A Collection of Very Brief Quests

A Collection of Very Brief Quests by IdiomApollo et al.
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An aptly named rapid-fire adventure in the the spirit of A Series of Extremely Short Quests.

Predominately run by Idiom Alpha and Apollo, with cameos by Brom and Arhra.

Now featuring a sequel anthology: A Menagerie of Miniscule Quests.

This article contains spoilers! You were warned.

Save The Princess!

Quest: A dragon has kidnapped a stick princess in a nondescript tower! What WILL the brave knight do?!

Result: Knight marries dragon. Checkmate.

Notes: RELEASE THE ZOMBIES! Next. -kome

Elf Society Is Harsh

Quest: How will the elven damsel deal with her ugly BALDNESS?!

Result: Elf wore fresh moss as a wig. All other elves think this is gross but pay tribute out of fear of the moss-apocalypse.

Notes: Slay a dwarf, glue his magnificent beard to your head. -Yomiel

Sir Elton John and the Endless Tiny Dancer

Quest: Sir Elton John is stuck in a loop of constant "Tiny Dancer" encores. This is the 650th day he has wanted to unleash his new masterpiece. What IS this new masterpiece?!

Result: Sir Elton John sold his soul to the devil. The masterpiece turned his piano into a pipe organ and summoned a flesh-eating demon to kill the audience.

Notes: There is only one option. REMIX! -EveryZig

Blind Date Side A

Quest: Girl has a blind date with a Tentacle Monster. How WILL she respond?!

Result: Girl is victorious in date by seductively slurping her tentacle-shaped pasta. Sex ensues.

Notes: well I for one find anything with one eyeball hot as hell; Roll to seduce -Brom

Blind Date Side B

Quest: Tentacle Monster has a blind date with a girl... but what will they wear?!

Result: They wore an eyepatch - the date was a disaster, as there was no date because the Tentacle Monster tripped into a garbage bin.

Notes: That sweater your grand hive mother knitted for you last harvest season. -KingMomo

(Did Not) Save the Princess! Part 2

Quest: Knight needs to get his Dragon wife a birthday present. What WILL he get her?!

Result: Knight has sex with his wife until they make a baby. She broke his hip in the process.

Notes: A nude statue of himself. -Idiom Alpha

The Eternal Catgirl Plight

Quest: A recently transformed catgirl is socially ostracized due to her alien appearance and online help from doctors is refused because they think she's a FURRY! What is a young catgirl to DO?!

Result: Catgirl decides to become professional heister, successfully robs banks with high profile assaults due to refuge in audacity preventing anyone from legally describing her.

Notes: TWO WORDS: FIGHT CRIME -SiverFayte

It's a... something.

Quest: Some girl just gave birth to something! But what IS it?!

Result: 11th dimensional being! L O O K U P O N M E A N D D E S P A I R M O R T A L S ! The herald of the apocalypse has been born.

Notes: ...literal, adult bear! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! -Idiom Alpha

Temporal Tempura

Quest: "I am you from the future!" WHY is he here?!

Result: To stop you from wearing MC Hammer-pants to social suicide! But they refused to stop wearing the coolest pants of all time.

Notes: Have sex with myself. It's going to be awesome. -Apollo

You're a satellite

Quest: What WILL the satellite do?!

Result: The satellite colony-dropped itself on an evil dictatorship... and the blast destroyed the Earth! Drift free, fellow satellites!

Notes: Download ALL the porn. -Shock_Ridzen

Little Timmy Is Also Sickly And Has No Friends

Quest: Little Timmy's birthday is here... and his parents forgot to buy him anything! What WILL they do about the lack of presents?!

Result: The lesbian couple panics and tells Timmy that he's adopted and that's his birthday present. Again.

Notes: Grab that chair and slap a bow on it. Give Timmy the gift of sit. -Anon44

(Did Not) Save the Princess! Part 3

Quest: Knight's son Drake is going to school! What should Knight SAY?!

Result: Knight asks that Drake doesn't give him grandkids too early. Drake is gay. Fistbumps.

Notes: Tell your kid you love them and you know that one day they will grow up to do amazing things. Also remind them that burning people does not make a good impression. Then hug said child and send them out into the world! -KingMomo

Sleepytime

Quest: A mother is trying to get her son out of bed. WHY doesn't the kid go to school?!

Result: Because the kid IS a LIVING SCHOOL. But they still have to go to school^2 to become a university.

Notes: I'm lead singer for dethklok Nathan Explosion, MOM -Riotmode

Wait, Which Eldritch God Are We Praying To Again?

Quest: The eldritch ritual is ready... but the cultist forgot his lines. What will he WING it with?!

Result: The cultist prays to Bob Ross... who returns in Cosmic glory.

Notes:Sing a Whole New World from Aladdin, few can resist that.

Are You Cool Enough To Be The Coolest

Quest: Lorenzo can become the coolest man in the world if he pulls off this epic daredevil stunt, but WILL he risk it all when his family still needs him?!

Result: Lorenzo takes his whole family with him on the stunt! Be the coolest family ever or literally die trying!

Notes: Can you afford NOT to -Wire

Temporal Tempura Part 2

Quest: "Leroy! I'm you from the future-future! The pants come back in style! Do you hear me, the pants come back-" *BLAM* Future you has killed future-future you, and will now erase himself by killing YOU to prevent the MC-Hammer pants from ever becoming cool again. WHAT happens next?!

Result: Unfortunately, zombie-zombie future-future you has come back from the future-future to bring about the MC HAMMERPOCALYPSE, with death and poor fashion sense going hand in hand.

Notes: And everyone had a boner because kome said so.

Mummy's The Word

Quest: The Mummy has awoken from the dead! He's in a museum! How must the heathens be PUNISHED?!

Result: Love curse! The result is equivalent to love potion gas.

Notes: It's mostly harmless until the stripping starts.

Chapter 1 Of Everything Ever

Quest: In the beginning, there was... WHAT?!

Result: In the beginning, there was Hollywood Star and Wrestling Champ Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and he suplexed the LORD

Notes: tanlines -Brom

Super Sketchy

Quest: What are the new superheroine's powers?!

Result: "I am Pins and Needles, the Stupendous Onion Girl. I am completely invincible. I can shapeshift, but when I do, all of the parasites in my body cover my skin, and then my skin falls off. I fart a highly lethal and contagious form of tear gas. I can and will raise and control the cuils. I am a living voodoo doll. I make trees suplex people. Also, my hypnotic gaze and voice erases all memory of whatever happened since I began speaking, so I guess explaining the rest of my powers would be pointless." She can also displace human organs into orbit around Jupiter, turn everyone into copies of someone else, reanimate corpses, and force the dead into a vore love orgy.

Notes: Enforced increase of Cuils in a closed environment. Like entropy, but with weird shit. -CalimariGod

(Shoddily Drawn) Cat Ray Gun

Quest: What should the scientist do with the laser gun that turns things into shoddily drawn CATS?!

Result: He shot the shoddily drawn cat again! IT'S IN HORRIBLE PAIN FROM THE UGLY! WHY DID HE DO THIS?! WHY?!

Notes: Shoot the local cat burglar and see what happens! -kome

Excuse Me Princess

Quest: Oh no, I think that's a princess trapped up the top of that abandoned tower! WHAT should I do?!

Result: That's a pink tentacle.

Notes: Save tower, leave princess. -Idiom Alpha

No Space For You

Quest: Phil has been banned from the space launch because of diversity issues! How will he go to Mars NOW?!

Result: Phil unlocks his space chi and does the forbidden technique to JUMP TO MARS!!!

Notes: "If I can't go to Mars... then I'll MAKE MARS COME TO ME!" *uses telekinetic powers to pull Mars into a collision course with Earth* -mud

Ending

Quest: All of the above quests harvested enough suggestions to power the machine! What IS the machine?! WHAT IS IT?!

Result: The machine will create suggestions, freeing Apollo, Idiom Alpha, Arhra, and Brom from ever needing suggestions again! Except Idiom Alpha decides to pull the "Lesbian Transformation Wave" lever instead. There was only enough energy to make the four artists female and lesbians. They plan to make another series of threads, but they're going to have an orgy first.

Notes: Go to bed and fucking sleep -STeddy

Quests by Idiom Alpha

/tg/: Fifty Fifty: A Quest of Chances | You Can't Fuck The Princess! Quest

/qst/: The Adventures of Gloom and Scorn | Shadow Play

Quests by Apollo

TGchan: Rollback | Red Giant | Vagrant | Vehement

Dead: Half-Way There | Whispers | Panty Ray