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Shining Sandy Night
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Seeing one of my own kind, hearing his voice. It feels wrong. A jolt of familiarity. It emphasises how alien and how hopeless everything is.
I'm not familiar with this machinery, but it seems to have been engineered by the kulukuzu, closer in mindset to us. It is not an amorphous mass, for one thing. I close my eyes and swim through the red, understanding the device without words and only as abstract concepts.
The concept of 'release subject' is tied to a specific button. My past is fuzzy, after continued attacks on my psyche, but I feel as though this talent would have been useful to me a lot earlier in my life. My eyes open as though I wake from a dream, and I release the other deikail.
He looks as unharmed as I was. I do not understand the way these machines can be so invasive and leave no physical trace of their presence.
We approach each other. We stand in silence and look into each others' eyes. Two dekail survivors.
Eventually, he says, "It sure is taking me a long time to die, huh."
"You don't look like you're dying to me."
"Well, look, I'd love to argue with a figment of my imagination but I'm sure I can find better ways to spend the last few seconds of my life."
"What?"
"Oh come on. This is clearly the last few sparks of my dying brain interpreting my mangled body's senses with pain and then nothing. Last thing I need is to start arguing with my own brain. Hm. Wonder if that's how it works. The only thing that makes a brain a coherent whole is connection, and if the neurons acting as the only connections between regions die, maybe that's how it ends. Each region screaming at my disparate selves until oblivion."
I don't know who I was expecting the last male dekail to be, but I was not expecting a solipsist. "You're not dying, you're in danger. We have to get out of this place before we get killed." My voice is lacking in urgency. I feel more confused than anything else.
"Or I'm in a coma, and you're a voice outside, but that doesn't fit with what you just said. Maybe this is a dream. Just a dream. Either way, this is too implausible to be reality."
"You're awake," I say, "and not liking the truth is not a reason to pretend it doesn't exist."
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