damn Eliraz, that's not a bad plan, we didn't really want to ask you directly since we figured you might be a bit gun shy after just your whole shadow deal but if you want to help we wont turn you down.

Oh and Jericho, it's more on our heads then yours if the world should take a turn for the worst, you should relax a bit you've earned it.
>>
No. 552750 ID: fd6ae9

Sorry Jericho. Sometimes we forget how hard this stuff can be on you guys. It's a lot easier looking down than living it, you know?
>>
No. 552751 ID: dbe554

Oooh you have song birds here that can sing on command? That's so cool.

But yeah, Jericho go ahead and rest. I guess we're more fond of you because you're our first host, but we can sometimes push our hosts a bit to hard because we believe they are able to withstand it all.

*Select Player: The Thief*
>>
No. 552754 ID: b3ca75
File 138747214167.png - (22.54KB , 900x450 , 84.png )
552754

>Relax.
:ElirazRUST: So… anything else you wish for?
:JerichoRUSTED: Mmmm~
:PeepRUST: *Twitter*
:ElirazRUST: I’ll take that as a no.

>*Select Player: The Thief*
Well then… then it’s just us. I you try to do anything I’ll… err… I have no idea what I’ll do but I’ll do something. *sigh* The things you do fo-
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis voices greetings inferior flesh bag filled with easily breakable bones to the fragile flesh bag!
:ElirazRUST: AAH!! BY SH’POR’S LEFT NIPPLE, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!!?
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis used portal made of wood and stone to enter weak flesh bag’s chamber. Artemis seeks the bag of bones entity known as Jericho so Artemis can flay Jericho still functioning frame.
:ElirazRUST: W-what?
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis trick the slow witted carcass of meat and bone. Artemis laughs. Ha. Ha. Artemis seeks the disgusting bag of flesh known as Jericho to voice. Artemis wishes to voice about scared meat clad in metal. Artemis does not understand why meat clad in metal would be scared of Artemis and why meat clad in metal would poke Artemis with inferior meat bag sticks. Have the disposable flesh bag seen the Jericho?
:ElirazRUST: Err…

Insert Artemis wishes for a speaking classes for Christmas_
>>
No. 552756 ID: 7bbaae

>>552754
It made its own body and has simply been ignoring the guards' attempts to destroy it? The enemy's golem army is going to be a big problem.

Tell it that Jericho is relaxing in the bath right now, and you can handle whatever talking it needs to do.
>>
No. 552759 ID: fd6ae9

They're afraid of you because their meat sticks don't work on you. They fear what they can't control.

...can you just steal his body? Or his head off his body?
>>
No. 552760 ID: dbe554

Well we can't do anything to you anyways. I mean the furthest we've done is given Jericho a tiny shield to defend himself with.

Also apparently it wants to flay Jericho, can your shadow powers somehow disable it?
>>
No. 552761 ID: 5ce288

Don't worry, worst we can do to you is suggestion strange things. Like ask how you feel about polyamorous relationships or suggest you should hook up with your sister. More annoying than harmful, unlike your previous player.

Think there's anyway to get this golem to speak english? It's barely comprehensible.
>>
No. 552762 ID: b3ca75
File 138747779246.png - (22.50KB , 900x450 , 85.png )
552762

>Like ask how you feel about polyamorous relationships or suggest you should hook up with your sister.
Wha- but… w-what?
>...can you just steal his body? Or his head off his body?
His head seems to be firmly affixed to his body… and stealing his body wouldn’t really accomplish much. Having an angry golem in your pocket is hardly the most commendable situation.

>apparently it wants to flay Jericho.
:ElirazRUST: …why do you want to flay Jericho?
:ArtemisRUST: …Artemis told joke to fle-
:ElirazRUST: Please, call me Eliraz.
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis told joke to the inferior Eliraz. Artemis thinks Eliraz is senseless for believing Artemis. Artemis only wishes to voice with Jericho.

>Tell it that Jericho is relaxing in the bath right now, and you can handle whatever talking it needs to do.
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis tells Eliraz t voice why meat in-
:ElirazRUST: They are guards. Stop calling everyone meat and flesh.
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis tells Eliraz to voice why fragile guards are full of fear.
>They're afraid of you because their meat sticks don't work on you. They fear what they can't control.
:ElirazRUST: -and running around telling people that you’ll flay them doesn’t really help.
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis should stop joking?
:ElirazRUST: Yes… and stop insulting everyone. Being called inferior isn’t nice, you know.
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis only voicing truth. Artemis is superior in every way compared to Eliraz. Artemis is perfect.
:ElirazRUST: You aren’t superior in humility and manners, it seems.
:ArtemisRUST: …Eliraz is voicing lie. Artemis is superior. Eliraz is voicing lie, therefor Jericho not taking bath… therefor Jericho willing to voice with Artemis…
:ElirazRUST: You’re called Artemis and standing right in front of me.
:ArtemisRUST: …Therefor Artemis is not… Artemis? Not standing here? Artemis not Artemis not standing here not Artemis… therefor… therefor Artemis not… standing?
:ElirazRUST: …err… I think I broke him…
:ArtemisRUST: …Artemis is not superior? Why? Artemis wonders why isn’t Artemis superior to Eliraz? Eliraz made of weak material, Artemis is made of strong material. Why Artemis inferior?

Insert Superior inferior complex_
>>
No. 552765 ID: 5ce288

Don't worry about it, we'll solve those problems later.

Explain to Artemis that there is more than just physical power to account for when assessing when one or another thing is superior.
>>
No. 552766 ID: dbe554

Step back a bit, just to make sure you are not within 'superior' Golem grip distance.
>>
No. 552776 ID: 96b823

Give Artemis a show of your shadow magic by asking if it's superior, can it do this, then "shadow-port" over to the bookshelf through Artemis. Then pick a dictionary off the shelf, saying Artemis' grasp of language and grammar is inferior to yours, then hand it the book and ask it to compare the contents to its memories.

Now take a philosophical approach: Superiority and inferiority is situational, not absolute. That which is superior under one situation would be inferior in another, and vice versa. There is nothing that is absolutely superior to everything else, nor anything that's absolutely inferior to everything else.

Oh, and if golems are so superior to "flesh bags" why aren't the golems still around and the "squishy ones" long dead? Why are there so few golems still active, while the fleshy species continue on? That implies the golems had a fatal flaw; An "inferiority," if you will.

Where'd Artemis get the materials for a new body from? And what's that blue thing across its torso?
>>
No. 552777 ID: 7bbaae

>>552762
Tell him that not being superior doesn't mean he's inferior. His body is definitely stronger. However, there are things you can do that he cannot. For instance, you can more easily understand social things. Also, you can essentially turn invisible and steal things that should be impossible to steal.

If things go wrong, could you steal his energy core to deactivate him?
>>
No. 552781 ID: b3ca75
File 138748743935.png - (22.69KB , 900x450 , 86.png )
552781

>If things go wrong, could you steal his energy core to deactivate him?
If I knew where it was… and if it’s actually removable…
>Give Artemis a show of your shadow magic by asking if it's superior, can it do this, then "shadow-port" over to the bookshelf through Artemis. Then pick a dictionary off the shelf, saying Artemis' grasp of language and grammar is inferior to yours, then hand it the book and ask it to compare the contents to its memories.
Err… let’s at least try keep being “superior” at manners and humility, alright?

>Step back a bit, just to make sure you are not within 'superior' Golem grip distance.
:ElirazRUST: Can you please take a step back, my good sir?
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis wonder what he gains from fulfilling Eliraz request?
:ElirazRUST: Well, it would be a nice show of manners… and it would make me happier.
:ArtemisRUST: …happy? Happy… happy happy! Artemis confirms, Artemis takes a step back.
>Where'd Artemis get the materials for a new body from? And what's that blue thing across its torso?
:ArtemisRUST: Artemis fou-
:ElirazRUST: Can you please stop referring to yourself in third person, thank you.
:ArtemisRUST: …I found stone, I used stone. Blue thingy is blue thingy, blue thingy keeps body together to create I.

>Take a philosophical approach.
:ElirazRUST: Alright, nothing is always superior or always inferior thanks to those terms not having any true absolutes. Instead something can be better then something else for a certain situation. For example, you seem stronger than me, but I’m quite clearly more agile.
:ArtemisRUST: …I do not understand. How can steel be inferior to gold of example?
:ElirazRUST: Gold is a lot more beautiful, isn’t it?
:ArtemisRUST: Beautiful?
:ElirazRUST: Nice to look at.
:ArtemisRUST: …Eliraz is beautiful, correct?
:ElirazRUST: Err… sure?
:ArtemisRUST: I thank Eliraz for help?
:ElirazRUST: It was my pleasure, really.
:ArtemisRUST: Pleasure? Do you wish for me to pleasure you as thanks?
:ElirazRUST: Wha-
:ArtemisRUST: We can give you pleasure by helping Eliraz, correct? To Eliraz wish to be rewarded with the experience of helping me and get to share our wisdom? Please insert pleasure method.
:ElirazRUST: …you want me to ask questions?
:ArtemisRUST: If that is how Eliraz wishes to receive pleasure. We can also make Eliraz happy or make ourselves beautiful to Eliraz.
:ElirazRUST:

Insert Not what he meant… at all…_
>>
No. 552783 ID: 7bbaae

>>552781
He seems to be learning quickly. Anyway, we wanted to know how golems were made, and how we could fight off enemy golems. Do they have an "off" switch somewhere?
>>
No. 552784 ID: dbe554

Ask it about when it was created, it's creators, and generally what it can remember as far back as it can.

Also ask about Golem Creation, Golem Destruction.
>>
No. 552793 ID: 87e6c2

>>552781
...Explain that things can have multiple meanings, and in this case you meant that there was no need for thanks.

First, is that 'blue thingy' a keystone?
Second, did the stone he 'found' belong to anyone or anything important, such as a load-bearing column or bathroom wall?
Third, explain that if he tells whatever he needs to tell to tell to Jericho to you, you will tell Jericho what he said when you see him. He thinks overly-literally, so just explain yourself as plainly as you can.

Let Ilbir ask about Golem anatomy and function; he would be in a better position to understand and use any information Artemis gives than you are right now.
>>
No. 552794 ID: 96b823

Asking about golems seems to be the obvious place to start. What materials are required to make one, from one of Artemis' complexity or above on down to the very simplest. Whether only clay or stone can be used. How the type and quality of the clay and stone effect its attributes. What determines who the golem will take orders from. What they're exceptionally resistant from. What can effectively damage one.

One theory I have to destroy a golem would be to heat it to a high temperature, followed by rapidly cooling it from the outside in. I think that'll shatter a clay golem, though a stone one may stand up better depending on the type of stone used.

Ask how and when the key stone recovered from near the location Artemis was recovered from came to be there. Perhaps Esiros left it there, though if he did I don't know how.

"Make ourselves beautiful?" What? Play dress-up? Well, it does look like a nude lizard statue, so putting some clothes on it for modesty's sake is sensible. Eliraz, you got anything in your wardrobe you wouldn't mind being lost, damaged, or destroyed? Oh! You're a painter, right? You feel like painting a golem? It's just like painting a statue.

Also, referring to Artemis by its name is going to get tiresome, and using "it" gets confusing. Lets settle on a gender pronoun. What gender does Artemis look and sound most like? Can it change its appearance and voice? ...Is there an appearance and voice you'd prefer it take, Eliraz?
>>
No. 552805 ID: 9ddf68

so we basically got a blank slate here that's learning as he goes. Good to know, but yeah ask if he knows how golems are created and if there are different types of golems. If we're going to have to fight these damn things at some point might as well get learning now.
>>
No. 552866 ID: b3ca75
File 138755103459.png - (22.84KB , 900x450 , 87.png )
552866

>First, is that 'blue thingy' a keystone?
Doesn’t look like it. It seems just to be a magical crystal powering it’s body.

>Referring to Artemis by its name is going to get tiresome, and using "it" gets confusing. Let’s settle on a gender pronoun.
:ElirazRUST: Are you male or female?
:ArtemisRUST: I am neither. I am beyond gender.
:ElirazRUST: It would be a lot easier to refer to you with a gender.
:ArtemisRUST: Then what does Eliraz wishes for me to be? What is more beautiful to Eliraz, male or female?
:ElirazRUST: Err… you don’t need to choose depending what I would want. What do you want to be?
:ArtemisRUST: I want to pleasure Eliraz. If Eliraz happy I am happy. Eliraz is my… my… wife?
:ElirazRUST: …I think you mean friend?
:ArtemisRUST: …friend? Companion… friend… yes… Eliraz friend, I wish to make Eliraz happy trough pleasure. Are Eliraz male or female?
:ElirazRUST: …I would say male.
:ArtemisRUST: Then I am Female. Maximum pleasure can be achieved trough opposite genders.
:ElirazRUST: …please stop using the word pleasure like that…

>Did the stone he 'found' belong to anyone or anything important, such as a load-bearing column or bathroom wall?
:ArtemisRUST: I found stone in pile, I used stone in pile.
:ElirazRUST: Ah, you used some of the reserve bricks we have stockpiled... considering you probably woke up the storage that make sense.
>Make ourselves beautiful?
:ArtemisRUST: Gold is beautiful, yes? Also silver, gems, shiny. Clothes make you beautiful? I wish to be beautiful like Eliraz… please?
>putting some clothes on it for modesty's sake is sensible.
:ElirazRUST: There you go. Now you’re beautiful…
:ArtemisRUST: Eliraz think I’m beautiful? …does Eliraz like me?
:ElirazRUST: I have to admit, you are starting to grow on me.
:ArtemisRUST: Then I’m happy. Eliraz likes me.

>Ask it about when it was created, it's creators, and generally what it can remember as far back as it can.
:ArtemisRUST: Darkness… then Jericho found us.
:ElirazRUST: Darkness? Nothing more?
:ArtemisRUST: Eternal darkness.
>Golem Creation.
:ArtemisRUST: Clay and stone and life essence makes golem.
:ElirazRUST: Life essence?
:ArtemisRUST: I am life essence.
:ElirazRUST: How do you get a… life essence?
:ArtemisRUST: …I am… life essence?
:ElirazRUST: Right…
>Golem Destruction.
:ArtemisRUST: I am the only golem active in this nation. I am the only one this knowledge can hurt. Do you wish to hurt me? Doesn’t E-Eliraz l-like me?
:ElirazRUST: Wha- I still like you, but doesn’t the tribals have golems?
:ArtemisRUST: Those aren’t golems. They are cheats made of liquid stone. They will break like your bones. Kill them. Crush them. Destroy…

Insert KK’ND_
>>
No. 552870 ID: dbe554

She's kinda cute like that when she's happy.

I am surprised though that she can actually feel things, she felt sad and terror at the thought of being destroyed...Or well, even if you just don't like her anymore.

But now we know these golems aren't 'true' golems of the past, but a new sort fashioned through their magics. Though can you get her to Clarify on what she means by 'Liquid Stone?"

Also I think I know what Life Essence means, it might mean that a 'life' was taken to make them, or maybe sucked out from a few people and they stayed alive, who knows at this point.
>>
No. 552871 ID: fd6ae9

>liquid stone cheat golem will break
Oh, okay. Thank you.
>>
No. 552876 ID: 7bbaae

>>552866
Oh thank god they aren't unstoppable like Artemis. Ask... her? if she can fight, and/or if she knows if she can help activate more real golems. Ilbir wanted to study her...

Also jeez I can't believe this golem is hitting on you so much. I'm not sure that's entirely accidental. I guess you could broach the subject of if she is asexual or not. It would make sense if she was, and that'd probably be reassuring for you.
>>
No. 552885 ID: 5ce288

>Then I am Female. Maximum pleasure can be achieved trough opposite genders.
Why opposite genders?

>…I would say male.
Speaking of which, didn't you used to present as a girl when you were little? What's the story with that? Something the shadow made you do? Parental expectations, or just change your mind when puberty hit?
>>
No. 552886 ID: 9ddf68

I think she's taking a liking to you.

But does she mean ice when she said liquid stone? also ask her if she knows more about these knockoff golems.
>>
No. 552887 ID: b3ca75
File 138756236401.png - (22.85KB , 900x450 , 88.png )
552887

>Didn't you used to present as a girl when you were little? What's the story with that?
Err… let’s just say puberty was weird, alright?
>jeez I can't believe this golem is hitting on you so much.
I don’t know if it’s flirting or if it’s just innocent.

>Can you get her to Clarify on what she means by 'Liquid Stone?"
:ArtemisRUST: The liquid you drink turned into white stone.
:ElirazRUST: Ice?
:ArtemisRUST: Correct.
>Ask... her? if she can fight.
:ArtemisRUST: I will crush anyone who dares to hurt Eliraz! …and Jericho!

>ask if she knows if she can help activate more real golems.
:ArtemisRUST: Have you acquired a life essence?
:ElirazRUST: …no?
:ArtemisRUST: Can only make new golems with life essence.
>I guess you could broach the subject of if she is asexual or not.
:ElirazRUST: …what is your sexuality?
:ArtemisRUST: My sex is female.
:ElirazRUST: No, I mean… do you like boys or girls?
:ArtemisRUST: I like Eliraz.
:ElirazRUST: …do you even know what sex is? You know, having fun in bed?
:ArtemisRUST: …Eliraz means jumping on bed? That’s fun, correct? Or do Eliraz mean sleeping? I can’t sleep… I can’t dream… I do not know if fun or not.
:ElirazRUST: …Do you know what mating is?
:ArtemisRUST: It’s when biological creatures creates new biological creatures. I cannot do that.
:ElirazRUST: Love?
:ArtemisRUST: …?
:ElirazRUST: Why did you choose the opposite gender from what I have?
:ArtemisRUST: They have more fun together? That’s what my knowledge tells me.
:ElirazRUST: What kind of fun?
:ArtemisRUST: …I do not understand. Isn’t all fun the same fun? Fun is fun.

Insert Baby don’t hurt me_
>>
No. 552890 ID: fd6ae9

Innocent. Definitely innocent.

>Isn’t all fun the same fun? Fun is fun.
Well, yes, but there are many things that could be considered fun.
>>
No. 552891 ID: dbe554

..Ice golems sounds like a really, really bad idea in a Desert, not to mention against a nation whose natural casting magic is fire.

Can she read? It might be worthwhile to let her read books to study a bit in her downtime. It worked well with Jericho afterall.
>>
No. 552893 ID: 9ddf68

...maybe you should keep her away from your more... intimate books, unless it gives her ideas.

Also what skills does she have, we know she's strong, a quick study, and really tough. What else can she do though?
>>
No. 552898 ID: 7bbaae

You know I honestly have no idea if opposite genders have more nonsexual fun with eachother or not.

Anyway, I think we're nearly at the end of our questions for her. Shall we go to our next stop?
>>
No. 552899 ID: 7bbaae

>>552898
She could come with us if she wants, I suppose.
>>
No. 552904 ID: 96b823

No, all fun isn't the same fun; Once again it's situational, as well as personal. (A little chiding for using absolutes again may also be in order.) There's some things that are considered fun or pleasurable by nearly all, some by most, and some by only a few.

Ask if she would care to come with you while you do some errands. It'd be good for her to watch how people interact, especially with you there to clarify and explain. Leave a note for Jericho, then call out to the guards that you're alright and not to attack the golem as you leave. After all, they did seen an unstoppable golem did walk into your room awhile ago. They may have been marshaling forces to try and take it out.

I have a suspicion that the "life essence" is a soul, bound to the golem's core. Possibly not even a whole soul but wisps and scraps of faded souls "pressed" together. I think we should bring Artemis to Tera at some point to see if she can sense a soul within Artemis.

Also, just to check if we can speak directly to her: [Attempt connection to golem "Artemis"; On fail: Connect to pawn "The Thief."]
>>
No. 553094 ID: b3ca75
File 138773758102.png - (27.27KB , 900x450 , 89.png )
553094

>[Attempt connection to golem "Artemis"; On fail: Connect to pawn "The Thief."]
[You cannot connect to pawns you currently don’t own!]
>..Ice golems sounds like a really, really bad idea in a Desert, not to mention against a nation whose natural casting magic is fire.
I thought their ice magic would be quite a bit weaker than our fire magic at first too, but apparently the more powerful sorcerers can make ice so strong not even the hottest fire can melt it… unless then will it too.
>I have a suspicion that the "life essence" is a soul, bound to the golem's core.
Well then, let’s not dabble in that kind of magic, thank you very much.
>I think we should bring Artemis to Tera at some point to see if she can sense a soul within Artemis.
…unless it’s necromantic in nature she won’t be able to sense a thing.

>Call out to the guards that you're alright and not to attack the golem as you leave.
Hmm… that’s odd, actually. Why haven’t they charged in here yet?
:ElirazRUST: Guards? Why aren’t you still pursuing the golem?
:GuardRUST: Captain Xaldins orders, my prince, we are not to engage it least it turn hostile, my lord.
>No, all fun isn't the same fun; Once again it's situational, as well as personal.
:ElirazRUST: -and didn’t I already teach you not to use absolutes? Only savages deals in absolutes.
:ArtemisRUST: …isn’t that an absolute? …was that supposed to be joke or is Eliraz hypocritical?
:ElirazRUST: It’s a joke.
:ArtemisRUST: In that case. Ha. Ha.

>Ask her if she knows more about these knockoff golems.
:ArtemisRUST: They are made of… “Ice”… they are weak… they lack freedom… they are moving statues… nothing more. Never felt more than four. They keep changing. Only one stays the same.
>Can she read? It might be worthwhile to let her read books to study a bit in her downtime.
:ArtemisRUST: I’ll read everything you wishes me to read, beautiful Eliraz.
>...maybe you should keep her away from your more... intimate books, unless it gives her ideas.
W-what!? How d- I don’t have anything l-like that! I swear! On my honor!
>Ask if she would care to come with you while you do some errands.
:ArtemisRUST: If it means that I can spend more time with Eliraz. Eliraz nice to me. Not like old master… can’t remember old master… they were… mean? I believe?
:ElirazRUST: Well, Our first stop should be the smith, then.



:BjornRUST: Ah’ve repaired this bloody locket as best as ah could, Prince. It was sealed by some sod with fire magic… probably the bastard did it on accident, but ah’ve gotten it open. Ah can’t fix the bloody copper shell, though.
:ElirazRUST: Copper shell?
:BjornRUST: Ach, it’s a copper shell surrounding the magical core. Repairing it or removing it would be like dissecting a bloody frog, making the sod the unfunniest joke ever told by a bastard.
:ElirazRUST: Magical? What does it do?
:BjornRUST: Do ah look like a bloody wizard to ya?
:ElirazRUST: Hmm… well at least you got it open. Thank you smith for your assistance.
:BjornRUST: Ya gold is thanks enough, prince.

…Let’s open it then… hmmm, there are two pictures here… a male lizard and a female… I swear that I recognize the male one from somewhere… hmm…

Insert It’s my sisters birthday today… and it’s my uncles tomorrow… they really nailed the dates, didn’t they?_
>>
No. 553095 ID: fd6ae9

>hmmm, there are two pictures here… a male lizard and a female… I swear that I recognize the male one from somewhere…
Could we see?

>It's magical
Okay, who would you go to to get that examined, then?

>It’s my sisters birthday today
Did you get her anything, yet?
>>
No. 553103 ID: 7bbaae

>>553094
The father probably looks like Esiros, as Esiros is quite likely Jericho's grandfather. Not a clue who the mother could be.

Let's get this thing identified.
>>
No. 553114 ID: dbe554

Always good to have some proper identification. Also what's Artemis looking at over there?
>>
No. 553125 ID: 9ddf68

do you normally travel with so many guards or is it because the golem is following you around, also speaking of her, what's she looking at.

Also we found your stash of books in your room, the ones you hid behind your normal books on the bookshelf, have to say we're very surprised to see that we actually know about one of the books seeing as it was around back when necromancy was still young.
>>
No. 553128 ID: b3ca75
File 138774434712.png - (27.25KB , 900x450 , 90.png )
553128

>Let's get this thing identified.
The only one I trust with something like this would be Ilbir… but he’s still out in the desert. I can give it to the mage academy but who knows how many hands it will pass then… hmm… maybe my sister can… nah…
>what's Artemis looking at over there?
:ArtemisRUST: I do not understand, why is it made of organic? Isn’t steel harder, thus more suitable for weapon?
:BjornRUST: It’s cheaper and lighter. Steel is bloody heavy, ya sod.

>The father probably looks like Esiros, as Esiros is quite likely Jericho's grandfather.
Yes, you’re right; it looks just like that stat- wait, Jericho’s grandfather!? We’re related!? Wha- b-but.. I… I-I… this… you mean… that’s great! He’s of royal blood! Which means that the handsome knight actually is on the list of possible marriages an- *cough* um… getting a bit carried away, aren’t I?
>Not a clue who the mother could be.
Her clothes and facial structure is a bit… she looks like someone from the tribes…
>We found your stash of books in your room, the ones you hid behind your normal books on the bookshelf.
W-what!? T-those… err… those aren’t m-mine! Don’t tell Jeri- oh gods, you were in Jericho when you found them, weren’t you!? Oh gods… w-what… what do I s-say to him… h-he… he must think I’m some kind of p-pervert! Or worse! Oh gods, how am I ever supposed to show my face to him again!?
AAAAH!!!
:BjornRUST: Err… are ya alright, prince?

Insert Bloody perversions of a bastardly sod_
>>
No. 553135 ID: fd6ae9

>harder versus cheaper and lighter
Once again Artemis, there are multiple factors to be considered in how good something is. In the case of a weapon, yes, power / hardness is one criteria. But we also need to consider cost and availability of materials, and how much energy it will consume for someone to use / wield the weapon, and how quickly they can move it, etc.

>We’re related!?
Only conjecture at this point, although there's decent circumstantial evidence.

>what do I do about the books!
...nothing, I'd say. Just don't bring it up if you don't want to be embarrassed. Jer certainly wasn't acting any differently after noticing them.
>>
No. 553137 ID: 7bbaae

>>553128
Jericho didn't care. Calm down dude. Tell Artemis not to pick up any of the weapons so that the guards continue to consider her a non-threat.
>>
No. 553215 ID: 96b823

Eliraz, stop freaking out. Jericho barely reacted when he found your well-thumbed Guide to Undead Erotica. He even skimmed it; On our suggestion, but he still did so. If he does think worse of you for having a kink for the undead then he's hiding it so well even we can't detect it.

So, I take it that having a "thing" for the undead is frowned upon around here, or worse, correct? We thought we heard it wasn't, so were we wrong?

...Wait a second. Are you freaking out 'cause you think that after finding those books Jericho would think you're only attracted to him 'cause he's undead? Well he doesn't, and if he did he has us to tell him otherwise, so he definitely wouldn't.

Anyway, lets go see the sultan. Tell Bjorn you're alright, it's personal, and you have to leave. Make sure Artemis doesn't pick up any weapons so the guards don't get on edge.

>"He's of royal blood!"
Eh, as >>553135 said, it's based on circumstantial evidence. Finding enough good evidence to prove it to the relevant authorities to be recognized as a royal is a whole other matter. And wouldn't being half tribal sink his chances anyway, making this moot?
>>
No. 553217 ID: 9ddf68

ok 1, involving the books, he didn't really seem to react to it other then surprised that such a thing existed so no harm no foul.

2, We've kinda been looking into Jericho's ancestry ever since we found out he can us both ice and fire magic, we've made educated guesses and found some promising leads but don't really have any real evidence to either prove or disprove Jericho is related to Esiros.

and lastly 3, Artemis do you even know how to use a weapon?

Also what's next on our to do list, the sultan right?
>>
No. 553219 ID: 5ce288

>>553217
>Also what's next on our to do list, the sultan right?
Careful with your wording. I'm pretty sure the prince doesn't need the mental image. Especially considering his undead preferences.

Looking into Jericho's ancestry may be worthwhile. If you can prove he's royalty, you might be able to make him a free man.
>>
No. 553248 ID: b3ca75
File 138781673225.png - (24.79KB , 900x450 , 91.png )
553248

>Eliraz, stop freaking out. Jericho barely reacted when he found your well-thumbed Guide to Undead Erotica. He even skimmed it; On our suggestion, but he still did so. If he does think worse of you for having a kink for the undead then he's hiding it so well even we can't detect it.
I… yes… you’re right… I don’t gain anything by freaking out, now do I. I’m sure he’s… he’s very accepting, isn’t he?
>So, I take it that having a "thing" for the undead is frowned upon around here, or worse, correct? We thought we heard it wasn't, so were we wrong?
Well, it’s something people gossip about, but it isn’t really frowned upon… It’s not like you sleep with the dead… the dead dead. You know, the illegal kind of dead sleeping. Him being a servant is a lot worse than him being undead.

>Looking into Jericho's ancestry may be worthwhile. If you can prove he's royalty, you might be able to make him a free man.
…yeah, that too. Then he would be… yes… I think I can convince mother with the evidence you’ve found. At least, I can convince her enough to give him the test of royal blood.
>Wouldn't being half tribal sink his chances anyway, making this moot?
It’s only the royal blood that’s important. The blood with fire in it. The royal line has always been populated by the most powerful of mages.

>What's next on our to do list, the sultan right?
I think I can get some time with her…
>Careful with your wording. I'm pretty sure the prince doesn't need the mental image. Especially considering his undead preferences.
Well, I didn’t before you mentioned it. Thanks a lot.

:UnknownKAK: -gotten these numbers from? They barley survive out there.
:UnknownKAK: Ah, lad, this is nothing. You should have seen it in the old days. We killed tens of thousands of them, wiped out hundreds of tribes but they didn’t even slow them down. They just kept on coming.
:XaldinRUST: But what do about the horde, my lady? They are willing to parley with the smaller settlements that they pass, do you believe they’ll give demands to us too?
:SultanRUSTED: Send a message to every village they pass to ready whatever troops they can spare. If they try to do something we’ll have them surrounded. As for the horde… we’ll need to thin their numbers a bit.
:UnknownKAK: But what if they are just here to make demands?
:SultanRUSTED: We’ll make sure they cannot blame this on us. They’ll need to pass by the Deadhallow pass so that’s where we’ll lay our trap. Get me the best necromancers the temple have to offer…
:UnknownKAK: Heh, that pass is already filled with their dead from the past, what’s a few hundred more?
:SultanRUSTED: Then it is settled. This meeting is abjured… Eliraz? What are you doing here? Is everything alright? …wait, what is that thing behind you? What have Ilbir conjured up this time?

Insert Crafting a world of war_
>>
No. 553256 ID: fd6ae9

...I'd object that getting his blood tested might out him as an antipode, but sultan there already figured that out, didn't she.

>Wait, what is that thing behind you? What have Ilbir conjured up this time?
She's a golem. They found her head in the ruins, and has since repaired herself. Artemis, mother, mother, Artemis.

Also, please tell me that's a harmless spider in the window and not, say, a giant bolder about to crash into distant buildings.
>>
No. 553261 ID: dbe554

Tell Artemis to keep her tone Civil, insulting a sultan pretty much has to be one of the worst things one can do here.

Tell her what you've learned about Jericho though.
>>
No. 553265 ID: 9ddf68

actually Jericho found her out in some ruins that Ilbir went to explore, her name is Artemis and identifies herself as a girl... anyways is this a bad time?

Also what's that thing in the window? a spider?
>>
No. 553277 ID: b3ca75
File 138782824673.png - (23.89KB , 900x450 , 92.png )
553277

>...I'd object that getting his blood tested might out him as an antipode, but sultan there already figured that out, didn't she.
She already has!? And she didn’t… but… I… why didn’t she…
>is this a bad time?
:SultanRUSTED: This is an excellent time. I just got some time over after the war meeting. Now, what is on your mind, my dear little gecko? You’ve evaded me like the plague the last week, so why the change of heart?
:ElirazRUST: Well… um… remember those priest that told you I was possessed by an evil Daemon?
:SultanRUSTED: …don’t tell me you’ve started to believe their-
:ElirazRUST: They were right… kind off… but the good news is I’m free now. Jericho saved me… he… he fought the thing that was in my mind and… he… he purified me…
:SultanRUSTED: …Teal and gray?
:ElirazRUST: …wait, how did yo- wha-
:SultanRUSTED: And here I tough I was the only one. Hmm… this is good news, isn’t it? …and that does explain your… fascination with Jericho, doesn’t it?
:ElirazRUST: …how come everyone knows I fancy him!?
:SultanRUSTED: You aren’t were subtle, little gecko.

>Artemis, mother, mother, Artemis.
:ArtemisRUST: You’re dead? How can you build Eliraz if you’re dead?
:SultanRUSTED: I wasn’t always dead… and a functioning golem? Ilbir really found something interesting this time, didn’t he?
>Please tell me that's a harmless spider in the window and not, say, a giant bolder about to crash into distant buildings.
Oh gods! That’s horrible! The Horror! What is a spider of that size doing in the palace!?
:ArtemisRUST: Is that a baby spider?
:ElirazRUST: I’m pretty sure it’s full grown, Artemis.
:ArtemisRUST: …does it really require four armed soldiers to kill one?
:ElirazRUST: …Either the spiders from your time was huge, or you’re mistaking spiders for something else.

>Tell her what you've learned about Jericho.
:SultanRUSTED: You really have the least magical capacity of the family, don’t you?
:ElirazRUST: …what does tha-
:SultanRUSTED: His blood… can’t you feel it? The fire… its pulses within him. He has the blood of our lineage. And… something else… something colder… cold like the wastes of the desert…
:ElirazRUST: So…
:SultanRUSTED: …I’ll start preparing the rite of dragon fire. It will be done in a few hours. Oh, and I hope we’re right about this… for your sake… I’m sorry, but I won’t allow one of my geckos to… start a relationship with a servant… Now, was it anything else?

Insert Dammit, stop being a reasonable authority figure! You’re ruining everything!_
>>
No. 553281 ID: 9ddf68

alright so she knows about us, what color does she have then?

And this rite of dragon fire, this is one of those "if he's from our blood he'll be fine but if he isn't then he'll die" isn't. If so you should probably ask Jericho first as I pretty sure he doesn't really care much for gaining the title of nobility or whatever this thing does. Especially if it put's his life on the line.

Oh and sultan, most time when you tell your kids not to do something they usually do it out of spite or some reason or another. Just an FYI
>>
No. 553282 ID: 88960e

>And here I [thought] I was the only one
Wait, what color is she, then?
>>
No. 553284 ID: 96b823

Heh. I figured your mom as a sharp one, Eliraz. Razor sharp. I wonder what her hidden agenda is in all this.

First, the obvious question: How'd she find out our color and Shadow's? I'm guessing she has her own player, so which color is hers? And is it a recent addition or one she's had her whole life?

Ask her what was the message she got from Dur'Ankh. Elizah mentioned to Jericho that one had arrived right before she left for the courtyard. Was it demands from warlord Mor'Kay?

Lastly, show her Jericho's locket and tell her there's an unidentified magical core in it we need identified. We'd prefer to have Ilbir do it, but he's not going to be back for days. Does she know anybody in the Mage Academy or elsewhere in the city we could trust to ID it without blabbing?

Then I guess we'll be off to tell Jericho about him possibly having royal blood, the Rite of Dragon Fire and to return his locket. This rite isn't going to be dangerous for him, right? I assume so, since your mom implied Jericho would still be around afterwards even if he failed it.

Hey, what's your mom's magic specialty? Is she another fire mage like Elizah or did she get something different like you did?
>>
No. 553296 ID: dbe554

Mention that your sister is pink, if she does not know already.
>>
No. 553298 ID: b3ca75
File 138783372264.png - (23.60KB , 900x450 , 93.png )
553298

>Hey, what's your mom's magic specialty? Is she another fire mage like Elizah or did she get something different like you did?
She’s a very powerful fire mage… fire magic runs strong in our blood, after all. I’m the black sheep so to speak…
>this rite of dragon fire, this is one of those "if he's from our blood he'll be fine but if he isn't then he'll die" isn't it?
Of course not. It’s… well, a test of essence, really… or how you’ll put it.

>How'd she find out our color and Shadow's?
:SultanRUSTED: You weren’t the only one who receives these weird messages.
>I'm guessing she has her own player, so which color is hers? And is it a recent addition or one she's had her whole life?
:SultanRUSTED: I am… I was red.
:ElirazRUST: Was?
:SultanRUSTED: He tried to take over… and I fought back and won. I… I’m sorry… I didn’t realize… I… I didn’t want to see that the same thing was happening to you, my sweet gecko… I should have been there for you… but…
:ElirazRUST: You’ve always been here for me, mother… I’m sorry I didn’t ask for help.
>I wonder what her hidden agenda is in all this.
:SultanRUSTED: The only agenda I have is for my people… and my family…
>Mention that your sister is pink, if she does not know already.
:SultanRUSTED: Really? I need to have a talk with her, then.

>Ask her what was the message she got from Dur'Ankh.
:SultanRUSTED: The warlord requested food, water and weapon from them… and from every city between Dur’ankh to here or they’ll all burn. I still don’t know why, but they seem hell bent on getting to the capital.
>Show her Jericho's locket and tell her there's an unidentified magical core in it we need identified.
:SultanRUSTED: Hmm… I can give it to Reizn. I should be able to identify it. He’s going to be at the rite, so I’ll give it back to you then.
>Oh and sultan, most time when you tell your kids not to do something they usually do it out of spite or some reason or another. Just an FYI.
:SultanRUSTED: If they are teenagers, yes, but I expect better from and adult like my little gecko here.
:ElirazRUST: Of course, mother.
:SultanRUSTED: Remember, little gecko, if you ever need anything, I’m here for you.

>I guess we'll be off to Jericho.
:ElirazRUST: Jericho? I need… wait, did you read all those books while I was away!? I’ve barely been gone two hours!
:JerichoRUSTED: Of course not. I’ve put some of them back on the shelf when I was done with them… and I went out on the market for some fresh air.
:ElirazRUST: …and bought some flowers? …these… I… how did you?
:JerichoRUSTED: Half of your paintings have those kind of flowers in them… and I can understand why, they really smell lovely, don’t they?

[You can now control the pebble and the thief!]

Insert Christmas in 1 hour, 40 minutes… at least were I live_
>>
No. 553299 ID: 9ddf68

why'd we tell her about Pink? thought we had a truce of sorts there, oh well.

Hey Jericho you should mention how nice Artemis looks now as she seems to be going through a phase right now, oh and she want's to be seen as a girl for reasons. So did you learn anything new while we were gone, how was your bath, we kinda signed you up for something called the rite of dragon fire to see if you're of royal blood, did you enjoy your walk?
>>
No. 553307 ID: dbe554

How do you kill a Player on your own? That's pretty incredible.
>>
No. 553311 ID: 5ce288

Initiate swooning.
>>
No. 553314 ID: b3ca75
File 138784303235.png - (23.30KB , 900x450 , 94.png )
553314

>Why'd we tell her about Pink? thought we had a truce of sorts there, oh well.
:ElirazRUST: (Because I trust my mother enough to know that my sisters secret is in good hands.)
>How do you kill a Player on your own? That's pretty incredible.
:ElirazRUST: (Oh shoot, I should have asked that!)

>Hey Jericho you should mention how nice Artemis looks now as she seems to be going through a phase right now, oh and she want's to be seen as a girl for reasons.
:JerichoRUSTED: Oh, hey, nice body Artemis. Looks really sturdy.
:ArtemisRUST: Why, I thank Jericho, your body looks sturdy as well!
>So did you learn anything new while we were gone
:JerichoRUSTED: oh, lots! Hmm… hard to summarize it though…
:ArtemisRUST: What did you learn from this book? “How to spice up the bedro-“
:JerichoRUSTED: THAT ONE!? Oh I just… err… took a quick peek in that… um… give me that…

>how was your bath
:JerichoRUSTED: It was marvelous! Just divine! It was li-
>we kinda signed you up for something called the rite of dragon fire to see if you're of royal blood.
:JerichoRUSTED: …what?
:ElirazRUST: Mother will be ready with the rite in a few hours… don’t worry, it’s nothing dangerous.
:JerichoRUSTED: …wait, so does that mean… I’m part Serath?
:ElirazRUST: Apparently, yes… and you’re probably a free man again in a few hours. I said I shouldn’t give you freedom but… here it is.
:JerichoRUSTED: …thank you, Eliraz.

>Initiate swooning.
:JerichoRUSTED: …wait, do they me you or me?
:ElirazRUST: Well… you bought the flowers…
:JerichoRUSTED: But you just gave me freedom…
:ElirazRUST: And you saved my life…
:JerichoRUSTED: You’re an intelligent and highly soficiated prince…
:ElirazRUST: And you’re an extremely brave and strong minded knight…
:JerichoRUSTED:
:ElirazRUST:
:ArtemisRUST: Oh, are you going to make another lizard now!? Can I watch!?
:ElirazRUST: …dammit, Artemis.

Insert Artemis, number one moment ruiner!_
>>
No. 553316 ID: 9ddf68

Artemis you can join if you want... what she's the only one that's aloud to ruin the moment? the hell with that.

But yeah what exactly is this rite anyways?
>>
No. 553317 ID: dbe554

Actually this reminds me now, since your half and half, could you actually have children?

Also you might want to explain to her that sex isn't always the followup to a happy moment... And I'm curious if she knows between sex (the physical body), or if she knows your not full male.

And of course, doubleswoon.
>>
No. 553325 ID: 5ce288

Artemis. In order to observe mating rituals, you need to ask about a day in advance. If you interrupt, like now, you can 'spoil the moment' which prevents creation of offspring.

Also Jericho is dead. I don't think he can make other lizards.
>>
No. 553341 ID: b3ca75
File 138784792547.png - (23.30KB , 900x450 , 95.png )
553341

>Doubleswoon.
:ElirazRUST: …no… the moment is dead…
:JerichoRUSTED: Completely dead.
>Since your half and half, could you actually have children?
:ElirazRUST: (Um… I’m more man then female and… err… I’m sterile. Besides… my… um… women parts are a bit… they aren’t really top notch… under developed… I can’t really… well, I can but it’s a bit… err… awkward…)
>>But yeah what exactly is this rite anyways?
:ElirazRUST: Well… you take a piece of someone’s… well, essence, I guess. You know, the thing in the blood… the thing that gives you magic. Usually it’s a few drops of blood, but for you it’s probably going to be a piece of your core. Don’t worry; it isn’t anything more dangerous than taking a blood sample. Then we take the blood and put it in an enchanted bowl which will, if you have strong enough connection to us, light itself on fire.

>Artemis. In order to observe mating rituals, you need to ask about a day in advance.
:ArtemisRUST: Then can I watch the next time you try?
:ElirazRUST: No… no, you cannot. This is supposed to be private.
:ArtemisRUST: …aw, I wanted to see lizard mating dance…
>you might want to explain to her that sex isn't always the follow-up to a happy moment...
:ArtemisRUST: …how can male or female foll-
:ElirazRUST: Mating, I mean mating.
:ArtemisRUST: Oh… alright then… so… what now?
:JerichoRUSTED: That’s… a very good question…
:ElirazRUST: I for one was looking forward to show how dexterous my tongue is to my knight…
:ArtemisRUST: What did you say?
:ElirazRUST: Nothing!
:ArtemisRUST: Didn’t you say sister? Can I meet everyone? I like meeting new ones! Oh, I thought I saw some fun things on our way here from Eliraz mother and… I feel weaker? Why do I feel weak? I’m malfunctioning? What’s going on? Where is my energy!? Eliraz, help me! They tell me to charge someone again but I don’t know who they are and what to charge and I feel weak and Jericho help and Eliraz help!

Insert Batteries not included_
>>
No. 553344 ID: 5ce288

I think the golem facade might be wearing off? In which case, Artemis might need some copious amount of electricity.
>>
No. 553347 ID: 76b151

Pure magic might work instead. Try channeling energy into her.
>>
No. 553348 ID: 87e6c2

It's been sitting in a crypt for god knows how long and NOW decides to run out of power?!?

Jericho, try some magic stuff. Eliraz, try to find that amulet. It's the only macguffin-type/non-elemental magic I think we can get our hands on right now.
>>
No. 553349 ID: 9ddf68

all else fails try on of those stones or tears we've been collecting.
>>
No. 553350 ID: 96b823

Dammit. Okay, she reactivated before, back at the dig, so she must have gotten power from somewhere. We just have to figure out from where and what. Um. My best guess it involves Jericho, somehow. Perhaps near-direct contact with a large concentration of magic? Or applying magic directly?

I don't want to risk applying magic directly to her head, since that may break her. Eliraz, pull up Artemis shirt. Jericho, put both hands on her torso. If that doesn't do anything apply a bit of fire magic. Just enough to warm up the stone a little.

I really, really hope Artemis doesn't run on "life essence," AKA souls. That's a path I'm pretty sure none of us wants to go down.

>>553344
If that's the case then we don't know where her power cell or charge socket is, and applying copious amounts of electricity to the wrong spot would be like applying mains power directly to a microprocessor.
>>
No. 553365 ID: 9b57d3

>>553341
She reactivated when Jericho got near. So maybe Jericho should give her a poke.
>>
No. 553387 ID: acb7da

Maybe she just needs to rest.
>>
No. 553398 ID: fd6ae9

>They tell me to charge
Could you repeat exactly what 'they' are saying to you?

It seems as if whatever motive energy powers you has run low. We'll need to find a way to recharge it.
>>
No. 553436 ID: b3ca75
File 138788630029.png - (23.33KB , 900x450 , 96.png )
553436

>Artemis might need some copious amount of electricity.
:ElirazRUST: Ele what now?
>It's been sitting in a crypt for god knows how long and NOW decides to run out of power?!?
:JerichoRUSTED: Being an immobile head doesn’t really drain a lot of energy, I’m guessing.

>Could you repeat exactly what 'they' are saying to you?
:ArtemisRUST: “Warning: low power, please use magical energy to recharge unit.”
>She reactivated when Jericho got near. So maybe Jericho should give her a poke.
:ArtemisRUST: …that’s better… now they are saying that I’ll be done in three hours.
:ElirazRUST: Wait, let me get my magical battery, if you can channel magic into her it should be able to do it too.
:JerichoRUSTED: …you have a what now?
:ElirazRUST: Not everyone have magical powers themselves to recharge their gear, alright? …and no, the shadow powers don’t count… they aren’t really “magic” as we know it.
>Maybe she just needs to rest.
:ArtemisRUST: …they want me to go inert for three hours… to regain power… I’m… I’m scared Eliraz…
:ElirazRUST: Don’t worry, Artemis, everything will be fine.
:ArtemisRUST: …will I… d… dream? …
:ElirazRUST: …Artemis? Hello?
:ArtemisRUST: ZzZzZz…
:JerichoRUSTED: So, he’s going to sleep for a few hours, eh?
:ElirazRUST: Well then… where were we? I believe I was about to kiss you.
:JerichoRUSTED: I believe you’re remembering it wrong.
:ElirazRUST: Oh? Really? How did you rememb-
>>
No. 553438 ID: b3ca75
File 138788642091.png - (23.12KB , 900x450 , 97B.png )
553438

:ElirazRUST: Mmmm~
:JerichoRUSTED: E-Eliraz…
:ElirazRUST: O-oh… J-Jericho~

Insert Marry Christmas… at least on my side of the planet_
>>
No. 553441 ID: 9b57d3

>>553438
Oh no, the books! Should we go? Maybe we should go.

[switch to the Shaman]
>>
No. 553446 ID: dbe554

Yeah we'll let them have a moment *switch to someone*
>>
No. 553454 ID: fd6ae9

[Switch to Terra]

>Insert Marry Christmas… at least on my side of the planet_
Merry Christmas Eve, from the other side of the planet!
>>
No. 553457 ID: 87e6c2

Ladies please, can you at least wait until this ritual is all officiated and stuff? Also That golem totally moved.

Merry Christmas.
>>
No. 553468 ID: 9ddf68

aww, now Artemis won't get to watch... anyways you two seem busy we'll bug someone else, and don't knock the prince up Jericho, I don't even want to imagine how big a pain in the ass that would be to solve.

ALSO Merry Christmas
>>
No. 553471 ID: 5ce288

Let's move to someone else while they have their incredibly adorable moment.
>>
No. 553478 ID: 96b823

Heh, I figured it was about time. Don't forget to try all the "tail tricks." We'll take off now.

Hey! Artemis moved! Is that sneak faking so she can watch you two do it? Well, in case she is, throw some clothes over her head so she can't see without revealing she is.

[Connect to pawn "The Shaman;" If fail: Connect to pawn "The Acolyte."]
>>
No. 553527 ID: b3ca75
File 138792989716.png - (6.83KB , 900x450 , Silly1.png )
553527

>Merry Christmas.
:ElizahRUST: Have anyone read our new paychecks? Including the Christmas bonus?
:ThaarkRUST: I thought it was alright… err… banana is another term for a lot of money, right?
:ElizahRUST: It’s literally a banana. The one paying us is a monkey, remember?
:ThaarkRUST: …you know, replacing the author with a monkey probably wasn’t one of our best ideas…
:IlbirRUST: Noo!! I need that Christmas bonus to pay the debts I’ve gotten from all the presents I bought! We need to have a magical Christmas adventure and save Christmas by finding a new author that will actually pay us! We might even learn the true meaning with Christmas while we’re at it!
:DurachRUST: That it is family and friends that actually mat-
:IlbirRUST: What!? No! Buying a ton of shit and lying to children! That’s the true spirit of Christmas!
:ThaarkRUST: Who cares what the spirit of Christmas is, where do we get a new author?
:ElizahRUST: I’m pretty sure no one is actually willing to write this thing… let alone pay us. I mean, the last assistant the old author tried to hire went insane as soon as he saw the script! That thing is probably written by some kind of eldritch horror from the beyond… and that horror is a complete pervert!
:IlbirRUST: You know… who said we needed to replace the author to get paid?
:DurachRUST: So our mission is to get money and / or replacing the monkey who’s currently writing this?

>Don't knock the prince up Jericho, I don't even want to imagine how big a pain in the ass that would be to solve.
:ElizahRUST: One of them are dead and the other doesn’t even have functioning girl parts, I’m pretty sure they won’t be making any babies anytime soon. Besides, I can bet one of the got a dick up his ass by now… or at least a tongue.
:IlbirRUST: Who cares! We need more money! Right now!

Insert I’m not your friend, buddy_
>>
No. 553529 ID: dbe554

Zany Scam to steal present money. We can dress Durach up in a Santa outfit, Iblir in an elf costume, Thaark as a reindeer and Elizah can be one of those ladies who take in Christmas donations.
>>
No. 553535 ID: 9ddf68

and you just can't rob something because...?

I mean there's about a million of those salvation army guys around this time of year, just start knocking those guys off. Don't think they'll put up much of a fight
>>
No. 553542 ID: beeca1

Get grants from the mysterious omnipresent government to study the monkey writing all this. It's the only one to produce anything coherent, even if it's crappy. The others from that experiment just shat on it, threw literal and metaphorical shit at it, and banged on random keys.

Don't worry, what with bureaucracy and red tape you never actually need to have results.
>>
No. 553544 ID: 9b57d3

>>553527
Sign up an eldritch horror. They won't go insane.
>>
No. 553570 ID: b3ca75
File 138798516670.png - (10.21KB , 900x450 , Silly2.png )
553570

>Get grants from the mysterious omnipresent government to study the monkey writing all this. It's the only one to produce anything coherent, even if it's crappy. The others from that experiment just shat on it, threw literal and metaphorical shit at it, and banged on random keys.
:IlbirRUST: Apparently, this is considered metaphorical shit... well, actually worse than shit. Nine out of ten people rather read literal shit instead of this.
:DurachRUST: Well, at least one pe-
:IlbirRUST: The last person committed suicide in desperation.
:DurachRUST: …you know, aren’t we a bit hard on the authors writing sty-
:ThaarkRUST: Fuck that guy! He’s a douche!
>Don't worry, what with bureaucracy and red tape you never actually need to have results.
:IlbirRUST: Nor do we get any grant money thanks to the all-consuming red tape of doomy doom!

>Sign up an eldritch horror. They won't go insane.
:ThaarkRUST: Alright, we got three candidates. Ilbir, if you please…
:IlbirRUST: The first one is called father Kthoth, the diseased one.
:DurachRUST: Perks? Cons?
:IlbirRUST: The pro is that he’ll give us a gift every Tuesday, the con is that it’s horrible diseases that will slowly turn us into unrecognizable abominations.
:ThaarkRUST: Does our health care cover that?
:IlbirRUST: No.
:ThaarkRUST: Screw that then, who’s next?
:IlbirRUST: Chzo, the king of pain-
:ThaarkRUST: Yea, that guy is a douche. He’ll force us to wear wielder masks and shit. So no.
:IlbirRUST: The last one is Byarla, lady of lust.
:ThaarkRUST: Oh, that sound promis-
>And you just can't rob something because...?
:ElizahRUST: Screw this! This is a stick up! Give me all your money or you’ll face cold steel!
:DurachRUST: Err… I don’t think robbing an Eldritch horror is the best course of-
:ElizahRUST: Shut up, party pooper, what’s the wo- oh, an tentacle from the nether realm just grabbed my leg… a little help?
:IlbirRUST: That would be Byarla, lady of lust if I’m not mistaken.
:ElizahRUST: AH! I’m too virgin to die!
:IlbirRUST: I’m pretty sure she / he is about to fix that.
:DurachRUST: …shouldn’t we help her?
:ThaarkRUST: Nah… anyone have any popcorn?

Insert I’ve read enough H.P Lovecraft to know where this is going_
>>
No. 553571 ID: beeca1

I'm sorry, you seriously tried to mug an eldritch abomination? Sod you, you deserve what you get.

Videotape it and sell the tapes for a quick buck.
>>
No. 553572 ID: 9ddf68

... You brought that one onto yourself there kid

Does this mean Byarla will take the job?
>>
No. 553575 ID: fd6ae9

Why did we send the diplomat to rob the eldritch horror and not the thief? ...oh right, he was busy stealing someone's heart.

So, uh, diplomat. Think you're up to talking your way out of this?

You know, Terra's a necromancer. Why haven't we considered the possibility of raising the original author as an undead slave? (Or do her powers not work on potted desert vegetation).
>>
No. 553577 ID: 96b823

Thaark, got you all covered. [Deploy popcorn x 3]

Elizah, you brought this on yourself with such a boneheaded move. You're gonna have to get out of this on your own. Hey, Byarla! Go easy! She needs to be alive, whole and at least somewhat sane to play her part after you're done.

>>553575
Well, they could just take the author's laptop away from the monkey and retcon the original author back in. Boring, but it'll work.
>>
No. 553583 ID: b3ca75
File 138800087977.png - (7.21KB , 900x450 , Silly3.png )
553583

>They could just take the author's laptop away from the monkey and retcon the original author back in.
:ElizahRUST: OH GODS, SOMEONE HELP ME!!
:IlbirRUST: Last time someone touched that laptop they wrote themselves out of existence… it was quite unpleasant according to them.
>So, uh, diplomat. Think you're up to talking your way out of this?
:ElizahRUST: That’s an exit only! EXIT ONLY! AH!
>Does this mean Byarla will take the job?
:ElizahRUST: AH- oh… that… that felt kind of nice~
:IlbirRUST: I take that as a yes.

>Videotape it and sell the tapes for a quick buck.
:DurachRUST: We’re going to be rich!
:ElizahRUST: WAIT WHAT ARE YO- *Blarg*Cough*Gag*
:IlbirRUST: …wow, I didn’t know it was physically possible to go all the way to the other side like that…
:DurachRUST: Filthy rich!
:ThaarkRUST: Step back, gentlemen, I’m going in. Let’s make this a threesome!
:DurachRUST: Early retirement here I come!
>>
No. 553585 ID: b3ca75
File 138800093312.png - (3.34KB , 900x450 , Silly4.png )
553585

>You know, Terra's a necromancer. Why haven't we considered the possibility of raising the original author as an undead slave?
Meanwhile…
:TeraRUST: Hey, guys! I was able to rise the author from the dead! …guys? Anyone?

…braaains…

:TeraRUST: Meh, at least we have an author now. So… what’s the Christmas bonus this year?

Braaaains!!!

:TeraRUST: Sweet.

…brains…

:TeraRUST: Um… why are you looking at me like that? Author?
>>
No. 553587 ID: 87e6c2

How do you know how he's looking at you funny if you can't see?

Godspeed Thaark, you crazy bastard.
>>
No. 553588 ID: 9b57d3

>>553585
You put in runes so he follows your orders, right? Order him to get to writing and stop trying to eat your brains. And to make it better this time.
>>
No. 553589 ID: fd6ae9

...you included the runes that require him to obey, and forbid him from harming you, right?
>>
No. 553590 ID: 9ddf68

well it is the holidays and with that comes the holidays weight gain from all the food so I think now would be a good time to RUN LIKE HELL. just say Terra. Oh and if you want to find the others, just follow the moans.
>>
No. 553856 ID: b3ca75
File 138818369804.png - (2.97KB , 900x450 , Silly5.png )
553856

>How do you know how he's looking at you funny if you can't see?
:TeraRUST: …oh gods, the writing is getting worse by the minute! And the author hasn’t even started writing yet!!
>...you included the runes that require him to obey, and forbid him from harming you, right?
:TeraRUST: …err… of course I didn’t forget the runes… There’s no way I forgot all the runes completely and accidently raised him as a mindless undead monstrosity that hungers for the flesh of the living.

…Must feed… on living flesh… also brains… brains taste like chicken… braaaains…. *moan*…

>RUN LIKE HELL.
:TeraRUST: Run away, run away!
>Oh and if you want to find the others, just follow the moans.
:TeraRUST: Right, follow the moans… got it… wait, doesn’t zombies moan too?

*Moan*…

:TeraRUST: Oh shi- EEEEKK!!!

*Om nom nom*
>>
No. 553857 ID: b3ca75
File 138818377680.png - (15.24KB , 900x450 , End.png )
553857

[Connection with Tera have been lost.]
>>
No. 553859 ID: 88960e

Whups. Time to rewind. Or cast someone new to play her part.
>>
No. 553867 ID: 87e6c2

NO! BAD AUTHOR! SPIT OUT THE CAST THIS INSTANT!
>>
No. 553944 ID: 9ddf68

I meant follow the moans of pleasure but eh, she'll be fine. I mean this is a zombie horror flick and she's a virgin white girl, they never die in this kind of situation... I mean unless she had sex with someone during the course of this film.
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