1/5 Derklord 2024/08/20(Tue)10:59 No. 1096163 ID: 3f89df
File 172417675894.png - (20.41KB , 500x500 , wow look how lazy she is dont you want to see her .png )

You are Derklord, an almost 20-something who's suffering from a big case of YoungLazyNitus. That is, not doing the bare minimum and updating your quests weekly when you have no responsibilities except occasional chores, getting medical supplies, and caring for your cat.

The fact that your favourite quest, Dragon Romance (Gaiden), was Updated Twice before you did, despite your art style looking like a thirteen-something and being innocent because there is no sketch layer.

Instead, spend your days playing video games and calling as an excuse to hang out with your friends (and your dad on Saturdays.)

2/5 Derklord 2024/08/20(Tue)10:59 No. 1096164 ID: 3f89df
File 172417676024.png - (22.88KB , 500x500 , woah almost nudity already i cant belive it im ref.png )

Due to your laziness, you've elected to wear the pyjama equivalent of a long, baggy night shirt with nothing underneath, even though you are so embarrassed by nudity that being naked in a swimming pool changing room makes you feel embarrassed even though nobody is looking at you because your boobs are small.

3/5 Derklord 2024/08/20(Tue)10:59 No. 1096165 ID: 3f89df
File 172417676434.png - (22.05KB , 500x500 , sleepwalking by woah is that an fairy actually wai.png )

Because of that, the All-Powerful God of ENF has cursed you into sleepwalking out the door in your nightshirt in the early morning of the day and then locked the door behind you; you can't break down the windows because despite your dad being a carpenter and general contractor, you instead decided that coding was way cooler, even though you suck at it, and never learnt much except measurements and painting stuff.

4/5 Derklord 2024/08/20(Tue)10:59 No. 1096166 ID: 3f89df
File 172417676726.png - (19.39KB , 500x500 , windy worm almost shows her windy worm haha but sh.png )

And so here you are, Outside near the crack of dawn in nothing but an over-sized geeky shirt that reaches slightly above your knees, to make matters worse, the weather says that it's going to be extremely windy today and might rain; so yeah you're panicking in all; your goal is:

5/5 Derklord 2024/08/20(Tue)10:59 No. 1096167 ID: 3f89df
File 172417677143.png - (17.39KB , 500x500 , oh no meeeeeeee watch out for the boobie viewer an.png )

To Get Back Inside and Get Dressed and for nobody to see your most private of parts, even though your nipples are already slightly poking out.

As such, you are given a decision on what you should do?

Decapitate
Solved.

Obviously, you must copy Dragon Romance and go to the mall

..To buy better clothes

Go around the back, maybe you left a window open or something, ignore that the backyard is in full view of at least three highrises / an inconveniently timed houseparty / a 24/7 restaurant / all three

go get a cardboard box to make emergency pants

reach your arm through the open window to your bedroom that just so happens to be conveniently close enough to grab like two bucks but not enough to grab your wallet, but be careful, there's twigs and branches and stuff that could catch on your shirt!!!

OK first you need to find a master carpenter to apprentice with.

Well, first things first is to make sure those nips stop poking out. Climb a tree and Get a couple of leaves nearby to stick them on your nips for some cover like pasties (hopefully shirt wont get caught on anything and leave holes from ripping). Makeshift leafy underwear! Maybe a third for your crotch too. That way if you lose your big shirt somehow, youll still have a little bit of cover. Be sure not to disturb a wild animal in a tree doing it.

How far are you from home? You should be fine to run home since its pretty early and most people are asleep to see your shirt raise up from running in the wind, though later you are going to have to be careful on how fast you run as more people go out and about so you can focus on getting to a clothes store without your shirt lifting up from running

But yeah, We'll need to shop for clothes like >>1096170 said. But we also need money by doing this >>1096177 first

Also, to add on, see if your cat can join your party. The silly pet might be able to help on your journey to the clothes store, like be a distraction or retrieve things for you.

>You guys better not get freaky with an anthropomorphic version of myself.
Is that a challenge?

>what you should do?
Ask your neighbor for help.

>>1096186
Leaf pasties.
Perfect.
Maybe even a branch of foliage to demurely conceal yourself with in an emergency?
Watch out for feral squirrels.

acquire money
then
find a locksmith

>>1096167
Use super oversized shirt to catch the wind and glide majestically home.

I like the leaf idea! Tree climbing is definitely the way to go here!

take a page from kyle reeses and steal pants off of a hobo

1/6 Derklord 2024/09/06(Fri)19:39 No. 1097073 ID: 3f89df
File 172567674260.png - (15.27KB , 500x500 , knife challange 2024.png )

>Decapitate Solved.

Well, you don't know if that'll help you get back inside, but the god of ENF has given you a kife, so... p

*Slash*

*Slash*

2/6 Derklord 2024/09/06(Fri)19:39 No. 1097074 ID: 3f89df
File 172567674675.png - (37.35KB , 500x500 , what end quest but theres supposed to be boobies a.png )

..........

You are Dead; the Quest ends.


......

3/6 Derklord 2024/09/06(Fri)19:39 No. 1097075 ID: 3f89df
File 172567675125.png - (12.98KB , 500x500 , climb tree become monke worm.png )

Just kidding! You're not That Stupid, although you've tried to do that on many occasions before to fix your problems. Yeah, suicide jokes are funny, and definitely aren't the lowest bar for jokes.

>How far are you from home?

You're in front of your parents' house. Thankfully, the ENF god decided to let you off at your front door.

>Also, to add on, see if your cat can join your party. The silly pet might be able to help on your journey to the clothes store, like distracting you or retrieving things for you.

Well, thankfully, because you did your whole morning routine while sleepwalking (except getting yourself dressed), you also let your cat outside. Unfortunately, you do not have the box of food to allow him out of the local forest; if you can find cat food, tuna or some other equivalent, you can recruit your adopted son, Kiwi the Cat.

>Use a super oversized shirt to catch the wind and glide majestically home. Like Mario World's Cape? But wouldn't that mean You'd have to?.. Show it all off while you glide there? Nope, Nope, Nope! Besides knowing your luck, you'd smack into the window, fall, and die again. (Your room is on the second floor.) although you could use it to glide over to your dad's house.

>Well, first things first is to make sure those nips stop poking out. Climb a tree and Get a couple of leaves nearby to stick them on your nips for some cover like pasties (hopefully, the shirt won't get caught on anything and leave holes from ripping). Makeshift leafy underwear! Maybe a third for your crotch too. That way, if you lose your oversized shirt somehow, you'll still have a little cover. Be sure not to disturb a wild animal in a tree doing it.

Well, there are some local trees nearby, and thankfully, you live in Canada, so you get the good old maple tree, although in doing so, people may find you pro-freedom and anti-vax if they see you wearing these pasties. Still, that's better than being seen as a voyeur and exhibitionist.

However, you run into a problem. You see, your upper body strength is awful. While you exercise/work out, it's almost all leg-related exercises, so your arms are nothing but string beans. You were also the only kid with *Dramatic flashback* Chould You could only go to the second part of the monkey bars and hold on for 5 minutes.

There don't seem to be convenient sticks for you to climb. You're also not 9 years old anymore, so your body weight probably wouldn't hold anyway. Welp, you've never tried this, but you'll have to do this the old-fashioned way. Just bring your arms and legs around, and *Whoomp*

This is going to take forever, isn't it?

4/6 Derklord 2024/09/06(Fri)19:39 No. 1097076 ID: 3f89df
File 172567675413.png - (99.59KB , 500x500 , oh wait this is just an leaf.png )

After 45 minutes of attempting to climb the stupid tree, you finally reach the top. Sure, you felt a little tugging at your nightshirt, but you're okay, right? Now it's time to collect the leaves and put them in my- Oh, they are not wet. You know from personal experience that for leaves to stick, the leaves need to be wet and given pressure, and you can only do one of those things well; that'll be something to consider for later- wait.

There are leaves on the ground; IT'S AN WINDY DAY, YOUR'E, JUST STUPID ENOUGH TO CLIMB AN TREE, WHEN THERE'S FRESH LEAVES EVERYWHERE AND AHHHHHH.

Well, with just wasted your time, you manage to fall climb down the tree.

It is now 7:00 am, people are starting to wake up, and your time is running out.

>Reach your arm through the open window to your bedroom, which just so happens to be conveniently close enough to grab two bucks but not enough to grab your wallet. But be careful—there are twigs and branches and stuff that could catch on your shirt!!!

Wait, well, you could grab a stick that's just lying down on the ground, but my bedroom is on the upper floor, and the only close thing is a nearby lamp-

WAIT, WHY IS THERE A TREE THERE? THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. WTF, IRUNEUINGRWUIEOREPPOWAK. Whatever, you'll try climbing that tree, and it'll bring it closer to your window.

After more uneventful falling, more shirt tearing, and thirty minutes of cursing that you were a weights kid instead of a runner, you finally arrive at the top of the tree.

You have good news and bad news. Upon viewing your window sill, it's open, which is good news. The bad news is that you can not reach it. However, you do know that you conveniently have a little piece of chump change in a small coin purse near your window sill, which, through trial and effort, you manage to finally grab with your stick. Hurray!

Inside the coin change is 2$

5/6 Derklord 2024/09/06(Fri)19:39 No. 1097077 ID: 3f89df
File 172567675809.png - (83.24KB , 500x500 , squirrel.png )

Inside the coin change is 2$

> Watch out for feral squirrels.
Feral Squirrels?
> Be sure not to disturb a wild animal in a tree doing it.
Wild Animal-

And there you are, face to face with a squirrel; with your experience with squirrels, they are the honey badgers of Canada, constantly yelling, being upset, and generally being territorial as fuck, and here you are in his home, making lots of noise, and moving his tree and branches around.

Not knowing what to do, you jump off the branch.

*FUCK*

6/6 Derklord 2024/09/06(Fri)19:39 No. 1097078 ID: 3f89df
File 172567676245.png - (33.40KB , 500x500 , im gonna pop some tags got two dollars in my pocke.png )

You assess the damage. Currently, your nightshirt is pretty damaged; with one tear going straight through your boobs, and your left smaller boob is out for the world to see. You can also feel a lot of draftiness in your backside, and your nightgown has shrunk to only cover up to your lower thighs. However, you do have 2$

> acquire money
then
find a locksmith

Locksmiths can cost hundreds of dollars, though, and your 2$ Proabbly only covers about 0.5% of the total cost.

>Ask your neighbor for help.

Your neighbour is fairly chill. Although you don't talk to them too much, you have a friendly acquaintance with them. They have a husband/boyfriend. They have two cats, the one you've seen most often. Kiwi's former best friend Koda also lives there, although given your current state of dress, you don't want to visit their door.

>Go around the back; maybe you left a window open or something, ignore that the backyard is in full view of at least three highrises / an inconveniently timed house / a 24/7 restaurant / all three

Your mom's window faces the backyard, while yours faces the road, you might consider it, but with your lil friend sticking out you won't consider it right away.

And now, with $ $2 in your pocket and almost an hour and a half before people begin to get to work, you wonder what to do next.

well, with your shirt all torn up you need to find somewhere where you'd blend in. Head towards the strip club where no one will give you a second glance while you try and find something to cover yourself up with. Hell maybe you'll get lucky and be able to nab some of the striper's clothes when they toss their clothes to the side.

Does anyone still get physical newspapers in your neighborhood? That would be an easy fix for your shirt problem.

wear your shirt backwards! the perfect crime! will cover up your breasts (but inconveniently reveal your crotch since the backside was drafty, probably revealing your butt)

And yeah maybe look for some newspaper, but also remember that you left a key somewhere in the yard. Hopefully mr or ms angry squirrel you just pissed off isn't there waiting for you later, wherever it is... not that you remember right now!

Maintenece: Shirt backwards, get a newspaper. Also, think you can use the morning dew on the grass as liquid to stick some leaves on your private parts?

What do: got a trampoline? If not, steal borrow one from a neighbor, and drag it under the open window. Then, bounce bounce bounce higher and higher until you can reach and climb in the window. Dont worry, its totally not because we wanna see your breasts bounce or anything

god of ENF, Plz make worm derklord bounce so high, that she overshoots how high she bounces, ends up in the sky, and fall into a moving pickup truck full of pillows that will drive her farther from her home

>>1097078
Lick leaf.
Slap on nipple.
Bam!
Instant shame free existance.

That was a particularly nasty squirrel.
Remember where he is though.
Four would be all youd need to fashion an emergency furkini.
If you could find acorns, youd be able to do it without skinning them.
Just negotiate and hire them to hang on to the relevant areas until youre home free.