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Untamed Singing Bud
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>MAKE A FIRE MAKE A FIRE
I'm stupid of course I can make a fire!
[Soothe lay down on the floor!]
She doesn't so much lay as fall down on the floor. I shift the leaves closer to her, and scrape a rock against one of my arms desperately over and over and ow this hurts ow ow ow YES A SPARK
They catch fire and everything feels a lot warmer. I lie down next to the fire opposite Soothe. Going to get every last bit of warmth out of this fire I can.
[D-drifter. Can I... no, nothing-ng.]
[Can you what?]
[I... w-want to show you something-ng. Need access to your p-pattern-n.]
...
[Okay.]
She tells me how I can allow her to enter my mind a little deeper than a Control Mk II is allowed to ordinarily, by asking me to think of certain concepts, and to remain relaxed throughout.
But I notice something peculiar as she does this. I am not entirely a stranger to a Control Mk II delving into my pattern, which is why I hold reservations about the idea. But she does it in a way where it's not just her who has access to my pattern, but also me who has access to hers.
I stop caring about my surroundings as we toy with each others minds for a while, constructing little sensory bundles in each others' patterns to amuse each other and get more of an understanding of what is possible. Even a Control Mk II has to learn a new mind before they can try anything more than their intended limits.
-What did you want to show me?-
I find myself staring into the wastelands. It is vaguely abstract and more a case of me somehow knowing what I am seeing more than actually seeing it, and there is a glint in the horizon.
-Have you ever dreamed, Drifter?-
-I've gone offline sometimes when there hasn't been anything better to do. Sometimes I've felt fluctuations in my pattern as it works things out, and I guess I could call those dreams.-
-For Automata, those are our dreams.-
-I guess that's true.-
I don't see Soothe, but I get the feeling she turns to look at the same glint I am looking out. Somehow, I know this is the case.
-That glint in the horizon is something I have watched in my dreams for many, many nights. I came to view it as a sort of sign. ...It sounds pathetic, but I saw it as a symbol of hope. Hope for something better.-
-Do you think I'm that hope?-
-I don't know. It was just a dream that kept resurfacing. But when I saw it for myself in reality... I had to go and see what it was. And then I found you.-
-I don't think I'm that hope, but I don't know where I'd be now if someone hadn't been there to guide me back here.-
-I've seen that view of the wasteland from the tower before several times. I think it might have just been one large coincidence. But... now you know why I decided to see for myself what that irritatingly persistent glint was.-
-Heh. I guess I do.-
It is strange seeing Soothe directly in front of me, yet somehow also seeing her a few feet away on the wasteland, under that red sky.
-So what else can we do while we're linked into each others' patterns like this?-
-We could see each others' memories. Perhaps even experience them. If we went any deeper we might even start acting like each other. ...we're not going any deeper, just to let you know.-
We decide to find out more about each other, given that she might not have much of an opportunity to do so with the short time she has left to sort her affairs.
She discovers my intentions to get home, and is understanding and supportive to a level that feels deeply cold in my core. My selfishness versus her selflessness, even when she has less than a year to live, causes me to feel a bitter, chilling sensation.
I show her Cernsis, or my memories of it, and the friends I have there. She marvels at the blue sky, and despite the freedoms Cernsis gives us, finds and points out the ways that Automata are still, fundamentally, tools for use by others.
She shows me other parts of Agos. She shows me the forest of solar collectors that provides power to their settlements, she shows me her earthbound view of the sky city, Defiance, populated only by the flying Recon Automata, and she shows me Synthesis.
It is a sight that fills me with elation and dread. It is completely artificial and alien to my eyes. The lack of plants or animals just seems highlighted by the clean sterile city, with its parade of lights and elaborate architecture striking a chord deep within me of approval and longing. I have never felt so ambivalent towards one location. Part of me screams to see this place, to go there, to stay there for the rest of my days, while the other part of me screams to flee and never see this city with my own optics.
Morning breaks, and I come back online. I never realised I went offline, and I don't feel like I'm in someone else's mind or that someone else is in my mind.
There's a pile of ashes where there used to be a fire, and a completely inert Soothe.
I reach over and shake her gently.
...She doesn't respond.
I shake her more violently. No response.
No. No, she said she had under a year. She said under a year, not under a day. She can't have lost that much energy to the cold night, can she? How long was the fire burning for?! I shake her more roughly and continously.
[Soothe?!]
Did that pattern linking drain of her energy faster? Was she killing herself just to try and explain herself to me?!
This is all my fault if I hadn't have broken that device - if I hadn't ever shown up, if I'd just ignored that glint on the horizon this never would have happened!
[SOOTHE!!]
[mmph. Five more minutes.]
...oh, she's still alive. Wait-
[You only have five more minutes to live?!]
[...what? No, I have at least eight months. Leave me alone for five more minutes. That was a nice dream. Oh well, I'm not going to be able to recreate it by now.]
[...Drifter, you can stop hugging me now, I can't actually get up and move with your arms clamped around me like that.]
We both leave the small house.
[Well, now, I can take you straight to Synthesis, or show you more around Bivouac, or if you want to go see anywhere else like the solar farm or the mines I can take you there if you want to see them.]
[Giving me a tour of Agos before I leave, huh?]
[It's not going to take longer than eight months, so why not?]
Hmm... where to go...
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